Butterfly Hearts

Good and Bad buys to prepare you for cold vacation

2011-10-25T08:51:00.005+08:00

Having just returned from Italy, I felt like blogging about my warm clothing and cold weather items which I bought and brought for my trip. When I was there, it was autumn with temperatures ranging 16-26 degree celcius, according to our smart phones.

Warm clothes
Cotton long sleeved turtle neck Tshirts are enough. I bought one from Uniqlo (at a limited offer $9.90 U.P. $14.90). It helps to buy them in dark colours so that they look clean and look less wrinkled.

I also brought along a cashmere woolen sweater, which I didn't need to wear at all, so just bring one of these, in the event it is freezing cold you can wear this outside for days.

A good, but not too hot outer coat is important. This keeps the wind from your arms, maybe neck and sometimes your face and ears if yours comes with a hood. I bought my knee-length polyester jacket from a HANGTEN atrium sale at only $7.50!

Warm leggings
I am not a fan of pants and jeans so I tend to prefer wearing skirts and dressses. I brought along many pairs of stockings ( the thicker variety). I was glad I brought a variety of brands and thickness. One very good one is from UNIQLO, 2 pairs for $14.90. I had always wanted a pair of patterned stocking and here I got them in a pair of different designs. If you don't like it patterned, they have it in solid colours like black, maroon and I think navy.

Cheaper variety costing $2 claiming to be 60 or even 80 denier do not do the job of keeping warm. But from another perspectie will make very good wears in hot and humid Singapore. So price do make a difference.

Heat packs
What is good at $2 are the heatpacks, way cheaper, but does the job well enough for autumn/spring weather. Although the outer cover is not as comfy as those you get from travel coldwear stores, you can always put them in a pouch or pocket. These heat packs kept me much warmer than the overly wrapped up tour-group-mates.

Cashmere Pashmina
Here's a tip I saw online after buying my scarf, no wonder it kept me so warm.

"
Inspect the label on the pashmina. A real pashmina will have a tag sewn on the material. It will say 100 percent cashmere instead of 100 percent pashmina.

Read more: How to Tell a Fake From a Real Pashmina | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_6153930_tell-fake-real-pashmina.html#ixzz1c33lwgep"

I bought mine at MUSTAFA Centre (Farrer Park MRT on NEL)for $19.90. A more expensive choice compared to the $3.90, $7.90,$16.90 ones available that had glued on labels and felt rough and scratchy.

Another good thing was its size, big enough to wrap around even my body on days when I am under-dressed. Cheap ones may end up being half its length and three quarters its length, still good for tying around the neck.

Trip to italy

2011-10-22T15:36:00.000+08:00

Buon giorno, ciao bella.

A trip to Italy, a heaven of the arts, had costed me nearly a fifth (~20%) of my annual income. However, I was happy in many ways.

Having a like-minded friend to travel was a pleasure due to company, safety and makes learning (about the destination, culture, architecture etc)more fun. On this trip I had my senior from high school cum orchestra mate, PY, along with me and I am thankful for her patience.

李敖，《只爱一点点》

2011-09-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

From my friend's post

不爱那么多，只爱一点点。
别人的爱情像海深，我的爱情浅。

不爱那么多，只爱一点点。
别人的爱情像天长，我的爱情短。
...
不爱那么多，只爱一点点。
别人的眉来又眼去，我只偷看你一眼。

-- 李敖，《只爱一点点》

三字经,礼运

2011-09-04T10:02:00.004+08:00

何为人情,喜怒哀惧爱恶欲,七者弗学而能。

日喜怒,日哀惧,
爱恶欲,七情具。

喜怒哀惧爱恶欲是正常行为,怎样处理却十分重要。
善于克制感情的人理智。不加以控制,任凭宣泄,
容易陷于不正当的诱惑而不能解脱。

work zoo

2011-06-13T08:16:00.000+08:00

Ever since I started working on this current permanent job in a private institution, I realised that most people are getting their jobs done because they want to get the final outcome.... money money and more money.

There are no friends at work, anyone may just be nice for personal gains and may even trample over you to get a spot higher, it is all about personal glory.

Some elephants brag about how well they trumpet, other dinosaurs threaten to throw their weight around and get you squashed. Yet trailing alongside these physically humongous creatures are always the disgusting lizards, scorpions, worms among other crawlies, small yet equally lethal.

farmstay

2011-01-06T08:35:00.001+08:00

This year was special. My maternal extended family were in Malaysia on a sheep/goat farm for the count down. It was exciting to light firecrackers and the more challenging species of fireworks which are banned in Singapore. I do not quite enjoy the smoke though.

I enjoyed the vast land owned by the farm, the goats and sheep and passion fruits straight from the tree. The stay made me want to plan for a longer farmstay in a larger farm with better hosting experience, for instance, Australia.

The last Tuesday

2010-12-28T18:49:00.001+08:00

End of the day. Happy to be going for music lesson with my music teacher. Life in school is busy and unavoidably full of politics. I just hope 2011 brings me more peace so that I have more time to think of how to better my students 'results. I want to be the second best. Now they are very close to bottom among 11classes. Some people tell not to be too demanding of working because the weak ones will give up. I wonder how I can differentiate teaching to benefit all. This shall be my year end reflection.

2011 I welcome you!

2010-12-27T19:36:00.003+08:00

In less than a week, 2010 will be over. I realised I haven't quite accomplished much other than land myself in a decently permanent job of a lecturer.

I am falling in love again. He tease me a lot, so i hope it turns out well.

Next year shall be a even better year.

Another wedding attended

2010-12-04T20:10:00.001+08:00

Today I attended a friend's wedding despite having lost my voice since Thurday evening.
As much as I hate to attend wedding alone, I decided to go for it, so much for "gaining experience"
and also to show my friend that I care about her (and her husband of course)

Being in a church, not an official christian, I usually would sing along with the hymns, just to take it as some nice music that the congregation enjoys together.
However, I could not sing today without my voice, and sympathised with how Ariel in the Little Mermaid must have felt.
I felt like a mute, trying to convey my messages across proved to be a joke in office yesterday.

Colleagues say that I am in "Silent mode" and some even said it was the best day they could pick a fight with me without me retaliating. I felt hurt.
Some even asked sarcastically how I managed to still be happy with a smile (with I equate with courtesy) when I am doing a thing as silly as holding a billboard to tell others what I want to say.

Just some thoughts going through my mind while being in church listening to the sermon in two languages, making me remember how I conduct class in school:
in English for the formality of it, then again in mandarin so that those who can't understand can have chance to learn, while those who learnt had the chance to ...(feel bored)

Perhaps I am too immuned to attending weddings that I do not feel anything already. The couple was still like as they were before, wedded or not, still as loving, not much difference.

From my friend, Jenn Chiang

2010-09-18T08:19:00.001+08:00

These are called paraprosdokian sentences.
The first half has one meaning and the second half provides a whole new meaning.
I asked God for a bike but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with idiots.
They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you,
we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up,
we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right,
only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

The early bird might get the worm
but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening'
and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from man is research.

If God is watching us,
the least we can do is be entertaining.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive,
try missing a couple of payments.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything
but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Dolphins are smart,
within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career;
turns out I just wanted pay cheques.

A bank is a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I didn't say it was your fault;
I said I was blaming you.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars
but check when you say the paint is wet.

Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America?

Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real
but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist.
He won't expect it back.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home
even if you wish they were.

Money can't buy happiness
but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way
whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Change is inevitable,
except from a vending machine.

A Fresh New Begining

2010-08-31T09:24:00.002+08:00

After lofting around for many years since my graduation in 2006, I am finally set to take up a full time permanent job.

Well, I didn't lose much either, for the past years these are what I have been doing:
2006 Aug-Nov: 1st attempt at Relief Teaching in a Secondary School (Neighbourhood one somemore)

2007 Jan-Mar: Still relief teaching but at a school much nearer to my home, was pleased to hear that HOD finds me qualified to teach Add Math even though some perm school teachers aren't (not their fault, just that they didn't do Math up to Uni level, most of these have Math as 2nd teaching subjects, and are usually "stuck" at lower sec classes). Here I met my ex, was covering his class, was impressed by his sense of moral righteousness and hence fell in love and decide to grab him. SIGH

2007 Apr-Aug: Got a GREAT opportunity to relief teach at and independent school, a all-boys school. Met great colleagues who became good friends. Love the place but had to go to make space for prioritised people.

2007 Sep-Nov: Back to the near-to-home school, felt a little weird that they can actually allow relief teachers to invigilate the important end-of-year exam, but didn't think much of it then since I had the chance to get a few more days' pay.

2008 Jan-Oct: Happy that HOD got me to teach longer term, she had plan for me to stay for long and handle the not-so-nice students in hope they will turn good and score a little better for the exams. It did work, a part of these students turned for the better, some naughty ones continued to test waters for room to misbehave but had to give in to my consistency. However, the teaching term had to end. And I still didn't make it into NIE despite several attempts in application.

2009 Jan-Aug: Moved on to yet another school near my home, still with the hope that some form of help from the school principal can help me get into NIE. But here I was asked to teach English. Eventually, clash of conflict when the Maths department wanted me to do some work and English needed me too (not that I am that important or useful, just happen to be in the same time frame), and I ended up dismissed when more trainee came to test out the teaching scene.

2009 Sep-Dec: I was asked to be the in-house musician of a chinese restaurant, decided to give it a try since the pay is not too bad and I knew it is hard to get employed by schools near the end of the year. Unfortunately, the company ran out of funds and decide that it was not very useful to the sales having live music and decided to terminate my service.

2010: Private tutoring still goes on, with tuition centres as well. Even got the chance to teach in school's Chinese Orchestra. But these tend to have messy schedules and have off peak periods when no lesson equals no money. Finally, HOD invited (or rather dug out my application from I can't even remember when) me to join their school. Pay, benefits, work scope quite my cup of tea, far though--- in Kovan. I had to give in a little: some CO in the weekdays, a few tuition (good chance to rid of the less hopeful)

Here I am, with apprehensions to start my new teaching job, on Teachers' Day.

Japanese Food at Illuma again!

2010-07-12T15:32:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday, I was at Illuma for the scan-your-order-from-the-menu japanese food restaurant again!

http://www.ebisboshishotengai.com/

This time we finally tried the Taiyaki, which is the traditional fish-shaped pan cake with red bean filling. There are other flavours to choose from as well.

Pictures of food and Menu

2010-05-14T10:43:00.004+08:00

Here are 4 Photos, 2 from Malaysia with my ex-colleague Aida. Chicken from Kenny Rogers and Ice cream from Baskin Robbins.

Another 2 picture shows a menu from a Japanese Restaurant at Illuma top floor. PY and I were excited by the way we have to order using a scanning pen to touch on the menu and make our selection.

how to stay COOL in this HOT weather-PRELUDE

2010-05-07T10:29:00.003+08:00

My inspiration to write this started off when I woke up on Wednesday morning, later than usual (for my weekly harmony class) soaked with perspiration and thus an itchy neck with rash.

Wednesdays has always ben my busiest yet most fulfiling day of the wee. I usual head off to my harmony teacher's place for a morning filled with musical thoughts and quality opinion exchange. Splendissimo!

Then I will go of for a nice (and usually expensive) lunch. Eating alone is always not easy to be cheap, consider the lunch crowd and no lunch buddy to reserve (or "chope) seats for you. I have thus learnt to live with eating at places where I can just stick out a finger and say "table for one, yes I am alone" and get air con and service and hopefully good enough food to match the bill.

After lunch would be a little time out for me to plan (maybe I should learn to just switch off for a while) the day and rest of the week till next wednesday, before heading off to tutor one of my secondary tutee's sister. Following her slot would be a class of Secondary 2 students.

Finally at 8pm, I head home for a unsually late dinner, which I always appreciate. And during this dinner I remorse over feeling angry that my mum scolds me for not puting effort into my cooking, especially when she comes home tired and have to eat my crap. I would better learn and discipline myself to get more organised with household chores and not compromise my own work.

And, before digressing too far, linking back to the topic: Wednesdays are long but it's always a day with all my activities in air conditioned places.

So on wednesday night, I googled options on how to keep cool without air con and was surprised to find HOMEMADE AIR CON! Basically, most posts include ideas of using ice or coolant and blowing air over it thus creating cool breeze. Here's the website:
http://www.instructables.com/id/Portable-12V-Air-Conditioner---Cheap-and-easy!/

Happy Birthday to me!

2010-04-29T15:51:00.001+08:00

Cake from DAD!

Upcoming performance Events

2010-04-25T10:34:00.002+08:00

Here's a list to update readers about my upcoming performances:

16th May 2010 (Sunday)10am
Open Space near Tiong Bahru Market
An event by the Tiong Bahru Community Club
I'll be the accompanist for Mr Guo Peng from Tianjin Conservatory who will solo on his erhu the piece Ah Mei Zu Wu Qu (The Ah Mei Tribe's Dance)

23rd May 2010 (Sunday) 8:30pm
Ritz Carlton Hotel, Grand Ballroom
80th Birthday of Kheng Keng Auto Pte Ltd
45 minutes show with a 3 piece chinese ensemble, playing chinese oldies and traditional pieces.

2010-04-01T14:07:00.001+08:00

A concert review: NUSSO playing Berlioz's Symphony Fantastique

2010-03-21T15:56:00.003+08:00

On 19th March 2010, I was treated to the annual concert of the NUS Symphony Orchestra, compliments of my secondary school senior. My senior and I were both in our school's Chinese Orchestra, I play the yangqin while she plays the double bass which in my opinion as a teenager has a better potential to make music as a career since it has a place in both chinese and western music, in fact, in many genres of western music.

Honestly speaking, I am not a fan of live concerts and I do not usually watch a Symphony Orchestra's concert. However, ever since I took up theory lessons and eventually harmony and composition, I was able to better appreciate music from a broader perspective.

Hector Belioz's Symphony Fantastique is being labelled by my harmony teacher as a "must-know" piece for composition students due to its use of the central motiff with multiple variation techniques applied. Hence, I was keen to hear it played by different orchestras.

My own interpretation of the story of the Symphony Fantastique (hopefully more people will begin to like it or try listening to it)

First Movement: Dream
Berlioz had an idea of what his dream girl would be and always daydreams about her image, which is represented by the motiff that will keep on appearing in later movements.

Second Movement: The Ball
Berlioz attended a ball (party) and there he met a lady very much like the image of his dream girl. He falls in love at first sight but they barely had the chance to interact.

Third Movement: Pastoral
In the fields, Berlioz saw a pair of horn-blowers responding to each other's blowing. He began to think of the lady he met at the ball and the image of the dream girl appears again. Berlioz think it must be a bad feeling to be lonely.

Fourth Movement: March to the Gallows
Upset about being unable to be with his dream girl, Berlioz numbs himself with opium and eventually sees himself taken away to be beheaded. Just before he was beheaded, he still thinks of the dream girl and onces more the familiar music appears. Before the melody could finish, Berlioz was "beheaded" by the suddenly and stark clashing chord and his head fell off.

Final Movement: The Witches' Sabbath
Even in the nether world, Berlioz was still thinking of the dream girl. The melody is now somewhat distorted by many decorations sounding like devils or witches haunting him. I could picture a Halloween scene here, dark and ghostly.

Berlioz's Symphony Fantastique played by the NUSSO is the first I have heard played live in a concert hall, and also the few times I attend a Formal Symphony Orchestra Concert.

Generally, hard work put in to manage the technically difficult parts is worth applauding.

The Singapore National Youth Orchestra also led by the same conductor will be playing the piece as well. I wonder if age and life stage will affect the orchestra's expressiveness on the piece?

The true meaning of words

2010-03-19T15:42:00.002+08:00

Today I pondered over two pairs of words.

guide/inspire

I used to think that I was "innovative" enough to be able to see teachers as facilitators rather than knowledge-feeders. Being facilitators, a teachers job would be to GUIDE students in their learning. However, today I realise I was not exactly correct; so guide means to already have a planned path chosen by the guider, and to keep an eye on the follower such that he does not go off-track. To inspire leaves the decision to the learner, who will have to choose the path he wants to take and the path that he believes is good for himself and is what he ultimately wants. Then the inspiration comes from the inspirer (teacher) who sparks off this deep passion in the learner, to want to pursue his goal in life. To inspire, we guide in accordance to their passion, not ours.

interest/passion

We all like to do what we are interested to do. Some of us like music; what sort of music? One may like to sing but know nuts about manuscript notation and chords; another may not like music as taught in schools but is a die-hard fan who must catch every season and every episode of American's Idol and has his own version of criticism towards why a contestant should not receive the verdict as on the show; yet another student musician may play the trombone really well, but has never played in an orchestra before, thus the lack of orchestral experience to a very large extent that impedes his progress.

The point is we tend to interchangebly use the words interest and passion. An interest is like a hobby, which means a chosen liking for a particular thing or activity. Passion is being in love with something so deeply that we may get obsessed or may even claim that we will die without it. An interest can die off anytime, anywhere: you may be a coffee drinker, but one day decide you no longer like coffee and you switch to tea or even a totally caffeine-free diet. This is so true when you see the teenage boy's pair of skates chucked away in a corner to collect dust when he used to refuse to put it down at one point in time.

A passion needs nothing to sustain, and in fact fuels our lives and energizes us to perform other mandatory tasks which we may not enjoy. An interest is like a cherished liability that we do not mind spending our excess awake-ness for an exchange of momentary happiness.

An Essay on Improvements (in a serious tone)

2010-03-13T19:37:00.001+08:00

One of the guiding principles of my life is to be constantly improving; humbly seeking means for improvement.

After graduation from my first degree, I had the chance to teach. As a greenhorn at work, I fortunately met mentors and colleagues who shared their valuable teaching experiences and successful practices with me. After encounters with these passionate educators, I have come to appreciate the importance of evaluation and reflection, in particular with regards to executing a learning programme. While we plan our learning materials in line with the Bloom’s Taxonomy to equip learners with knowledge, understanding, analysis and synthesis skills, I viewed it from another perspective: the teachers are learners, learning how to teach better. In fact, we are constantly and continuously learning in life. It also helps to set a SMART* goal so as to have a direction. (*Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-scaled)

Personally I consider the purpose of evaluation and reflection to be identifying weaknesses and hence implementing improvements in future attempts. To me, it is a critical step in the cycle Plan-Execute-Assess-Evaluate, before a new one commences. It would be more effective to consider both qualitative and quantitative feedback of make a fair judgement of a situation. I would also like to view the summative assessment of a particular teaching assignment as a formative assessment of my own teaching in the long term, instead of solely a measure of effectiveness as a professional.

In my humble opinion, the well-known Kirk Patrick’s model for Evaluation and the SWOT analysis were more geared towards the corporate world, hence the need to select and adapt relevant portions of these as my relevant tools for evaluating current practices and identifying possible areas for improvement.

Improvement lies in understanding how critical functions are best performed, rather than simply measuring the outcomes. Processes can be planned to be effective and constantly adjusted to optimise performance, while outcomes can only be hoped for and we have rather little control over.

When we compare our practices with others, it is impossible to plagiarise, simply because the situations however similar are still different to a certain extent, adaptations and modifications are necessary. Furthermore, we can perceive comparative benchmarking as a form of peer-mentoring, where both ends learn and benefit from an open exchange of information and experience. Reflection is a necessity, neither a bonus nor luxury.

In conclusion, for improvements to take place, a multi-perspective evaluation is quintessential. Though a tedious process, improvements lead to satisfaction in many aspects of life.

To end, I would like to share two quotes that constantly motivate me:
1) There is no difficult child in this world, but there are numerous children with difficulties. (Hence, I should contribute to my very best to help these fellow mankind overcome their difficulties)
2) Excellence is a habit. (Taking the easy way out is a lazy choice. I need to cultivate a habit of constantly striving to be better.)

On music thoughts and cultivation of culture

2010-03-09T22:37:00.004+08:00

今天，魏老师给我上扬琴课.提到音乐的不同:不同地方的文化和地理造成音乐风格/个性/曲风不一样（例：山区高原唱山歌会用大幅度跳跃音程)；不同时代的作曲方式，乐器/科技局限,技术发展程度等,都影响被流传至今的当代音乐.今天我被点通的是:演奏/录制不同类别的音乐时,需考虑不周演奏姿势与手法，麦克风用哪一种，乐器要不要特别处理过.但最终最重要还是得清楚知道自己在做什么,想要达到什么结果，随之的一些决定都为那个最后结果而服务,才为佳.

Art and Science of Music

2010-03-02T21:45:00.001+08:00

Anybody can say that science and art are two completely different phenomena and that there is nothing that can possibly connect them due to the fact that one represents truth and the other one represents beauty. Nevertheless, the endeavors to explain science and art in terms of truth and beauty are completely motivated. The major reason for such a division is that science has always been associated with “accuracy” or it may be even said “mathematical accuracy”, while art has been always been considered free from any objectivism and accuracy but associated with seeing the best in things and people. Art is very subjective - what seems to be gorgeous to a person turns out to be disgusting to another one. Science is super objective and any component of subjectivity can destroy science’s essence, which is accuracy. Accuracy is identical to truth and freedom of individual perception with is identical to beauty. At the same time science and art can be both interpreted as “truth”, though science is “objective truth” and art is “subjective truth”. Science dictates laws and follows them, while art disclaims all the laws and lives its own unpredictable life. Art makes the world more beautiful and science finds the truth to control the world and attempts to predict its development. Any science’s attempt to subordinate art is useless as it destroys art at the core. Art is something science cannot exist without. Science serves for the sake of mankind and art adjusts the inventions to the contemporary world.
Exploration of the world through analysis, comparison, syntheses and calculation in science faces the very same analysis, comparison, and syntheses of the outside world in art.
Art is creativity; it reflects the world and reveals reality from completely different sides. It is connected with the emotional sphere and therefore is completely irrational. Science is absolutely rational is connected with the cognitive process. Science attempts to make the reality fit certain laws creating the truth and art attempts to make the reality function spontaneously creating the beauty of spontaneity and tries to copy this spontaneity in different forms. Science obtains its core through knowledge while art obtains its essence through images formed by the process of perception.
Art and science complement each other on one hand. On the other hand they are extremely different – starting with art’s subjectivity and science’s objectivity and ending with the final product of each of the phenomenon. But what is really important is that it is a man who conducts them both and therefore they both serve humanity and its needs, either esthetic or mathematic.
These two terms are a lot different, but still they do have many common things. The paradox is that often the similarities lie inside the things that make them different. So, the suggestion that science is concerned with truth while art is concerned with beauty is quite convincing. Science and art represent the rational and the irrational, the subjective and objective components of life through truth and beauty.

Arithmancy Reading

2010-02-26T13:51:00.000+08:00

Hello Lur Khim Tiam, date of birth entered by you is April 28, 1984 based on which your Arithmancy Reading is as below.

Destiny Number 9
This number indicates the general personality of the person.

Great resolve, enthusiasm and dynamism are the keywords in life for number nine people. Upholding some of the archetypal Mars-induced qualities like boldness, courage and vigor, you are never far from their cherished goal. To others, the air of self-confidence and decisiveness may appear to be stubbornness and impudence. These traits spring from a great capability of focusing exactly on the desired goal and great self-assurance. You are very loyal and honest people without any kind of duplicity or capriciousness. Despite the rock-solid, confident exterior, you can be really secure person inside. No matter how well you manage to camouflage others successfully, a deep need for affection and deep love must be fulfilled for your wholesome well-being.
Soul Urge Number 4
This number indicates the inner desires of a person and his hidden fears.

The vibe of number four is reflected through the laboriousness and practicality of the number four person. Infused with sheer determination to complete the work at hand, you leave no stone unturned to achieve your preset goal. Number four persons are no strangers to hard-work. They are capable of handling difficult situations and excess workload without showing much difficulty. You are methodical and systematic in your approach. Wasting time in daydreaming or grand flights of fancy is not in your nature. You are logical, responsible and a great organizer. On the flip side, you can be a stubborn person holding on to outdated beliefs and opinions. Conflicts are possible at several points of your life due to your nasty temper.
Personality Number 5
This number indicates the outer face of a person that is seen by the world.

Under the influence of number five, you will acquire a volatile temperament with time. You will shift your energy and attention from one thing to another within a brief time span. The elements of insecurity and instability are closely associated with your personality. As far as the art of conversation is concerned, you will never fail to imprint an enduring image on others' minds. With exceptional intelligence and wit, you tend to be a high-strung person. Endowed with versatility and flexibility, you can fare really well in the fields of media and communication. Watch out for impatience and a quick temper to get wholesome success in your life.

Photos taken this new year

2010-02-22T09:32:00.004+08:00

Cookies

Chef Chan's Restaurant @ National Museum of Singapore

Still spring cleaning during CNY...:(

2010-02-17T08:28:00.000+08:00

Today is the 5th day of Chinese New Year, and my house had just inherited my uncle's fish tank with fishes in them.
Now, items dragged aside to make room for the fish tank and its stand now has to be "relocated" in various parts of the house.
How I wish my house can remain neat and tidy and yet not short of resources.

I recall a series of sentence I saw on Jack Neo's movie when it was telecast on TV during the CNY holidays:

If you cannot show (something eg. a piece of junk), you hide;
If you cannot hide, you throw;
If cannot hide and cannot throw, you temporarily put it outside.

That sounds so much like what my family has to be upkeeping with the "culture" of "taking cover" and the bicycles always migrating to the corridors only when we are expecting visitors.
Sorry, not meant to wash dirty linen in public, but more of soliting ideas from all to share with me how you deal with the mess at home, especially if they belong to other members of the family who love hoarding, worst still if they are your seniors.

新年快乐

2010-02-10T23:10:00.002+08:00

祝
新年快乐

Divertimento

2010-01-15T21:13:00.000+08:00

Divertimento (from the Italian divertire — to amuse) is a musical genre, with most of its examples from the 18th century. The mood of the divertimento is most often lighthearted (as a result of being played at social functions) and it is generally composed for a small ensemble.

bated, abated, baited?

2010-01-15T21:11:00.003+08:00

I learnt a new phrase today!
source: http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-bai1.htm

BATED BREATH

[Q] From Steve Gearhart: Where does the term baited breath come from, as in: ‘I am waiting with baited breath for your answer’?

[A] The correct spelling is actually bated breath but it’s so common these days to see it written as baited breath that there’s every chance that it will soon become the usual form, to the disgust of conservative speakers and the confusion of dictionary writers. Examples in newspapers and magazines are legion; this one appeared in the Daily Mirror on 12 April 2003: “She hasn’t responded yet but Michael is waiting with baited breath”.

It’s easy to mock, but there’s a real problem here. Bated and baited sound the same and we no longer use bated (let alone the verb to bate), outside this one set phrase, which has become an idiom. Confusion is almost inevitable. Bated here is a contraction of abated through loss of the unstressed first vowel (a process called aphesis); it means “reduced, lessened, lowered in force”. So bated breath refers to a state in which you almost stop breathing as a result of some strong emotion, such as terror or awe.

Shakespeare is the first writer known to use it, in The Merchant of Venice, in which Shylock says to Antonio: “Shall I bend low and, in a bondman’s key, / With bated breath and whisp’ring humbleness, / Say this ...”. Nearly three centuries later, Mark Twain employed it in Tom Sawyer: “Every eye fixed itself upon him; with parted lips and bated breath the audience hung upon his words, taking no note of time, rapt in the ghastly fascinations of the tale”.

For those who know the older spelling or who stop to consider the matter, baited breath evokes an incongruous image; Geoffrey Taylor humorously (and consciously) captured it in verse in his poem Cruel Clever Cat:

Sally, having swallowed cheese,
Directs down holes the scented breeze,
Enticing thus with baited breath
Nice mice to an untimely death.

[I’m indebted to Rainer Thonnes for telling me about this little ditty, which appears in an anthology called Catscript, edited by Marie Angel. However, it was first published in 1933 in a limited edition of Geoffrey Taylor’s poems entitled A Dash of Garlic.]

我会用华文

2010-01-13T23:21:00.002+08:00

真傻，我终于会用windows的华文功能。试一下，不太难。下次和中国朋友msn就不用开chinesestar搞得电脑hang了。

Musical Box

2010-01-07T14:12:00.000+08:00

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°üÖ®Ç°£¬ÈÌ²»×¡µØ´ò¿ª°ü×°ËÜÁÏ´ü£¬×ªÁË×ªÐ¡Ð¡½ðÉ«°ÑÊÖ£¬ÔÃ¶úµÄÒ»Ê×la vie en rose ÏìÆð¡£
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Love makes one plumper? Practice makes one plumper?

2010-01-05T10:51:00.002+08:00

I was told by two separate men on two separate occasions, one day after another that I seem to have become "fatter", in particular my upper arm and cheek.

No, I am still not fat, still slim and hopefully pretty.

Oh man, now I am so self-conscious.

Countdown part two

2010-01-01T13:42:00.002+08:00

Countdown 2010

2010-01-01T13:35:00.003+08:00

Some Photos and Videos.
The ships were soundig their whistles and using the SOS signal as a sign of celebrating 2010.

New Year Resolution

2009-12-30T19:43:00.002+08:00

It's 31st December 2009 tomorrow and I am sure it is the time when everyone starts to make new year resolutions and check off those accomplished in this year.

As for me, I am still single, alive and trying to be happier each day. =)

A little update about myself, I have left SYCO since I am not quite a youth anymore. My next stop would hopefully be Yong Siew Toh conservatory, ideally recording arts or composition. I seem to match up to many of the pre-requisites of Recording Arts and in fact I matched up to some of the courses that are compulsory with my years in NUS Science, studying Pure Maths and being interested in Physics, especially those to do with sound waves. Thankfully I was sensible enough to take a Physics module which is actually a Core subject for Physics Majors and most people would avoid it due to the long hours expected in the Labs. Plus I did a GEK with Prof Bernard Tan--- The Science of Music, never had I thought I would "use" it one day so directly.

According to Mr ZHou Xiaodong, the teacher of Recording Arts, the discipline is mainly about physics/engineering/math, and a candidate should be highly interested by the nature of sounds and noises that they are motivated to study Acoustics. HEY! I like the science behind sounds. Why didn't I think of that? That Recording arts is suitable to view as an option? Maybe I was too self-centred and not open minded enough. Well, it's not too late I guess.

The audition will be on 20th Jan 2010. I am contemplating whether to apply. It seems purely harmlss, no fee involved, not even school fees should I gain entry. No harm done, why not? My harmony teacher had chosen 2 yangqin pieces which I might atempt to brush up and prepare in less than 3 weeks, though not much to my yangqin tutor's agreement on the choice of pieces. Sigh.

In the next few weeks I will need support from all, love and care for myself as I bite my teeth and prepare both my composition portfolio (which is still a big fat zero ---empty totally) and 2 yangqin pieces, including getting my instrument in conditionfor exam.

Will make a firmer resolution after I catch my breather on 21st Jan 2010.

Horoscopes 2010

2009-12-29T15:11:00.003+08:00

如果有一天心上人向你告白
Candy 完成了如果有一天心上人向你告白心理測驗，結果是什麼都不要只要他開心．勇闖直衝型
我想，你大概不需要對方先告白吧！總是你先向他表白，是個很勇敢的人！而且絕對不害怕失敗！...

Candy 完成了婚禮心理測驗心理測驗，結果是超心軟的小女人
妳很會照顧人、很有同情心，所以只要對方需要妳，妳就無法放手。即使知道不該繼續，只要他溫柔的哄妳幾句，就算是他一再花心，妳也會原諒他。雖然曾經想分手，卻在他的甜言蜜語中繼續交往下去了。對於所愛的人，妳總是無法拒絕他的溫柔。...

Candy 完成了溫柔指數（男女都可以）心理測驗，結果是一對黑天鵝
溫柔指數80，你是愈愛愈溫柔型，當感情經營到某種程度的深入時，會激發你更多的柔情，相對的佔有欲也會跟著增強。...

Candy 完成了 2010年星座預測心理測驗，結果是金牛座
所有的大機會都在年初出現，所以不論你意向如何，在生日之前就起步吧，皆因夏季你的步調較慢，接近年尾時會更緩慢。木星代表成長與樂觀，年初在你的星圖上始於事業門，然後移到和你長期心願或意向有關的區域。因此，木星全年都會替你實現願望，甚至延伸到2011年初。你只要看開一點，想長遠一點，自然就能水到渠成。 \r\n\r\n感情關係佔去太多時間 \r\n\r\n今年你的感情關係也很特別，尤其過了夏季以後。私人生活逐漸佔去太多時間和精力，把其他方面的計劃都拖慢了，看起來像是你刻意把個人的快樂擺在第一位...，把其他甚麼野心雄圖都擱置一邊。或許你想到把感情關係固定下來，你即將把一生交托給另一人，也期望對方亦以摯愛待你；因此，你要認真地消除彼此的分歧，認清對方是否適合自己，否則走在一起也沒有意義。你們在十月和十一月還有不少磨合期，浪漫要讓路予現實，但那也不是壞事。 \r\n\r\n事業發展穩定可靠 \r\n\r\n你今年的事業發展穩定而可靠，二月或會出現看似前途不錯的機會，但那卻不是可以持久的決定。財務上你的金錢運...

看看你最近有談戀愛的命嗎？
Candy 完成了看看你最近有談戀愛的命嗎？心理測驗，結果是佳人有約、成雙出遊
進字的右邊就是「佳」人，然後「雙」方可以共同出「游」，你最近【有】談戀愛的命...

The musician's last bow

2009-11-30T22:43:00.000+08:00

As of tonight, I am officially out of job.

A Sleazy story by my prof (transmitted via sms)

2009-10-24T22:53:00.003+08:00

...there was a young woman who played music all day and flirted shamelessly. She like to play music and surprise her listeners. ANd one evening she was feeling very naughty, and wanted to surprise a man she was flirting with.

So, she texted him from her bed and tell him naughty stories to arouse him.

First, she told him she was feeling warm and wanted to take off her clothing under the covers. He agreed that that would help. So she texts the man that she's removed her clothes and covers and asks if he likes thinking of her this way.

He replied that he likes the image he has of her. He wanted to know if her skin is soft and warm. She replies that she thinks so, and asks if he wants her to touch herself to let him know for sure.

He definitely likes the idea, and imagines her running her hands over her naked body.

She begins to rub some lotion on her skin, starting with her legs and working her way up. She enjoys the feeling and continues, rubbing and carressing her soft skin. She delicately passes over her pubic area and begins applying the lotion to her stomach and ribs.

-to be continued-

Musician

2009-09-21T21:49:00.001+08:00

I will be starting my full-time job as a musician tomorrow.

Time: 12-2pm, 7-9:30pm
Location: City Vibe Building, Uncle Sam's restaurant

Do come and support me if you are free.

To compose or decompose?

2009-09-16T23:04:00.002+08:00

I have recently decided to challenge myself to writing music, further more than the mere 8 bars I can manage so far for the grade 5 exam. I need to improve my modulations and the use of suspensions. The weakness in these two exclusively has already hindered my 4-part harmony. I keep getting stuck and end up having to redo the whole piece. It is sometimes discouraging that it doesn't seem to be "getting there".

Composing was suppose to be fun, to me it's like fixing a jigsaw of sounds together and a full picture of sounds can spark off another person's imagination and give rise to imagery correspondence.

When will I get it? Can I just plant a seed, water and wait? Is that all I can do?

First Lesson with my Harmony/composing teacher

2009-08-26T16:02:00.000+08:00

My new teacher said "If you feel like doing something, you've got to start doing it, even if you don't get what you want in the end you'd have got (learnt) some other things along the way"

Other interesting shots

2009-08-16T19:59:00.003+08:00

One child policy exists even in the plants empire!

2009-08-16T19:58:00.004+08:00

A day at HORT PARK

2009-08-16T19:56:00.001+08:00

Eggs that grow on trees!

The gig of 3.5hours of solo music and a beautiful gown

2009-08-02T00:32:00.005+08:00

The Day of 13 Blooming together (17 July)

2009-08-02T00:29:00.001+08:00

Fabulous gown

2009-07-27T23:13:00.000+08:00

I just bought a gown from http://www.eveningflair.blogspot.com/ I got to know of this through ebay. It's really a good deal. I can look glam and pretty w/o spending much money.

Mention my name Candy when you approach the owner, Eunice Koh.

The Shape Personality Test

2009-07-18T20:43:00.003+08:00

The Shape Personality Test

You Are Skilled

You are balanced and competent. You value harmony.

Other people see you as outgoing, hyper, and even a bit overwhelming.

Your ideal romantic relationship is peaceful, romantic, and private.

You do best in tasks that require you to be logical, hard-working, and courageous.

The Shape Personality Test

2009-07-18T20:43:00.001+08:00

Wireless still down

2009-07-09T12:38:00.001+08:00

The wireless networks are still not working. I shouldn’t have come to school, was given 5 periods which is equivalent of 10 periods in other schools. I can do much while babysitting. I can’t teach Malay Language.

Today there is sectional practice. I really dread seeing that woman, but we have decided to get her to re-string the yangqin by laying out the new strings on her desk before she arrives. Hopefully she is in a good mood today.
I am so sleepy. I mean it. Yesterday I cooked grilled fish with mustard and garlic, here’s how I did it:

Cut the mackerel fish into single serving size, about 1.5 cm thick, marinate with a little salt.
Chop a few cloves of garlic into fine dice, spread evenly on the fish.
Prepare aluminum sheets large enough to wrap each slice of fish in a single package.
Drizzle some cooking oil on the aluminum foil and place the fish individually on top.
Squeeze a generous amount of yellow mustard on top of the fish.
Fold the aluminum foil with the fish in it into a sealed package.
Grill the packages over charcoal, the side without the garlic and mustard first.
Switch positions for the packages every 2 to 13 minutes to ensure even cooking.
After 10 to 15 minutes of grilling, the fish should be done.
Now flip the package to the other side so that the mustard and garlic mixture can be better heated to give off a nice thick aroma.
Your grilled fish with mustard and garlic is now ready to be served.
Be careful of the hot juice that might leak when opening the package.
Enjoy!

What should I cook tonight? Maybe fried rice from yesterday’s leftover unpolished brown rice.

Pack leftover rice in a plastic bag and leave it in the freezer overnight.
Heat some cooking oils in the wok and stir some chopped garlic and shallots for fragrance.
Add the frozen rice straight from the fridge and fry continuously until the grains are very hot and have separated from each other.
Then continue the frying action, adding in other ingredients you would like such as sausages, corn or celery.
Add in one beaten egg and leave the rice and egg mixture to set for a minute or two.
Now stir to separate the grains again.
Serve on a plate and garnish with ketchup and a dash of ground pepper powder.

Next I need to go into a geography class, what should I do with them? Ask them to build a town from scratch?

Wireless is down

2009-07-07T12:36:00.000+08:00

This is so ironical, I brought my laptop to work on stuffs on the net but now the wireless connection is down. I can’t do much other than type on a word processor and trying to look pro as a working adult. Maybe I should be more fruitful and try to do something that might be useful, but what?

Let me now work out my weekly income:
Naomi 1.5 x $35 = $52.50
Wan Lin 2 x $35 = $70.00
Lailatul 1 x $25 = $25.00
Ado 2 x $25 = $50.00
Eason 3 x $21 = $63.00

Total $260.50
Monthly 4 x $260.50 =$1042.00

Not bad, not as bad as I thought, even if I lose my job any moment I still have some spinning funds to fall back onto, although it sure does not feel comfortable living on such randomness. I really cannot imagine what will happen to me in years to come. Even Stan who has a proper teaching qualification has somewhat kicked himself out of the stability of a school job. I wonder what made him do that. Perhaps it is really a blessing in disguise (as they say it) for me to stay out.

Dad was right, running classes at home and sticking to the rules that bound them is a really safe way to earn decently. The two who comes to my place now generates nearly $100 for me each week. Imagine if I manage to get a group or two to start, keeping to the restriction by HDB that a group must be 3 students or less, I can still get $200 in a 2-hour slot, that makes $400 for two groups and $1600 in a month! Fabulous! Plus, having people coming periodically really helps the family keep the house spick and span, or at least cooperates while I clean up the mess. Yes, t is tiring to do housework but there are ways to cheat about it and at the same time maintain a clean-enough house. Plus cleaning is a great workout, killing two birds with one stone.

I don’t know what happened, it seems like all classes do not have wireless internet access after my first class, so I can surf the net while babysitting. The weather is now rainy, I had wished to go on a trip either to IKEA or the library but now it is too lethargic to do that in the cold weather. Oh well. Today is Alan’s birthday, I really hope that I will be able to completely forget his existence on this earth. Sigh. When one door closes, another opens somewhere else.

Money is hard to make!

2009-07-04T22:21:00.002+08:00

Ok, A little update about my monetary life, see if you can contribute to help (I don't mean donating me money though)

Now I have 2 Sec 3 students paying $35/h,
1 Sec 1 class, I get paid $25/h,
1 Pri 6, $25/class (wish I have more who will come for mass drills)

That's about it.

Any idea how to start money rolling? I've posted ads online, pasted some paper ads, verbally told my friends... have done the usual common sense thing. What else?

My first hand-crafted jewellery

2009-06-17T13:54:00.003+08:00

I had create my first hand-crafted jewellery, made totally of magazine paper (and some glue if you insist).

It is supposed to be a bangle. Here's how it looks:

Do give me your comments. I was thinking of making more of these and selling in a blogshop. DO you think it'll work? Do leave your comments.

June Photos

2009-06-08T15:26:00.003+08:00

Night out while the malls light out

2009-03-28T23:31:00.005+08:00

Today I had a long day:

8:30 - 12pm teaching @ Jurong West/East (yes, exactly on the intersection)
1:45 - 3:30 teaching @ Yew Tee
5:30 - 6:30 aural lessons @ syco (we were all locked out, including the teachedr, the rooms were locked and the place swarmed with Band people using the place for SYF rehearsals)
7:15 till late: mall with Eileen

The night out was fun, I bought a new nail polish from the Face Shop, and no, it wasn't $2.90. It's the new series @ $7.90. Then we went to the sky garden hearing that there is some star-gazing activity going on. We didn't get to see the stars but I took this picture.

Eileen didn't know Wisma had a sky garden and I didn't know the fish tank is now face shop. When I was very young, before I even went to kindergarten, my parents will take me and my grandparents there (and sometimes raffles city which was well known as SOGO then). We will always do two things at WISMA: go to the skygarden where there used to be a "high-class" playground with artificial carpet grass and plastic linked up playground slide sets. In the 1980s that's something very new. Let me find time to dig out my photos and post them here.

oh yes, I found two of the photos in my computer. Don't be surprised, though I was young this SURE is WISMA.

Tired

2009-03-14T11:17:00.000+08:00

For some reasons, I felt physically tired today after a mere two periods of 55mins each with my two classes. Where is the energetic and optimistic Xintian? I hope this down period will be over soon. I am now typing this entry, thinking about how much my life and lifestyle has changed and how much more will it have to change. I must do something about it to make myself happy, but I am really very tired: mentally and physically. Sometimes I think it may not be a totally bad idea to have a sugar daddy. Some other man who will take me out if our schedules match and take me to breathe fresh air, enjoy tea, look at things I have never took notice of, basically let me know that there are loving souls who care about me and that kind of love goes beyond the romantic. I mean, ask a young men near my age frequently to keep me company, he will probably think I am up to something, trying to hook him and stuff, or just find it too tiring to upkeep the “duty” of keeping me company, or fear that I may love him and devour him like a female praying mantis? Sometimes Men are difficult to understand.

Performance with MDC---Rose among the thorns

2009-02-17T11:05:00.002+08:00

MDC shows --- my long-time-no-see friends

2009-02-11T18:18:00.004+08:00

More SENTOSA pictures

2009-02-05T18:14:00.004+08:00

Flower Exhibition @Sentosa

2009-02-04T20:31:00.012+08:00

Pictures only! Taken using my Samsung 5 megapixel handphone camera.

a note i wrote on facebook

2009-01-06T23:07:00.001+08:00

rough patches makes things smoother; that's how scrubs work anyway!

Life's contradiction

2008-12-22T10:32:00.002+08:00

I am kind of pissed off with how my life treats me.

I say to my Dear I am happy, he says " how can you say you are happy when you are always angry with something" (I am angry with the fact that he disbelieves my comment about being happy)

I hate to be distrusted (for no reason), it makes me feel wronged, trapped.

I say I love him, he gives me a wriggly body language, another one of those i-don't-think-you-mean-what-you-say kind of behaviour, almost like saying " don't lie and pretend you love me just so that you will get my love". I know it's kind of cunning to be acusing him like this as well, but can you imagine the hurt I felt when I am at the receiving end of such lousy body language. And when confronted days later, he said " I was just joking with you with that gesture and trying to be funny about your saying " I love you". WTH!

Another ironic thing, as an agreement to be a more guai girl, I compromised, stop asking or even expecting him to do what he don't like (like dine with my parents, which the thought of it gives him headache, the way gamelan music does to him) and he likes to stay within his house, fine! I gave in, didn't care what my mum had to comment about unmarried, unengaged girls spending huge amount of time at their bf's. I hung out in his house, it is unfair you know, making myself go into his territory where I am most unsafe in a sense. Yes, he says he appreciates it and can see the change (when I forcefully ask him did he realise)... Now I am feeling like this:

He doesn't want commitment: no no to anything to do with settling down, ROM, marriage. But on the other hand, he wants (or prefers) it that I am happy spending time as if I am part of the family. You want me to behave like I am part of the family ( and thankfully the family doesnt seem to have objections about that, providing dinner and letting me in the house) and yet it is so clearly stated that I will never be your family (married wife), at least not anytime soon. I feel so frustrated! Isn't it selfish, trying to kill two birds with one stone? He can behave like a goody boy, spends most of the week with his family, while I have to spend time with his family so that it can be counted as he having spent time with me? I mean if there's a payoff of a possible upcoming wedding then there is a dateline to the "suffering", it'll just be an endless wait.

Egoistic Singaporean Men!

I tried to bring up this point, he says he just wants to keep things simple and why can't I just not think too much and just keep things simple? Isn't it already far enough I have compromised? I ask if he wants to join me for a meal, he needs to think for hours and have to wait till the very last minute then tell me his decision and I'll have to dine alone since it's too late to ask anyone else so impromtu... Argh!@#$%^ what's wrong with this little boy? can he grow up?

Things I never did...

2008-12-16T10:41:00.002+08:00

I was arrogant and proud, and thought of that as confidence instead.
Recently being more alone than usual, I have picked up reading again. I realised I always start thigns off enthusiastically, and never quite finish them off as nicely as they could have been. One of the things that I regretted not doing was to be reading books on relationships--- I only read those teaching you how to get a guy, but I took it for granted that when the guy is with me I can have the best of worlds (if he loves me enough)... and I never take much effort to maintain the relationship, I never read any of those " how to stay together in a relationship" kind of books. Now I am in deep regret.

I am not regretting and not doing anything, I read randomly about anything that can make me change for a better person. I read a book about fengshui and clearing clutter, and got so enthusiatic about clearing my whole house because the bok says it can help with targeted asects of our lives : I want to improve my relationship with Dear. Also it can help with career and job is what I need and have been doing wrongly.... I worked hard until I was so tired to be considerate of Dear's needs, and I kept saying I am working hard because of him, he didn't like my not having a stable permanent job. Wrong! saying those made him stress that he is the cause for my unhappiness (Actually I feel bliss to have that aim to work hard so that we may eventually be together and I don't want him to slog his life out for me) He has read my messages wrongly and giving himself unnecessary stress. We both need to learn to communicate better.

Another book I read 101 things to do to find, be in and keep love. It pointed out that we should negotiate expectations to make sure we have a common aim to work towards in this relationship. Another thing learnt which I didn't even think of: there are things we wish there is someone we can do with, there are thigns we want to do only with our partner (or a particular non-partner) and there are things that we will only want to do by ourselves alone. We need to identify those needs of our partner and allow them to go out to carry out their favourite pastime on their own if they choose to, without feeling insecure. It would be even better if you can communicate that you wish to do certain things only by yourself. I didn't know that and I always make Dear so stress for clinging and wanting to follow him where he goes and do what he does. And he compromises and make himself upset and doesn't let me know. I now must find out what are the things he wants to do alone, when and i must tweak and fine-tune my approach to dating him.

Clearing Clutter part 2

2008-12-07T15:46:00.002+08:00

I have been throwing away a lot of things, mainly because I want to clear up my life, and remove memories, keep my house clean. I am still unsatisfied by the space I have, so I intend to clear up more space, thus I am still going around trying to source out as much as I can throw away.

So my friends, if you are looking for something, I am willing to give them to you for free, trust me! You just have to say.

My rooms are definitely more spacious, more clear of clutter, I can feel more breeze coming through. That is indeed a good feeling. And I planned to be dsciplined to keep it that way for as long as I can. Maintaining is always easier than to do a major spring clean every end of the year. If I want system and order in my life, it'd have to start from my room where I spend most of my time in.

I wish Dear's life will be smooth too from 2009 onwards. Fluctuations and variations giving rise to more opportunities is good, but too much or too large an amplitude of it can cause one to have a sea-sick feeling in the pit of our tummies. I figured that... So I guess behaving cool would probably be the most comfortable for young people in their twenties and early thirties.

I look forward to a better 2009.

Clearing Clutter

2008-12-05T13:56:00.002+08:00

I need to re-arrange my life's priority, have begun doing that since late October. Now I decide to really e disciplined and do a planned revamp and cleanup.

I am going to start off (which I have already been doing) by throwing things I don't need from my bedroom and study. Then I will clean off the dust and dirt. Finally I will set things in places or re-organise the space to keep things neat (and hopefuly stick to the habit of maintaining them). That shall be set.

I shall go around and look for things to throw and start a bit of cleaning up today.

Meanwhile, I am also reorganising my work life, targetting to take in 3 more tuition students to fit around my time so I'll get some pocket money while I look for new directions in job.

I am having fun and shining bright in the CIDTT course, I am loving myself more. I am so proud of the correct work I have ben contributing. ;)

Chat

2008-12-04T00:14:00.005+08:00

11:55pmCandy
i went to pray initially(i m not a temple gg person) then slowly his mum knew abt it, maybe it's my being too sensitive, i was at his house when she asked someone to "look at the fengshui"

11:55pmSherina
but there is nothing to throw away.

11:55pmCandy
then shifted things ard, i felt liek they'll measure me and tell him i m a jinx...

11:55pmSherina
except i will be spring cleaning my computer tomorrow.

11:55pmCandy
oh well, then i pretended i m not affected

then she sent a weird sms

11:55pmSherina
what?!?!

she what?!?!

say you are a jinx?!?!?

WHAT?

11:56pmCandy
his mum said " xintian dun ask him 'how r u', cos i went temple they say cannot ask"

she didnt say i m a jinx

11:56pmSherina
ok

good.

11:56pmCandy
i just felt insecure that they (supposedly know abt these superstitious thing) can claim i m (According to their std) a ad omen

i just was v angry

11:57pmSherina
that's stupid.

11:57pmCandy
how can anyone stop another from salutation?

11:57pmSherina
then you shouldn't date him.

idiots.

asking how someone is is concern!

like i ask my friends.....how are you?

how was your day?

11:57pmCandy
so i told her i dun like gg temple to ask for specific help because i m scared ppl will say i m a bad girl

11:57pmSherina
how was work today.

11:57pmCandy
then she replied"nonsense, dun listen"

11:57pmSherina
erm......you are far from bad girl.

11:58pmCandy
i was so angry i replied her " aunty when we go pray dont we want our life to become better, so we do what they say? for eg, not to ask how are u?"

11:58pmSherina
ya

11:58pmCandy
she is just slapping herself in her own fac

11:58pmSherina
and what did she say?!?

11:58pmCandy
and i m just too honest to tell her that

11:58pmSherina
i think that's silly.

11:58pmCandy
she stopped sms-ing totally

11:58pmSherina
are you sure you like the guy so much?

weird people.

what kind of logic is that?

11:59pmCandy
then i called alan and chatted on the phone like nothing happened btwn me and her

i told him that she sent me a sms which i cant understand and when i asked her she said " it was nothing"

12:00amSherina
and?

Today
12:00amCandy
i called to clarified (i suppose it's another temple say cant ask) she said " oh nothing, i just want to tell u wat i wrote on the sms(which is what i cant understand!)

she is weird

12:00amSherina
what temple is this?!?!

12:01amCandy
so i tot, since she into fengshui, i'd better at read read for some general knowledge in case they use it against me, like what i said they can make it up

so i found the spring cleaning book which makes sense

12:01amSherina
haha

12:01amCandy
it was an angmoh girl who wrote it, she says things like " not only fengshui, but it does make u feel better when u dun see a whole chunk of clutter in your house"

12:01amSherina
sorry my thing just closed by itself.

12:02amCandy
nvm

i m just rattling

12:02amSherina
ya........it helps me to throw stuff out when i am unhappy.

i do that all the time.....ramble......

haha ;)

i am sorry to hear that.

just make sure you really like him if you are going through all these ok?

12:02amCandy
i dun throw out, i just look at that and think if i throw out i may never get to see it again

yeah

i think his dad is more supportive

though quietly supportive

at least the dad doesnt behave fickle minded like the mum

12:03amSherina
sigh.

do you really like him?

you must since you are so caring

right?

12:05amCandy
i think he makes a stable husband, in that he just keeps life gg without being bothered with outside stuffs... but he sure is a lousy bf cos he isnt bothered with outside stuff

eg, ppl say he dun give present to me dun bother him

12:05amSherina
aiyo

you are very strong.

12:06amCandy
but it means if we were married, i just get his daily nec done and i m all free

12:06amSherina
i hope my husband will dote on me lots and lots
Today
12:12am
Sherina realizes that she rambles a lot..... :( maybe that's why all her students seem to love chatting with her?!?
11:44pmCandy
hey

11:44pmSherina
hi! :)

so fast :)

just showered.

11:44pmCandy
not slp yet?

11:44pmSherina
haha

11:44pmCandy
u take longer to shower rme?

11:44pmSherina
nah.........

11:44pmCandy
haha

:P

11:44pmSherina
ya......haven't you noticed already.....haha ;)

i shower very very long.

11:45pmCandy
haha

if i have a tub i will bathe v long though

i can soak in a tub for hours when i m abroad

11:45pmSherina
I have no bath tub sigh ;)

so you are teaching tomrorow?

11:46pmCandy
yeah

morning

9.30

which isnt early by my standards

i wake up at ard 7 am everyday

11:46pmSherina
wow you are really disciplined :)

11:46pmCandy
so i can do a little of serious stuff(as opposed to now, i m just relaxing in front of the comp

well, that happens when u grow up ur childhood with a mum who buys enuff canes to put one in each room

11:47pmSherina
haha so cute ;)

11:47pmCandy
and she will say, so u want me to use which colour(the handle of the cane is a coloured plastic

11:48pmSherina
wow......at least you have a choice.....huh?

;)

11:48pmCandy
yeah

i think she is so funny

11:49pmSherina
i have bad memory........i don't remember a lot of my childhood

just study study study

nerd nerd ;)

sigh.

you know my parents are happy we broke up :)

at least :)

11:49pmCandy
so u've done sth proud

11:50pmSherina
they say that they can tell that the guy is just too can't be bothered.

11:50pmCandy
yeah

they always side with us

cos we are their creation

11:50pmSherina
and they say that the parents probably don't like me because we live in hdb

sigh.

they live in landed.

11:50pmCandy
hmm...

11:50pmSherina
somewhere near 6th ave

oh well.

i am ok

11:51pmCandy
but dwelling is not nec an indication of wealth and status

11:51pmSherina
but i hope prince charming comes soon.

but his mother is really into the face thing.

11:51pmCandy
but how did u break up

u said he did lousy stuf

11:51pmSherina
i talked to him

11:51pmCandy
so u really said it straight?

11:51pmSherina
he didn't do anything lousy.

ya....he just didn't do anything.

period

i said it straight.

11:52pmCandy
i mean not doing anything is doing lousy thing

not doing is an action

ok whatever

hmm..

11:52pmSherina
unfortunately i am too straight and honest

that's the way i did it.

11:52pmCandy
but i m straight and honest too

11:52pmSherina
i kind of reasoned it out.

like because A then B

something like that.

11:52pmCandy
but i dun understand why my straight and honest still ends me twinning ard

11:52pmSherina
and you know.......he agreed with me!

aiyo.

11:53pmCandy
i m recently into fengshui

11:53pmSherina
isn't that exasperating.

he really didn't do anything.

i believe in fate.

11:53pmCandy
just to make myself have some non-logical logic to follow

11:53pmSherina
i hope fate says that prince charming will be here soon.

11:54pmCandy
so the first book i borrowed from library is called clear ur clutter with fengshui, it makes me motivated to just throw almost efverything away without feeling sad to waste

11:54pmSherina
you are so cute

i do that when i am upset.

haha my little secret.

haha ;)

11:55pmCandy
i went to pray initially(i m not a temple gg person) then slowly his mum knew abt it, maybe it's my being too sensitive, i was at his house when she asked someone to "look at the fengshui"

11:55pmSherina
but there is nothing to throw away.

11:55pmCandy
then shifted things ard, i felt liek they'll measure me and tell him i m a jinx...

11:55pmSherina
except i will be spring cleaning my computer tomorrow.

11:55pmCandy
oh well, then i pretended i m not affected

then she sent a weird sms

11:55pmSherina
what?!?!

she what?!?!

say you are a jinx?!?!?

WHAT?

11:56pmCandy
his mum said " xintian dun ask him 'how r u', cos i went temple they say cannot ask"

she didnt say i m a jinx

11:56pmSherina
ok

good.

11:56pmCandy
i just felt insecure that they (supposedly know abt these superstitious thing) can claim i m (According to their std) a ad omen

i just was v angry

11:57pmSherina
that's stupid.

11:57pmCandy
how can anyone stop another from salutation?

11:57pmSherina
then you shouldn't date him.

idiots.

asking how someone is is concern!

like i ask my friends.....how are you?

how was your day?

11:57pmCandy
so i told her i dun like gg temple to ask for specific help because i m scared ppl will say i m a bad girl

11:57pmSherina
how was work today.

11:57pmCandy
then she replied"nonsense, dun listen"

11:57pmSherina
erm......you are far from bad girl.

11:58pmCandy
i was so angry i replied her " aunty when we go pray dont we want our life to become better, so we do what they say? for eg, not to ask how are u?"

11:58pmSherina
ya

11:58pmCandy
she is just slapping herself in her own fac

11:58pmSherina
and what did she say?!?

11:58pmCandy
and i m just too honest to tell her that

11:58pmSherina
i think that's silly.

11:58pmCandy
she stopped sms-ing totally

11:58pmSherina
are you sure you like the guy so much?

weird people.

what kind of logic is that?

11:59pmCandy
then i called alan and chatted on the phone like nothing happened btwn me and her

i told him that she sent me a sms which i cant understand and when i asked her she said " it was nothing"

12:00amSherina
and?

Today
12:00amCandy
i called to clarified (i suppose it's another temple say cant ask) she said " oh nothing, i just want to tell u wat i wrote on the sms(which is what i cant understand!)

she is weird

12:00amSherina
what temple is this?!?!

12:01amCandy
so i tot, since she into fengshui, i'd better at read read for some general knowledge in case they use it against me, like what i said they can make it up

so i found the spring cleaning book which makes sense

12:01amSherina
haha

12:01amCandy
it was an angmoh girl who wrote it, she says things like " not only fengshui, but it does make u feel better when u dun see a whole chunk of clutter in your house"

12:01amSherina
sorry my thing just closed by itself.

12:02amCandy
nvm

i m just rattling

12:02amSherina
ya........it helps me to throw stuff out when i am unhappy.

i do that all the time.....ramble......

haha ;)

i am sorry to hear that.

just make sure you really like him if you are going through all these ok?

12:02amCandy
i dun throw out, i just look at that and think if i throw out i may never get to see it again

yeah

i think his dad is more supportive

though quietly supportive

at least the dad doesnt behave fickle minded like the mum

12:03amSherina
sigh.

do you really like him?

you must since you are so caring

right?

12:05amCandy
i think he makes a stable husband, in that he just keeps life gg without being bothered with outside stuffs... but he sure is a lousy bf cos he isnt bothered with outside stuff

eg, ppl say he dun give present to me dun bother him

12:05amSherina
aiyo

you are very strong.

12:06amCandy
but it means if we were married, i just get his daily nec done and i m all free

12:06amSherina
i hope my husband will dote on me lots and lots

12:06amCandy
i cook, he'll eat

12:06amSherina
and we'll do stuff together.

12:06amCandy
u know, he doesnt seem like some who'll refuse to eat just because its not their style

12:06amSherina
haha ;)

you have it all figured out i guess.

12:06amCandy
i cook, he'll eat

12:06amSherina
and we'll do stuff together.

12:06amCandy
u know, he doesnt seem like some who'll refuse to eat just because its not their style

12:06amSherina
haha ;)

you have it all figured out i guess.

12:07amCandy
and he seems like the kind who dun need me to do everything tgt

eg, i dun even think i need to tell him to buy household nec thing

12:07amSherina
you are so independent.

12:07amCandy
i think if i just mention say rice is
finishing, prolly he'll just buy it

u know what i mean

12:07amSherina
wow

12:08amCandy
i cant stand it if a guy who is a gd bf, when u are maried all he knows is still going out with u and playing,

12:08amSherina
ya

12:08amCandythen he isnt aware we need more toothpaste in the house

12:08amSherina
that's bad

12:08amCandy
then v sad right?

12:08amSherina
very

so have to marry the right person or divorce.

Candy
he may not b a v sensitive(At least he is super weak in showing it out), i think he is a highly pragmatc and functional person

12:09amSherina
that's good :) especially if it works for you. everyone needs different things from marriage and relationships :)

12:10amCandy
i saw his gd points being a husband, the
problem is, he doesnt make himself a husband

12:10amSherina
haha

so cute

you are so logical

12:11amCandy
i always think, if u are a lousy bf, and can very possibly be a gd husband, why not stop being a lousy bf and quickly go be a husband,
as soon as u've checked things out and confirmed they are fine, dun need to check, and double check so many times when such things ( like my qualities) dun change much within hours or days

12:12amSherina
he is so not confident of himself

i think you would make a great wife

12:12amCandy
there is just that much anyone outside can help him with that

12:13amSherina
he is quite blind

12:13amCandy
he agrees that i can do this and that (list the household chores that i know how to do)

after agreeing, he says " but i can do it myself"

like slap!

12:14amSherina
crazy

then why even marry?!?

DO EVERYTHING HIMSELF THEN

so selfish.

not sharing

12:18amSherina
then did you ask what he expects of a wife?!

like what does he expect?

or he doesn't want to get married?!

12:18amCandy
then i came up with this counterstatement which miracly work

quite insane

i simply said "but i need help! from u"

12:18amSherina
what's he thinking?

12:18amCandy
so surprised he didnt turn it down

i was thinking like u said, do it himself, y bother

12:19amSherina
i think he hasn't thought about marriage

in his entire life

and what it means you know?

12:20amCandy
he is just gg thru the process

and yet refusing to get t done

let me prepare myself with stuff i can use to counter him

12:20amSherina
i don't understand him.

12:20amCandy
let see...

how abt, if u see a gd thing u cannot dun take it, if u see money at your doorstep and there is no way u can trace its owner, u can leave it ther and not pick it up

thats' bad luck (must tap on his mum's superstition which shd have some deg of impact on him)

12:21amSherina
haha

you are really a good girl......

sigh.

i hope that you'll get what you want.

i think he doesnt have an objective and end product when he started this relationship

12:25amSherina
and would make a wonderful wife.

i think that's the problem.

12:26amCandy

idid and i even stated it out with him and gave him as long as he needed to get back to me
12:21amSherina
haha

you are really a good girl......

sigh.

i hope that you'll get what you want.

12:24amSherina
Candy dear.....i think i am heading off to bed.

i hope your problem will solve soon.

maybe some guys just don't want to get married?

i don't understand what he expects of a wife then.......

maybe he should think about it, and maybe he'll realize that you are wonderful

and would make a wonderful wife.

i think that's the problem.

12:26amCandy
i think he doesnt have an objective and end product when he started this relationship

idid and i even stated it out with him and gave him as long as he needed to get back to me and i think he got back to me out of sheer ego to prove to himself he is some strong guy

12:26amSherina
silly boy.

i think he should think about it and not waste your time.

he can waste his if he wants.

but it is not fair if he wastes yours and cause you so much sadness.

and the fengshui greeting thing is just silly.

i would be soooo unhappy if i were you, but it's good that you are so logical :) and calm :)

best of luck! :)

see you on face book again :)

night night Khim ;)

sleep tight and lots of sweet dreams to you ;)

bye! :)

byeeeee! :)

Candy?

got to go......me have dance lessons early morning.......bye dear ;)

Interesting article about relationship

2008-11-29T13:23:00.001+08:00

http://www.teacherdeveloper.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=1138

I just read an article on the above link... will elaborate my reflections when i have time.

how true...

2008-11-28T12:16:00.000+08:00

its the people you love that get to suffer under ur mistakes. and the biggest pain is when you see the face of your loved one in the pain u created.

horoscope reading (names changed)

2008-11-18T14:40:00.000+08:00

My Sun Opposition His Uranus:

If the two of you depend on each other to perform tasks and meet responsibilties (such as in a business relationship), you will find that it is often difficult to coordinate your schedules or focus on practical details. You do work together well on creative and innovative projects, however, when you do get together. You are likely to pop in and out of each other's lives at unexpected times.

His Sun Opposition My Jupiter:

There is a great deal of enthusiasm and optimism in your relationship. You inspire each other to expand your horizons, explore new possibilities, and improve your financial and social situation. You have a lot of good will towards each other, and also allow each other a lot of freedom. You may, however, engage in risky speculations together that are driven more by optimism and hopefulness than by well thought out plans, and consequently fall far short of your expectations. Overall, however, this astrological influence is a positive one of good will and optimism.

His Sun Trine My Saturn:

If the two of you depend on each other to accomplish practical tasks and be responsible, mature, and dependable to each other (such as in a business relationship or employer-employee relationship), then you will find that this aspect of your relationship is excellent. You can trust each other to get the job done and focus on the essential tasks. You have good attention to detail and your are able to focus on the most important issues when you work together. There is a strong sense of mutual commitment and dedication to each other.

I am struggling

2008-11-16T21:25:00.003+08:00

Yes, I am still undergoing a struggle of my life. I need to put order back in my life.

Dear dear is much more stabilise though he will still have bouts of insecure feeling and anxiety at times. Give him time, I am sure he will recupperate (just hope I do not crumble before he gets well).

On one hand I feel like giving my job hunt for a while (you know the hunt of the nearest-to-ideal job) and relax and re-think my options. On the other hand I do not want it to cause Dear, my family and people around me to feel helpless and stressed about my situation that they either start nagging at me to make me feel worse or they themselves get burdened by my dependency(which may sometimes be self-assumed).

I am really frustrated with my MPM boss, I feel very sorry for the students that she makes the whole system so messy. I can't take it (turning a blind eye to unfair treatment to the clients aka students), so I have decided to quit from her (and hopefully move to other franchise). Now she is coercing me to continue to take the 9-11.30am on Sunday. I want to keep that time (As promised) to Dear for morning exercise, spending time with his family, spending time with my family and doing things I myself like to do. I missed out so much of that this year, and I don't feel compensated by the minute amount of extra income I get after slogging 3/4 of a day at CCK every Sunday. *Sayang Xintian*

Today I kinda lost it and said bluntly " I don't want to take your classes anymore." I even had the rash urge (which thankfully I didn't execute) to sms her and say " I've decided to quit from you WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT". The worst is this drags, I counted: 23/11, 30/11, 7/12, 14/12, 21/12... just maximum five more sundays... I must press on!

Tomorrow I will be starting my CIDTT course. I am feeling nervous, yet Dear isn't quite there to give me moral support. He is goign to go throuh an important session with the Principal and he is quite nervous about it, I can only give him the space, and pray for his peace in mind and for things to go smoothly and not throw him more confusion. After tomorrow, I wish that everything will calm down soon.

A Serious Life

2008-11-15T22:02:00.002+08:00

From one of Jimmy's picture books which I bought for Dear...

Translated and rephrase and reflected upon in my own opinionated words:

Not everything in life needs to be overly serious. Say you are playing hide-and-seek with your friends and you always hide yourself so well that no one can find you, eventually no one will want to play with you. There isn't any game that one will never lose.

I think we all should learn to take a bit of failure here and there with a pinch of salt and admire the growth we went through. Certain things that need not be so strict and stringent I should just let go, relax and feel at ease with the fuss-free lifestyle blessed upon me, why make myself so miserable and have to work so hard just to keep up with strict standards I set for myself? When there is no need to be too serious I should just relax and be more slack with myself.

Less stress will make me and Dear happy.

Iwill be happy for Dear's sake. =)

Now I know what it means by hearts are linked

2008-11-11T22:06:00.002+08:00

I do not mean to put Dear down by posting his problems. I shall keep it discreet for his sake of confidentiality.

It seems like Dear is having trouble getting out of his stress mode. He shouts at all of us not to force him, I have concluded when a man says this he needs to be forced to make a decision, either his own choice or we help him decide the best and force him to use the choice. It will at least take him out of his current loop.

I have decide to give him space and time to cool down. He is really in a mess, messier than I was the last time I was in a rough patch in my life, I could remember the painful decision I had to make to drop one subject in JC. Now he must have felt worse than me. So, parents if you are reading this, sometimes it is not always a good thing your kid grew up with a smooth transition with everything. I had to deal with my first failure when I was 17, lucky to have my dad who was though disappointed that I can't make it but still tried to look supportive. Thanks Dad.

Dads are the same, Dear's daddy must have been going through a hard time and I didn't make life better for him. From Dear's mum, Uncle was actually worried for me too. I felt so touched by his family and it further convinced me tha I want to stay on with him. His sister, though not quite knowing what's going on, gave me a hug and asked (though it sads me) "Xintian, why korkor don't come out see you? I love you Xintian." and she told her dad to also "sayang xintian"... How touching can that be?

I love Dear, I love his mum, his dad, his sister, his aunts and uncles. I love his family.

Relationship Problems

2008-11-10T08:20:00.003+08:00

I am now going through a rather difficult phase of my life of making choices: job, family, boyfriend, courses to upgrade myself etc. (doesn't mean I need too much of consolation, I might feel more stressed, I really don't know)

I always complain that my boyfriend is not good enough, saying things like other guys do this and he doesn't even ge anywhere near. Now I am almost losing him, I realise my mistake: I have been too selfish, measuring him according to what I want, not what he can do.

Seriously at this point in time, I had been reflecting and feeling very stresed that I am going to lose him, I asked myself, " What was I looking for when I shortlisted him? What are some of the criteria that he matched that I choose to be with him and stayed on for nearly two years?" I began to remember what we discussed on our first few outings (won't even call those dates as we were both still deciding if we want to be together).

I recalled I stated very clearly that in this relationship that was about to start, the agenda is marriage, children, family and not quite the usual dating and have fun, experience having a boyfriend kind of relationship. I told him directly " I am not quite looking for a boyfriend who will be so charming to drive me around in posh car, go to posh restaurants, flowers, chocolates... no need for that. I want someone who can bea good husband, who loves my children (even if he loves them more than me) and allow me to be the wife who takes care of his family and be there waiting for him when he comes home from work..."

I can't really type more, I so regret that I didn't quite follow what I set out for him. I had broken the deal, forcing him to go beyond what he has accepted.

If I were to give excuses for myself, I would say that I was too immature to not recall the deal just because I was in a panic that we do not seem to be geared towards marriage which was the most crucial thing in the deal we set out. I should have been more patient. I SHOULD BE MORE PATIENT.

Now, Dear is in a very stressful state, having to juggle between O level exams, NCC CCA, his Masters studies (Assignments, tutorials, readings...), his school work and me. I am not helping much when he say he wants to do his work alone and will come back after all his work is done. I was too wilful to insist on helping him do (yes I know, some things actually cannot be done by outsiders), al with the aim of him finishing faster an hence have more time for me. Selfish of me right?

Week after week, I just can't wait so long, I jumped to my own inner conclusion that he is seeing me not important and therefore leaving me to the last, I now figured out that he was so noble to keep me out of his stress and not want to hurt me. Because of my pestering and whinning at he is not caring enough, he couldn't quite focus. Why must I always e so insistent on things?

He had a number of time wanted to break up, I told him, then I will be good to wait patiently, just ocassionally visit him and we will continue after the O levels and Masters rush. But I didn't quite stick to it. When I wanted to visit him (you know, ometimes waiting is quite unbearable). I told him everything will be fine when he is done with his work. Why didn't I perserver and wait? It's all my fault.

Yesterday I spoilt things again. I reflected harder and really figured out that I was pressing him too hard. SO I wanted to make up for it and bought him chicken essence and chocolates. I wanted to leave it at the door since it was promised that we won't meet. His father saw me and invited me in. I made the choice of being nice since I always throw a din that if Dear isn't nice I refuse to enter his house. I went in and his dad woke him up. He was very angry and wanted to call the deal off. I was so upset with myself for making such a choice. I only wanted to make myself feel better by looking like I can be of help. In the end I made things worse for myself.

I had never seen Dear in such a sorry state before---totally blank mind, totally agitated and can't work properly. I pains me to see him like that and I felt like it was almost a consequent of my naive behaviour of making him chase after me ime and again just because of my tantrum.

I really wish he would give me a chance, just one last one. And I must tell myself to wait patiently. So if my friends reading this as some stuffs to do, please take me along if you can before I get too "free" and start sms-ing and calling him and spoiling things again. I just need to hang on for one week. (O levels ends on thursday, but it might be good to give him a few more days to really relax and cool off first)

Just one more week! Let's hope for the best.

Proceed with life

2008-11-07T11:46:00.002+08:00

Spent the whole morning talking to friends on the phone... thanks to those who picked up and talked to me...

Summary of what they said:

Doing a course in anything is good, it is a form of upgrade, better still if it gets you to where you want to be.

You must know where and exactly what you want for yourself, not being selfish, but you should consider you own desires and achievements you want to attain first, work towards that and people will see you in a different light.

You should be less needy, get a variety of company for a variety of purpose and activities, in short, get a life of your own.

I have decided to pursue the Cambridge International Diploma for Teachers and Trainers, under the GIG education centre. Anyone sees this and thinks it's a scam do alert me.

Zither vs Yangqin

2008-11-05T16:10:00.002+08:00

I was so happy to have purchased my very own zither in this SOLO trip. It costed me 800,000IDR which is less than 130SGD.

Learning to play this sweet little thing makes me happy. I used to think I can never make any obvious link with gamelan and yangqin. But hey! during the learning and practising process, I realised the very strange similarity: both the siter(as spelt in Indonesia, like you sit on it) and yangqin requires coordination of left and right hands and nothing much more. I mean, it isn't quite like the piano where you need to use all 10 fingers in some ocassions. The hardest part for me was that both hands are positioned differently and different actions are used for playing and damping, resulting in more than 4 possible manouvres. But I was glad I am slowly getting used to it and loving the sweet tingly sound it produces.

When I was playing the siter, I have the picture of myself on a rope swing. I don't really know why this happens. The rope swing is carefully cushioned with dusty(I don't mean the powderish dirt) pink satin to make it more comfortable. The swing moves gently back and forth, and somehow I have to keep playing, passing the melody from hand to hand and sometimes each hand being the suport for the other, all for the sake of keeping the clockwork momentum going and not stop.

Pictures from SOLO

2008-11-05T10:25:00.006+08:00

A holiday break, a fresh new start.

2008-10-21T14:06:00.002+08:00

Life hasn't been good in terms of work. I need to seek employment elsewhere. I need to consider many many factors such as
1) so I want to stay in the same line?
2) am I still happy with the policy and pay and the system that things work?
3) what do I want from my career and what are the impact of these 'wants' on other parts of my life?

many many more...

I am now not going to think, and I will try my best to totally enjoy myself in SOLO city (aka Surakarta) and then start planning and making job applications for next year in November.

So friends who are going to SOLO with me, if you read this, try not to discuss about job, just make sure we have great fun there. There is a time for everything, when it's time to play, I'd rather not be bothered by other stressors in life.

Thank God that there isn't winter in Singapore to make the gloomy feelings worse.

Rival

2008-10-08T14:07:00.001+08:00

This is so much of a coincidence, Dear dear met his Rival who stays just next to our school while we were walking back from lunch.

Term 4 Madness

2008-09-16T08:23:00.004+08:00

Term 4 is madness, rushing, revising, basically (attempting to) doing what is supposed to be spread out in a year in 3-4 weeks!

SO many things to tackle, 3 CO concerts, SOLO trip ticketing, settle my money and passport for the trip, planing december trip (Dear basically dumped the duty of finding good deal on me), revising and finishing syllabus with the students, tuition, music lessons....

Today I have taken a day off, to sort things out away from the noise (not just from the students) in school. Yes doing work unpaid at home. To settle payment for the SOLO trip and to collect my ebay bid (and pay the seller money cos I have no card).

I bidded for two Me-to-You bears at S$10 each. Cool!~ I am looking forward to collecting them. Dear dear always hesitqate about buying it for me in the shop cos it is too expensive, so I have decided to buy myself my own present... Isn't it so lousy to be his girlfriend? The only few good things I can think of are he doesnt smoke, he drives, he can be bullied in various way, his responses are quite slow in that he can't multi-task too much(meaning no time to look for other girls)...

The girl he used to admire in JC is organising a chalet this sat, just in time for his ending of reservist. I really don't like it when he attends functions that involves her, especially when it is organised by her. Even though he says it is over, but I can't be sure about her. I don't really like being in her presence and feeling jealous of the nice things he does for her (like buying her birthday cake, and I didn't even get a sweet for mine, saying that it is a group effort and he is tasked that year to buy her birthday cake). On the other hand, I don't feel safe if I let him go alone to the function and he refuses to just go a while and we go off somewhere else.

Another trip to SOLO city

2008-09-05T09:44:00.002+08:00

Singa Nglaras is going to Solo city again. Finally after lots of struggle with sponsorship and discounts (which we failed to get), we have finalised and splited into two contingent. One group will got via KL and take Air Asia to Solo on Friday and the rest of us will take the Silkair flight to Solo directly on Saturday.

For me, I do not have any cards to make booking and payment for online budget airlines and hence being lazy ( the differecne in price isn't that much anyway) chosen to follow the crowd taking silkair.

It's a good time to start planning what I want to buy and start changing my money to USD efore it strengthen too much.

Rain rain rain...

2008-08-27T15:09:00.002+08:00

This is the time of the year that rainfall is rather high, usually ocurring in the afternoons just when you are about to leave for lunch.

I kind of like the cool temperature but definitely not the wetness of it. I do not like to carry an ugly umbrella and walk along the street, even if I do make the effort to carry one in my bag.

"Glam" (for glamourous) is the 'in' word when it comes to the end of the year. Everything I do, wear, carry have association with me should at least make me feel good, not to say elevate me to another level of pride and confidence.

I really envy teenagers who use Samsonite (yes, just that, and not even some super luxurious Coach bag) pencil case, Braun Buffel wallets... sorry, I am in a tai-tai-ish mood.

Khim feels like shopping (cheap shopping)!!!!!

Performances

2008-08-03T19:43:00.002+08:00

August usually mark my busiest time of the year with loads of gigs and concerts and performances... Nope, I am not a getai singer though this is the SEASON.

Just finished a chamber concert yesterday night, playing two quintet pieces, a duet and a ensemble repertoire. I would say given the short amount of time for practice, the concert was quite well done: a lot of effort put in and evidence that musicians are disciplined beings and know how to juggle time and when to prioritise what.

Next up, I will be performing something different: Gamelan with the NUS Singanglaras Gamelan Ensemble. We will be performing two opening pieces and also providing full musical accopaniment for a very interesting wayang--- fusion of both traditional wayang kulit and wayang orang and dance. It's going to be fun. Do come and support!~

Gamelan Performance @ Malay Village
16th August 2008, saturday
Malay Village
7 pm onwards
Free Admission.

After the Wayang, I will be putting up another concert with the SYCO in the Beautiful Sunday Series by the Esplanade.

Chinese Orchestra Performance
14th September 2008, sunday
Esplanade Concert Hall
3pm
Free Admission.

Personaility Tests

2008-07-30T11:59:00.001+08:00

You are a complex lady. You are ruled by the planet Venus that makes you knowledgeable instinctively in the art of seduction. You love beautiful objects and adornments and will welcome any quality gifts that your lover buys for you. You always know exactly what you want and you will become quite stubborn if you don't get it. As long as your man stays on your good side and treats you with tender loving care you will be affectionate and willing to give him whatever he wants. You are eager to learn about life and the man that can teach you the ins and outs will win your heart. You look for a lover who is sincere, appreciative and knowledgeable about getting the best quality for the best price. If your chosen partner lives up to your standards you will be a loyal, loving and excellent bed mate.

Your lover must approach you properly in order to win your heart. You love good cooking and fine wine. The way to your heart is definitely through your stomach. You are turned off by individuals who exaggerate or color the truth. You like to be admired and will respond if your lover is encouraging.

I love you, you love me

2008-07-22T21:12:00.001+08:00

I love DEAR and DEAR loves me. =)

I am going to claim my taxi fares from him, on a monthly basis. Yeah!~ (I've collected ALL the receipts)

Leopard doesn't change its spots

2008-07-05T11:46:00.002+08:00

Leopards don't change their spots,
Zebras don't change their stripes.
Nature made them that way,
so it's best to leave them that way.

(Can you imagine a striped leopard or a spotted leopard?)

The ogre in wayang is always the BIG guy with lots of (redundant) actions and noise,
while the noble 'good guys' seldom even lift a finger or say much.

sum si oaix ner

2008-07-04T20:14:00.002+08:00

zui jin man dao mei de
bu zhi shi cai dao gou shi hai shi yu jian xiao ren
you ren ba kuai le jian li zai wo de tong ku shang
er qie shi ming yu shou sun na zhong

shui rang wo jin nian fan tai sui
wo kan wo shi you de shou de le

Last weekend was good...

2008-07-04T20:13:00.000+08:00

After some long time of arguments and near break-up, Dear dear and I have gone back to normal since school has started. Saturday was well spent at Plaza Singapura, shopping for each other’s things (not really, he bought stuffs, but I can’t find things to buy).

Anyway, little cuddles, and pecks are always welcomed. I especially felt loved the instant he grabbed my waist gently when I returned from the toilet, almost like saying he missed me while I was in the washroom.

Now I realised I can be rewarding by doing random unplanned things that doesn’t really have a purpose, for example like this just sauntering around the malls with him and getting nothing done for the whole afternoon.

Family

2008-06-28T19:21:00.002+08:00

From the japanese movie, 14 sai no haha.

"Are you jealous?
It's okay to say you're jealous if you'r jealous.
Because it is true that your child will be born without a Papa.
If you aren't honest, you won't last long.

I am jealous! Very jealous...
I'm so jealous I'd cry!
I want to make a family like that too!
I want everyone to celebrate for me!~
I want him to be delighted!"

100th post

2008-06-27T23:54:00.001+08:00

I was tryingto save my 100th post for something nice, but bad things just have to pop up. The next few paragraphs are comments to Mus's blog which I don't htink he wil approve but as my character, I would like to clarify to my friends.

"Don't complain, disclaimer, I wasn't the one who organise it, Alan was, and refused to take comments, so just let him be embarrassed.

Anyways, I did ask what you all would like to bring and I wil bring the rest, since everyone is as usual very enthu, I was very glad I saved some money.

The bbq was changed from my 4pm by the group to 5.30 so I aimed to reach at 5.20 which we did but were waiting for a parking lot. Don't make it sound like we didn't do much.

Anyway, I just thought we always potluck for other bbq, no one would be too upset about bring some stuffs to share and since you and thomas are good are bread and vegetables which everyone likes, isn't it a good idea to bring what we are good at making and together as a group make the BBQ a very good one.

I did bring a mixer like powdered version of syrup but it didn't work cause the dispenser didn't come. Sorry to all on behalf of that."

Back to school in 3 days

2008-06-19T20:29:00.002+08:00

School is going to re-open (not that it has even been closed) in 3 days time, on Monday 23 June.

I kinda missed most of the holiday wih quarreling with BF, being sick and stuck at home and being busy with SYCO concert.

Oh well, at least after fighting, BF and I are still good for now.

On sat will be bbq, anyone feel free to join us.

Dear Hung up on me

2008-06-12T16:54:00.002+08:00

Dear hung up on me again... petty man! He sms in the morning asking if I wanna have dinner (hey yesterday he volunteered to come over and bring me lunch cos I am a sick patient), I didn't reply him.

Instead I decided to call, and after 2 hours of continuous calling I managed to reach him, and guess what I got from him? He said I was being noisy (as in make a din) and he say we shd hung up. Then my HP died of no battery (of cos lah, 2 hours trying to reach him) then I called back, he rejected the call after 3 rings(yes, I counted) and he switched off the phone.

This is not the first time he hung and switched off his phone on me. I think it is already not polite not returning (either sms or call back) missed calls, somemore so many and so long later then he just sms " sorry at pc show", asked him why he didnt picked up, instead of appologising he said " it's so noisy here, (here comes the angry part:) anyway I was watching movie and until now then I am free!" This just shows where he places me. How can I depend on such a man (or jerk) for the rest of my life, shd there be an emergency, will he get back to me in time before I die? (I mean, this sounds funny and extreme but if you think of it, if you were married, your next-of-kin is ur husband, u call him and he doesnt respond, u'd prolly call others in line, maybe all busy, then u'll just die while he's having fun with his mates--- an activity considered much more important than your life.

Magic Pen game that tests your physics proficiency

2008-06-09T16:45:00.001+08:00

http://www.maxgames.com/game/magic-pen.html
this game got me hooked for hours and days

Voiceless Day 2

2008-06-09T13:28:00.000+08:00

Day two without my voice: this is getting boring, can’t speak, appearing rude and hostile… ok, I can’t even pick up the phone… no, I am not handicapped, but what’s the point if you pick up the phone but can’t even say “HELLO”?

Sigh... I am getting depressed already. I am signing things and keeping things simple. I am sure people who find me naggy and irritating are loving the new voiceless me…

Tried all sorts of things people have described: salt water gargle and drink down a sip of it to “kill the germs”, tea, ginger water, warm water, honey… They do work and my throat is less painful but still nonetheless dry… I seem to be able to croak a croak if I try hard enough…

Voice-less day

2008-06-08T16:24:00.003+08:00

Today I woke up with totally no voice at all, a swollen throat (I mean the inside) and very grossly thick mucus that refuses to come out (forcing it out adds on to the pain in the already swollen interior of the throat).

Didn't go for class (to teach), can't get to sleep, no voice only, I seem to be trying to sleep so that I need not talk to anyone in the house. So I resorted to coming online. Play online games, watch youtue, loads of nonsense and it is still only 4-ish!!!! Argh!!!!

But wait, it is already 4-ish and my voice isn't near coming back, what should I do tomorrow? How do I cancel a class if the other party don't have a handphone for sms-ing (children, parent overseas can't reach) and I don't have a voice?

Sigh... Voice, come back!

Dear's cooking

2008-06-05T11:03:00.003+08:00

Today Dear is going to cook dinner for me at his house. According to his SMS, he is goign to make egg noodles with sausages, prawns and cabbage. I am so looking forward to it, might blog about it from his computer later...

(reserve this space for pictures of his "masterpiece")

After lunch, we will be watching movie at 3.30pm at westmall and I should try to remember to buy a little present for my SYCO mortal. (shh... not telling you who, but it is quite a challenge to get something appropraite)

It is now the end of the 2nd week of holidays and I haven't got much done. Perhaps I should take the first 3 days of next week while Dear is at NCC school camp to
1. Prepare some work for my students in school
2. Prepare some work for my tuition students
3. Clear out some of the drawers and cupboards (I said "SOME", let's not be too ambitious)
4. Make plans for the rest of holidays =)

SYCO concert!

2008-06-04T11:20:00.001+08:00

This weekend is the Singapore Youth Chinese Orchestra (SYCO) Concert! Thus this week is super packed--- everyday from 7 to 9.30pm we have orchestral combined practices Monday to Friday with the cumulating annual concert on Saturday. I will be playing 4 of the 5 songs as 3 of us have to rotate among the 2 instruments.

Tickets are available from sistic. Please spread the word around and do come and support!

Forwarded info about the oncert: (or go to www.sco.com.sg)
Singapore Youth Chinese Orchestra Annual Concert 2008
The Symphony of SYCO

7 Jun (Sat), 8pm
Singapore Chinese Orchestra Concert Hall

Tsung Yeh Conductor
Yao Shen Shen Conductor
Yvonne Tay Guzheng soloist
Chang Le Suona soloist

The General´s Command Gu Guan Ren
In Search of the Roots of the Ancient Pagoda Tree Zhao
Ji Ping
Bumper Harvest Worship Kuan Nai-chung
Gada Meilin Symphonic Poem Liu Wen Jin

Blogthings

2008-05-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

Another day out

2008-05-30T19:51:00.003+08:00

Today went out for lunch with Dear dear, so funny lah, we can't decide where to go, just drive and drive, wanted to go to Tiong Bahru, halfway driving Dear was too tired, decided we should go Holland Village. Holland Village nowhere to park, decided to go to this Rideout Macs along Farrer Road and Queensway.. If you know where I am talking about, this park like place in the middle of nowhere and you'll be like eating in a park... Anyway, we ended up driving in the wrong direction and ended up eating at Serene Centre, which is now packed with St Margaret's Ladies.

After lunch we rackied the place (like there is anything much to see) and then went off. Can't decide where to go again so ended up at Jurong East Library's Cafe after much driving around almost near town. The Avocado Flow is superb, light yet nice. Then Dear went off for his first class of his upgrading studies. I continued shopping and ended up buying three pieces of clothes. Guess how much I spent?
.
.
.
.
.
Only $15!!! It was those everythign $5 This Fashion/ Alano/ Coax sale thing in the atrium. quite pleased with my buys hopefully they fit. Will post the pictures when I try them and taken pictures. I bought a little jacket, those short short kind, one spaghetti flora print cotton dress and a glossy silver dress.

Happy happy! =)

Shop shop and shop

2008-05-29T20:42:00.011+08:00

Yesterday went to mustafa and shop with Eileen and Mus, Dear decided to detach and shop on his own.

I bought these:

bling bling ponytail hair clip @S$6.00
indian style bangle @ S$2.50
another set of indian style bangle @ S$3.00

I love the children's (because of the suitability of size) punjabi suit, cheap and nice.

Also bought a big box of incense for my dad, white musk "flavour"/"fragrance".

Today after tuition at Dairy Farm, feeling bored I decided to shop in town. At first didn't buy anything at all, feeling a bit grumpy that I am so lousy at spending money despite Dear dear giving me a "blue bird" to spend for the week. In the end bought these:

Cutie/ Mickey Mouse kint top from hang ten @ S$15
Cotton dress from Robinsons @ S$19
Another dress from This Fashion @ S$12

Holidays are Here!

2008-05-28T11:57:00.002+08:00

The June holidays are here and I am working hard to maintain my income (relief teachers don't get paid during the holidays). Other than that I am hanging out with friends more because we can accommodate each others' schedule with better ease.

Tonight I am meeting Eileen and Mus and Koong for Indian fod. Then we are going to Mustafa to shop. I am eye-ing the bangles and accesories, might even buy a set of indian clothes or two. Oh well, hope it is fun.

Musical Notes doing some sexy things

2008-05-25T20:30:00.002+08:00

Copied this from my friend's blog, hope I don't get sued...

Butterfly Hearts

Good and Bad buys to prepare you for cold vacation

Trip to italy

李敖，《只爱一点点》

三字经,礼运

work zoo

farmstay

The last Tuesday

2011 I welcome you!

Another wedding attended

From my friend, Jenn Chiang

A Fresh New Begining

Japanese Food at Illuma again!

Pictures of food and Menu

how to stay COOL in this HOT weather-PRELUDE

Happy Birthday to me!

Upcoming performance Events

Ads

A concert review: NUSSO playing Berlioz's Symphony Fantastique

The true meaning of words

An Essay on Improvements (in a serious tone)

On music thoughts and cultivation of culture

Art and Science of Music

Arithmancy Reading

Photos taken this new year

Still spring cleaning during CNY...:(

新年快乐

Divertimento

bated, abated, baited?

我会用华文

Musical Box

Love makes one plumper? Practice makes one plumper?

Countdown part two

Countdown 2010

New Year Resolution

Horoscopes 2010

The musician's last bow

A Sleazy story by my prof (transmitted via sms)

Musician

To compose or decompose?

First Lesson with my Harmony/composing teacher

Other interesting shots

One child policy exists even in the plants empire!

A day at HORT PARK

The gig of 3.5hours of solo music and a beautiful gown

The Day of 13 Blooming together (17 July)

Fabulous gown

The Shape Personality Test

The Shape Personality Test

Wireless still down

Wireless is down

Money is hard to make!

My first hand-crafted jewellery

June Photos

Night out while the malls light out

Tired

Performance with MDC---Rose among the thorns

MDC shows --- my long-time-no-see friends

More SENTOSA pictures

Flower Exhibition @Sentosa

a note i wrote on facebook

Life's contradiction

Things I never did...

Clearing Clutter part 2

Clearing Clutter

Chat

Interesting article about relationship

how true...

horoscope reading (names changed)

I am struggling

A Serious Life

Now I know what it means by hearts are linked

Relationship Problems

Proceed with life

Zither vs Yangqin

Pictures from SOLO

A holiday break, a fresh new start.

Rival

Term 4 Madness

Another trip to SOLO city