work work work until i lost myself

first day of new assignment, will blog about it in a few days.


i actually tot syco has activity today, went down totally no one,
called office , told that it is supposed to be on wed, went shoping at chinatown, bought nothing at all.

I feel so tired having a 7-day week, so tired... I wanna be a tai tai!

back to the embrace of Dear

Finally left Unity, going back to be so so so near to Dear, but he refuse to let me sit next to him. :(

I felt quite sorry for my buddy that I won't help her anymore in her school. Oh well, I guess we can still keep in touch and exchange views about education. At least I managed to get away from some rather irritatingly unprofessional relief teachers and adjunct teachers.

I look forward to Monday, 'new' school, Boudville's and SYCO. YAY!

Thank You Dear for being so loving

Dear was marvellous yesterday. I had a bad day, feeling about lousy having to terminate my assignment at Unity to transfer myself to Fajar. After my Basic Driving theory lesson, Dear suddenly SMS me to offer to pick me up. How sweet of him. =) We had a short but loving moment together and I felt bonded and loved.

Today I was feeling quite sick, falling sick, but dragged myself to the Boudville's house, the children were GREAT.

Asked if Dear can pick me up after gamelan but he said he was feeling sick too, I hope we will both get well soon.

Un-stability

Everything is so unstable now, job especially, that I don't feel much like blogging about it. WIll keep people updated about my life. Right now I am telling myself to look forward to a chinese new year full of BIG red packets and a java-solo trip full of new things to learn!

end of week2

It's coming to the end of week 2 of term one, I've gotten better knowledge of my buddy wei-ee and the two classes I was to co-teach with her. School isn't too bad though not quite the type of deployment I was looking for: wrong subject(which can be a good new addition to my portfolio) and certainly I felt very weird having to share load with someone I hardly know and share credits too. Being an only child all my life, I never knew how to share properly.

Amidst the emotional stress I am facing, worrying about people gossiping about me sitting in the staffroom doing nothing, about how my peers think of me... I am forever worrisome about little nitty-grtty matters. Oh yes the sentence is incomplete, Amidst_______________, blah blah is happening...

Amidst the stress and frustration about my job, I sense that my relationship with Dear has been sustaining cracks here and there after our Christmas quarrel. Once again I put him low down on the scale and complained that he does not match up to my expectation, and my goodness, I even told him " If you are going to continue to becoming even more sloppy about our relationship, please take your leave!" How could I have said that? He's such a rare gem who can tolerate my nonsensical sudden swing of mood and emotions, and yet I was unappreciative just because he was unable to keep to his promise of meeting up for lunch?

Although I blame myself, I still do not understand why as people say " men are like that", men usually put up a nice wayang in the initial stages of courtship, making date frequency from once a month to once a fortnight to once every week, twice every week to the talking about buying house, buying engagement ring, children, house, car... It all seems wonderful and progressing smoothly when all of a sudden all I get was the once during the weekend half a day meetup. I felt unbalanced as I had tried very hard to satisfy both the requirement of having good sustainable income and still having time to spend with Dear. Sometimes, I hold myself together from falling apart, squashed up schedules so that I can squeeze out 2 more hours to add to my usual 1 hour break, sometimes teaching tuition during mealtimes to that we can have a night out without having to rush to somewhere. I know men usually don't enjoy dates when the girl has a time limit and have to rush off for work. I squeeze and squash myself in terms of schedule and earning power hoping to be more loved, how do I feel when I sudden seem to be reverted back to the trying out period of merely having a single meal and then adjourn home kind of weekly meeting affair?

I don't know why is the relationship moving backwards from discussing how children's education, caretaking should be, it suddenly became " I don't think we know each other well enough to get married(which technically is true even if you only talk about the length of time we know each other)" and "I am like that, it is my character, if you cannot live with this then you cannot be with me"... ...

My friend sums it up in one line " men can't multitask".

Back to school

This blog will be some thoughts I have during my first few days in school. I was assigned not to teach classes by myself but to assist a teacher who is overloaded. Initially I didn't feel very good that I was treated like a teacher's aid more than a relief teacher, but later, I was really glad that this teacher I was to help is really open to sharing her ideas and helping me grow in terms of preparing to teach English.

Lesson preparation is more important than teaching. Choosing and presenting the resource appropraitely lays everything in the correct order.

Preparing to help students with Oral Exams also allows me to assess my own communication skills, presentation confidence and logical order of thought. This probably is something I should bear in mind during interviews. Afterall, it is all about being an effective communicator/ conversationist.

2008 Hooray!~

Today is the first day of the year 2008. Happy New Year to all. The first logical things to do on this day is probably to reflect about the past year and set new resolutions and objectives to accomplish.

Year 2007:
Job hopped around, taught a few schools for “longer” period of deployment, thus accumulating a substantial portfolio that (maybe ONLY) makes me a better person to hire for teaching relief duties.Still didn’t get into NIE in the year 2007 as hoped, making plans to better prepare myself and how to make myself a better candidate to take in.

Found a new boyfriend, more stable, more matured, better temperament, better personal qualities (such as manners but not necessary into etiquette, personal grooming, compassion etc) but less rich. Family habits similar to mine, parents’ expectation quite predictable, not too complicated to manage for the moment. Dumped the previous boyfriend, tried to stay as friends.

My family is busy, mum and dad both changed jobs in 2007, which gives me more strain in my finding a job, but I still want to stick to my initial target to teach. Have enrolled and in the midst of completing my MPM instructor’s certification. Dad now runs his own business as a delivery man, and mum has to help him after her own work hours, sometimes into the very late hours of the day. I feel kind of sad for being unable to help them much, but I really would like not to take a just any job for the sake of it.

Thus, resolutions for 2008:
1. Continue to build my teaching portfolio, make it more explicit that I need help with getting into NIE, hope someone out there would help and the help will serve its purpose this year (the earlier the merrier)
2. Build a better relationship with Dear and work towards getting some outcomes. Discuss honestly but not hurtingly. Love him more so he will too.
3. Try to re-schedule “extra”- work hours so as to have more free time to spend with my family and loved one during their “normal” off days.
4. If I have extra resources, pamper myself and make myself more beautiful and lovable.