I am struggling

Yes, I am still undergoing a struggle of my life. I need to put order back in my life.

Dear dear is much more stabilise though he will still have bouts of insecure feeling and anxiety at times. Give him time, I am sure he will recupperate (just hope I do not crumble before he gets well).

On one hand I feel like giving my job hunt for a while (you know the hunt of the nearest-to-ideal job) and relax and re-think my options. On the other hand I do not want it to cause Dear, my family and people around me to feel helpless and stressed about my situation that they either start nagging at me to make me feel worse or they themselves get burdened by my dependency(which may sometimes be self-assumed).

I am really frustrated with my MPM boss, I feel very sorry for the students that she makes the whole system so messy. I can't take it (turning a blind eye to unfair treatment to the clients aka students), so I have decided to quit from her (and hopefully move to other franchise). Now she is coercing me to continue to take the 9-11.30am on Sunday. I want to keep that time (As promised) to Dear for morning exercise, spending time with his family, spending time with my family and doing things I myself like to do. I missed out so much of that this year, and I don't feel compensated by the minute amount of extra income I get after slogging 3/4 of a day at CCK every Sunday. *Sayang Xintian*

Today I kinda lost it and said bluntly " I don't want to take your classes anymore." I even had the rash urge (which thankfully I didn't execute) to sms her and say " I've decided to quit from you WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT". The worst is this drags, I counted: 23/11, 30/11, 7/12, 14/12, 21/12... just maximum five more sundays... I must press on!

Tomorrow I will be starting my CIDTT course. I am feeling nervous, yet Dear isn't quite there to give me moral support. He is goign to go throuh an important session with the Principal and he is quite nervous about it, I can only give him the space, and pray for his peace in mind and for things to go smoothly and not throw him more confusion. After tomorrow, I wish that everything will calm down soon.