Irritated...

Yesterday went out with Dear for lunch despite my serious flu plus the heavy rain.

I just don't get it why the issue of a stable job keeps coming from him. It is true that it is important that I have a stable job, but I find that he is pushing his luck too far and I cerainly do not agree with some of the phrases he used on me, for instance:

"Hopefully if you find a stable job, you will be more mature with the stability."<--- someone give me more insights, I don't really see the connection between growing mature with a stabilised job

I love working in a school (although there are people trying to put me off with their dreadful experiences), and I don't really see why being a long term (almost contracted) relief teacher is so far off by my Dear's standard of holding a stable job.

With more jobs having the nature of contracted as opposed to the life-long stick-to-it style of the past, I see my current job not too far off from a 9 month's contract of 7 hours 5 day week job without paid leave (I still can apply unpaid leave and keep my position which I have just did for my Solo Trip) nor medical benefits.

Isn't that a mature enuff choice to plan my route to get into nie from there, as in you know recommendation and all that, if I want a letter, I need to stay put and not appear unstable at my job, but he is always making noise abt stability and that makes me very unstable at work.

When i tell him my plan he says it's sensible and sounds logical but after some time he will bring the issue up and claim that i dun have a plan for myself, after repeating a few times i get v tired of it.

I felt so hurt when he proclaim that frankly he isn't sure if we will end up together and he is still thinking of he is asking too much of me for certain things. Yet on the other hand he says that I accuse him unfairly of things he never asked me to do and I did them because I was stupid (for example I made use of the flexibility of tuition to make our outing more pleasant without having a tuition to attend to in the middle of a nice cosy lunch) and that he didn't ask me to do that. Furthermore he went on to say that the future is uncertain (which I'd agree in most context of life), we may end up together because he have decided to love and accept me wholeheartedly, or it may also be because he has no one else and have decide to stick around with me for companion. I thought I had been the one who was reluctant to accept that he is below my expected ideal criteria and took almost a year to teach myself love him more wholeheartly. Now that I have almost given 100% and decided not to look for more options he is telling me if I think he is not good I can look for better candidates. It makes me feel that my efforts to tame myself to stay by him has all been wasted and foolish.

I certainly think that all these have at least a minute part to do with men's ego. He doen't really know what he want and cannot face it when things are a bit stormy. If he were 100% sure of what he is really looking for he would be able to list out something like an ideal list and we can work out together what we each can accomodate and what we are each willing to accept and make do with. I don't really want to label him as immature since I am much younger than him I do not really have the basis to do that.