Life's contradiction

I am kind of pissed off with how my life treats me.

I say to my Dear I am happy, he says " how can you say you are happy when you are always angry with something" (I am angry with the fact that he disbelieves my comment about being happy)

I hate to be distrusted (for no reason), it makes me feel wronged, trapped.

I say I love him, he gives me a wriggly body language, another one of those i-don't-think-you-mean-what-you-say kind of behaviour, almost like saying " don't lie and pretend you love me just so that you will get my love". I know it's kind of cunning to be acusing him like this as well, but can you imagine the hurt I felt when I am at the receiving end of such lousy body language. And when confronted days later, he said " I was just joking with you with that gesture and trying to be funny about your saying " I love you". WTH!

Another ironic thing, as an agreement to be a more guai girl, I compromised, stop asking or even expecting him to do what he don't like (like dine with my parents, which the thought of it gives him headache, the way gamelan music does to him) and he likes to stay within his house, fine! I gave in, didn't care what my mum had to comment about unmarried, unengaged girls spending huge amount of time at their bf's. I hung out in his house, it is unfair you know, making myself go into his territory where I am most unsafe in a sense. Yes, he says he appreciates it and can see the change (when I forcefully ask him did he realise)... Now I am feeling like this:

He doesn't want commitment: no no to anything to do with settling down, ROM, marriage. But on the other hand, he wants (or prefers) it that I am happy spending time as if I am part of the family. You want me to behave like I am part of the family ( and thankfully the family doesnt seem to have objections about that, providing dinner and letting me in the house) and yet it is so clearly stated that I will never be your family (married wife), at least not anytime soon. I feel so frustrated! Isn't it selfish, trying to kill two birds with one stone? He can behave like a goody boy, spends most of the week with his family, while I have to spend time with his family so that it can be counted as he having spent time with me? I mean if there's a payoff of a possible upcoming wedding then there is a dateline to the "suffering", it'll just be an endless wait.

Egoistic Singaporean Men!

I tried to bring up this point, he says he just wants to keep things simple and why can't I just not think too much and just keep things simple? Isn't it already far enough I have compromised? I ask if he wants to join me for a meal, he needs to think for hours and have to wait till the very last minute then tell me his decision and I'll have to dine alone since it's too late to ask anyone else so impromtu... Argh!@#$%^ what's wrong with this little boy? can he grow up?