Things I never did...

I was arrogant and proud, and thought of that as confidence instead.
Recently being more alone than usual, I have picked up reading again. I realised I always start thigns off enthusiastically, and never quite finish them off as nicely as they could have been. One of the things that I regretted not doing was to be reading books on relationships--- I only read those teaching you how to get a guy, but I took it for granted that when the guy is with me I can have the best of worlds (if he loves me enough)... and I never take much effort to maintain the relationship, I never read any of those " how to stay together in a relationship" kind of books. Now I am in deep regret.

I am not regretting and not doing anything, I read randomly about anything that can make me change for a better person. I read a book about fengshui and clearing clutter, and got so enthusiatic about clearing my whole house because the bok says it can help with targeted asects of our lives : I want to improve my relationship with Dear. Also it can help with career and job is what I need and have been doing wrongly.... I worked hard until I was so tired to be considerate of Dear's needs, and I kept saying I am working hard because of him, he didn't like my not having a stable permanent job. Wrong! saying those made him stress that he is the cause for my unhappiness (Actually I feel bliss to have that aim to work hard so that we may eventually be together and I don't want him to slog his life out for me) He has read my messages wrongly and giving himself unnecessary stress. We both need to learn to communicate better.

Another book I read 101 things to do to find, be in and keep love. It pointed out that we should negotiate expectations to make sure we have a common aim to work towards in this relationship. Another thing learnt which I didn't even think of: there are things we wish there is someone we can do with, there are thigns we want to do only with our partner (or a particular non-partner) and there are things that we will only want to do by ourselves alone. We need to identify those needs of our partner and allow them to go out to carry out their favourite pastime on their own if they choose to, without feeling insecure. It would be even better if you can communicate that you wish to do certain things only by yourself. I didn't know that and I always make Dear so stress for clinging and wanting to follow him where he goes and do what he does. And he compromises and make himself upset and doesn't let me know. I now must find out what are the things he wants to do alone, when and i must tweak and fine-tune my approach to dating him.