Tired

For some reasons, I felt physically tired today after a mere two periods of 55mins each with my two classes. Where is the energetic and optimistic Xintian? I hope this down period will be over soon. I am now typing this entry, thinking about how much my life and lifestyle has changed and how much more will it have to change. I must do something about it to make myself happy, but I am really very tired: mentally and physically. Sometimes I think it may not be a totally bad idea to have a sugar daddy. Some other man who will take me out if our schedules match and take me to breathe fresh air, enjoy tea, look at things I have never took notice of, basically let me know that there are loving souls who care about me and that kind of love goes beyond the romantic. I mean, ask a young men near my age frequently to keep me company, he will probably think I am up to something, trying to hook him and stuff, or just find it too tiring to upkeep the “duty” of keeping me company, or fear that I may love him and devour him like a female praying mantis? Sometimes Men are difficult to understand.