I am kind of pissed off with how my life treats me.
I say to my Dear I am happy, he says " how can you say you are happy when you are always angry with something" (I am angry with the fact that he disbelieves my comment about being happy)
I hate to be distrusted (for no reason), it makes me feel wronged, trapped.
I say I love him, he gives me a wriggly body language, another one of those i-don't-think-you-mean-what-you-say kind of behaviour, almost like saying " don't lie and pretend you love me just so that you will get my love". I know it's kind of cunning to be acusing him like this as well, but can you imagine the hurt I felt when I am at the receiving end of such lousy body language. And when confronted days later, he said " I was just joking with you with that gesture and trying to be funny about your saying " I love you". WTH!
Another ironic thing, as an agreement to be a more guai girl, I compromised, stop asking or even expecting him to do what he don't like (like dine with my parents, which the thought of it gives him headache, the way gamelan music does to him) and he likes to stay within his house, fine! I gave in, didn't care what my mum had to comment about unmarried, unengaged girls spending huge amount of time at their bf's. I hung out in his house, it is unfair you know, making myself go into his territory where I am most unsafe in a sense. Yes, he says he appreciates it and can see the change (when I forcefully ask him did he realise)... Now I am feeling like this:
He doesn't want commitment: no no to anything to do with settling down, ROM, marriage. But on the other hand, he wants (or prefers) it that I am happy spending time as if I am part of the family. You want me to behave like I am part of the family ( and thankfully the family doesnt seem to have objections about that, providing dinner and letting me in the house) and yet it is so clearly stated that I will never be your family (married wife), at least not anytime soon. I feel so frustrated! Isn't it selfish, trying to kill two birds with one stone? He can behave like a goody boy, spends most of the week with his family, while I have to spend time with his family so that it can be counted as he having spent time with me? I mean if there's a payoff of a possible upcoming wedding then there is a dateline to the "suffering", it'll just be an endless wait.
Egoistic Singaporean Men!
I tried to bring up this point, he says he just wants to keep things simple and why can't I just not think too much and just keep things simple? Isn't it already far enough I have compromised? I ask if he wants to join me for a meal, he needs to think for hours and have to wait till the very last minute then tell me his decision and I'll have to dine alone since it's too late to ask anyone else so impromtu... Argh!@#$%^ what's wrong with this little boy? can he grow up?
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Things I never did...
I was arrogant and proud, and thought of that as confidence instead.
Recently being more alone than usual, I have picked up reading again. I realised I always start thigns off enthusiastically, and never quite finish them off as nicely as they could have been. One of the things that I regretted not doing was to be reading books on relationships--- I only read those teaching you how to get a guy, but I took it for granted that when the guy is with me I can have the best of worlds (if he loves me enough)... and I never take much effort to maintain the relationship, I never read any of those " how to stay together in a relationship" kind of books. Now I am in deep regret.
I am not regretting and not doing anything, I read randomly about anything that can make me change for a better person. I read a book about fengshui and clearing clutter, and got so enthusiatic about clearing my whole house because the bok says it can help with targeted asects of our lives : I want to improve my relationship with Dear. Also it can help with career and job is what I need and have been doing wrongly.... I worked hard until I was so tired to be considerate of Dear's needs, and I kept saying I am working hard because of him, he didn't like my not having a stable permanent job. Wrong! saying those made him stress that he is the cause for my unhappiness (Actually I feel bliss to have that aim to work hard so that we may eventually be together and I don't want him to slog his life out for me) He has read my messages wrongly and giving himself unnecessary stress. We both need to learn to communicate better.
Another book I read 101 things to do to find, be in and keep love. It pointed out that we should negotiate expectations to make sure we have a common aim to work towards in this relationship. Another thing learnt which I didn't even think of: there are things we wish there is someone we can do with, there are thigns we want to do only with our partner (or a particular non-partner) and there are things that we will only want to do by ourselves alone. We need to identify those needs of our partner and allow them to go out to carry out their favourite pastime on their own if they choose to, without feeling insecure. It would be even better if you can communicate that you wish to do certain things only by yourself. I didn't know that and I always make Dear so stress for clinging and wanting to follow him where he goes and do what he does. And he compromises and make himself upset and doesn't let me know. I now must find out what are the things he wants to do alone, when and i must tweak and fine-tune my approach to dating him.
Recently being more alone than usual, I have picked up reading again. I realised I always start thigns off enthusiastically, and never quite finish them off as nicely as they could have been. One of the things that I regretted not doing was to be reading books on relationships--- I only read those teaching you how to get a guy, but I took it for granted that when the guy is with me I can have the best of worlds (if he loves me enough)... and I never take much effort to maintain the relationship, I never read any of those " how to stay together in a relationship" kind of books. Now I am in deep regret.
I am not regretting and not doing anything, I read randomly about anything that can make me change for a better person. I read a book about fengshui and clearing clutter, and got so enthusiatic about clearing my whole house because the bok says it can help with targeted asects of our lives : I want to improve my relationship with Dear. Also it can help with career and job is what I need and have been doing wrongly.... I worked hard until I was so tired to be considerate of Dear's needs, and I kept saying I am working hard because of him, he didn't like my not having a stable permanent job. Wrong! saying those made him stress that he is the cause for my unhappiness (Actually I feel bliss to have that aim to work hard so that we may eventually be together and I don't want him to slog his life out for me) He has read my messages wrongly and giving himself unnecessary stress. We both need to learn to communicate better.
Another book I read 101 things to do to find, be in and keep love. It pointed out that we should negotiate expectations to make sure we have a common aim to work towards in this relationship. Another thing learnt which I didn't even think of: there are things we wish there is someone we can do with, there are thigns we want to do only with our partner (or a particular non-partner) and there are things that we will only want to do by ourselves alone. We need to identify those needs of our partner and allow them to go out to carry out their favourite pastime on their own if they choose to, without feeling insecure. It would be even better if you can communicate that you wish to do certain things only by yourself. I didn't know that and I always make Dear so stress for clinging and wanting to follow him where he goes and do what he does. And he compromises and make himself upset and doesn't let me know. I now must find out what are the things he wants to do alone, when and i must tweak and fine-tune my approach to dating him.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Clearing Clutter part 2
I have been throwing away a lot of things, mainly because I want to clear up my life, and remove memories, keep my house clean. I am still unsatisfied by the space I have, so I intend to clear up more space, thus I am still going around trying to source out as much as I can throw away.
So my friends, if you are looking for something, I am willing to give them to you for free, trust me! You just have to say.
My rooms are definitely more spacious, more clear of clutter, I can feel more breeze coming through. That is indeed a good feeling. And I planned to be dsciplined to keep it that way for as long as I can. Maintaining is always easier than to do a major spring clean every end of the year. If I want system and order in my life, it'd have to start from my room where I spend most of my time in.
I wish Dear's life will be smooth too from 2009 onwards. Fluctuations and variations giving rise to more opportunities is good, but too much or too large an amplitude of it can cause one to have a sea-sick feeling in the pit of our tummies. I figured that... So I guess behaving cool would probably be the most comfortable for young people in their twenties and early thirties.
I look forward to a better 2009.
So my friends, if you are looking for something, I am willing to give them to you for free, trust me! You just have to say.
My rooms are definitely more spacious, more clear of clutter, I can feel more breeze coming through. That is indeed a good feeling. And I planned to be dsciplined to keep it that way for as long as I can. Maintaining is always easier than to do a major spring clean every end of the year. If I want system and order in my life, it'd have to start from my room where I spend most of my time in.
I wish Dear's life will be smooth too from 2009 onwards. Fluctuations and variations giving rise to more opportunities is good, but too much or too large an amplitude of it can cause one to have a sea-sick feeling in the pit of our tummies. I figured that... So I guess behaving cool would probably be the most comfortable for young people in their twenties and early thirties.
I look forward to a better 2009.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Clearing Clutter
I need to re-arrange my life's priority, have begun doing that since late October. Now I decide to really e disciplined and do a planned revamp and cleanup.
I am going to start off (which I have already been doing) by throwing things I don't need from my bedroom and study. Then I will clean off the dust and dirt. Finally I will set things in places or re-organise the space to keep things neat (and hopefuly stick to the habit of maintaining them). That shall be set.
I shall go around and look for things to throw and start a bit of cleaning up today.
Meanwhile, I am also reorganising my work life, targetting to take in 3 more tuition students to fit around my time so I'll get some pocket money while I look for new directions in job.
I am having fun and shining bright in the CIDTT course, I am loving myself more. I am so proud of the correct work I have ben contributing. ;)
I am going to start off (which I have already been doing) by throwing things I don't need from my bedroom and study. Then I will clean off the dust and dirt. Finally I will set things in places or re-organise the space to keep things neat (and hopefuly stick to the habit of maintaining them). That shall be set.
I shall go around and look for things to throw and start a bit of cleaning up today.
Meanwhile, I am also reorganising my work life, targetting to take in 3 more tuition students to fit around my time so I'll get some pocket money while I look for new directions in job.
I am having fun and shining bright in the CIDTT course, I am loving myself more. I am so proud of the correct work I have ben contributing. ;)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Chat
11:55pmCandy
i went to pray initially(i m not a temple gg person) then slowly his mum knew abt it, maybe it's my being too sensitive, i was at his house when she asked someone to "look at the fengshui"
11:55pmSherina
but there is nothing to throw away.
11:55pmCandy
then shifted things ard, i felt liek they'll measure me and tell him i m a jinx...
11:55pmSherina
except i will be spring cleaning my computer tomorrow.
11:55pmCandy
oh well, then i pretended i m not affected
then she sent a weird sms
11:55pmSherina
what?!?!
she what?!?!
say you are a jinx?!?!?
WHAT?
11:56pmCandy
his mum said " xintian dun ask him 'how r u', cos i went temple they say cannot ask"
she didnt say i m a jinx
11:56pmSherina
ok
good.
11:56pmCandy
i just felt insecure that they (supposedly know abt these superstitious thing) can claim i m (According to their std) a ad omen
i just was v angry
11:57pmSherina
that's stupid.
11:57pmCandy
how can anyone stop another from salutation?
11:57pmSherina
then you shouldn't date him.
idiots.
asking how someone is is concern!
like i ask my friends.....how are you?
how was your day?
11:57pmCandy
so i told her i dun like gg temple to ask for specific help because i m scared ppl will say i m a bad girl
11:57pmSherina
how was work today.
11:57pmCandy
then she replied"nonsense, dun listen"
11:57pmSherina
erm......you are far from bad girl.
11:58pmCandy
i was so angry i replied her " aunty when we go pray dont we want our life to become better, so we do what they say? for eg, not to ask how are u?"
11:58pmSherina
ya
11:58pmCandy
she is just slapping herself in her own fac
11:58pmSherina
and what did she say?!?
11:58pmCandy
and i m just too honest to tell her that
11:58pmSherina
i think that's silly.
11:58pmCandy
she stopped sms-ing totally
11:58pmSherina
are you sure you like the guy so much?
weird people.
what kind of logic is that?
11:59pmCandy
then i called alan and chatted on the phone like nothing happened btwn me and her
i told him that she sent me a sms which i cant understand and when i asked her she said " it was nothing"
12:00amSherina
and?
Today
12:00amCandy
i called to clarified (i suppose it's another temple say cant ask) she said " oh nothing, i just want to tell u wat i wrote on the sms(which is what i cant understand!)
she is weird
12:00amSherina
what temple is this?!?!
12:01amCandy
so i tot, since she into fengshui, i'd better at read read for some general knowledge in case they use it against me, like what i said they can make it up
so i found the spring cleaning book which makes sense
12:01amSherina
haha
12:01amCandy
it was an angmoh girl who wrote it, she says things like " not only fengshui, but it does make u feel better when u dun see a whole chunk of clutter in your house"
12:01amSherina
sorry my thing just closed by itself.
12:02amCandy
nvm
i m just rattling
12:02amSherina
ya........it helps me to throw stuff out when i am unhappy.
i do that all the time.....ramble......
haha ;)
i am sorry to hear that.
just make sure you really like him if you are going through all these ok?
12:02amCandy
i dun throw out, i just look at that and think if i throw out i may never get to see it again
yeah
i think his dad is more supportive
though quietly supportive
at least the dad doesnt behave fickle minded like the mum
12:03amSherina
sigh.
do you really like him?
you must since you are so caring
right?
12:05amCandy
i think he makes a stable husband, in that he just keeps life gg without being bothered with outside stuffs... but he sure is a lousy bf cos he isnt bothered with outside stuff
eg, ppl say he dun give present to me dun bother him
12:05amSherina
aiyo
you are very strong.
12:06amCandy
but it means if we were married, i just get his daily nec done and i m all free
12:06amSherina
i hope my husband will dote on me lots and lots
Today
12:12am
Sherina realizes that she rambles a lot..... :( maybe that's why all her students seem to love chatting with her?!?
11:44pmCandy
hey
11:44pmSherina
hi! :)
so fast :)
just showered.
11:44pmCandy
not slp yet?
11:44pmSherina
haha
11:44pmCandy
u take longer to shower rme?
11:44pmSherina
nah.........
11:44pmCandy
haha
:P
11:44pmSherina
ya......haven't you noticed already.....haha ;)
i shower very very long.
11:45pmCandy
haha
if i have a tub i will bathe v long though
i can soak in a tub for hours when i m abroad
11:45pmSherina
I have no bath tub sigh ;)
so you are teaching tomrorow?
11:46pmCandy
yeah
morning
9.30
which isnt early by my standards
i wake up at ard 7 am everyday
11:46pmSherina
wow you are really disciplined :)
11:46pmCandy
so i can do a little of serious stuff(as opposed to now, i m just relaxing in front of the comp
well, that happens when u grow up ur childhood with a mum who buys enuff canes to put one in each room
11:47pmSherina
haha so cute ;)
11:47pmCandy
and she will say, so u want me to use which colour(the handle of the cane is a coloured plastic
11:48pmSherina
wow......at least you have a choice.....huh?
;)
11:48pmCandy
yeah
i think she is so funny
11:49pmSherina
i have bad memory........i don't remember a lot of my childhood
just study study study
nerd nerd ;)
sigh.
you know my parents are happy we broke up :)
at least :)
11:49pmCandy
so u've done sth proud
11:50pmSherina
they say that they can tell that the guy is just too can't be bothered.
11:50pmCandy
yeah
they always side with us
cos we are their creation
11:50pmSherina
and they say that the parents probably don't like me because we live in hdb
sigh.
they live in landed.
11:50pmCandy
hmm...
11:50pmSherina
somewhere near 6th ave
oh well.
i am ok
11:51pmCandy
but dwelling is not nec an indication of wealth and status
11:51pmSherina
but i hope prince charming comes soon.
but his mother is really into the face thing.
11:51pmCandy
but how did u break up
u said he did lousy stuf
11:51pmSherina
i talked to him
11:51pmCandy
so u really said it straight?
11:51pmSherina
he didn't do anything lousy.
ya....he just didn't do anything.
period
i said it straight.
11:52pmCandy
i mean not doing anything is doing lousy thing
not doing is an action
ok whatever
hmm..
11:52pmSherina
unfortunately i am too straight and honest
that's the way i did it.
11:52pmCandy
but i m straight and honest too
11:52pmSherina
i kind of reasoned it out.
like because A then B
something like that.
11:52pmCandy
but i dun understand why my straight and honest still ends me twinning ard
11:52pmSherina
and you know.......he agreed with me!
aiyo.
11:53pmCandy
i m recently into fengshui
11:53pmSherina
isn't that exasperating.
he really didn't do anything.
i believe in fate.
11:53pmCandy
just to make myself have some non-logical logic to follow
11:53pmSherina
i hope fate says that prince charming will be here soon.
11:54pmCandy
so the first book i borrowed from library is called clear ur clutter with fengshui, it makes me motivated to just throw almost efverything away without feeling sad to waste
11:54pmSherina
you are so cute
i do that when i am upset.
haha my little secret.
haha ;)
11:55pmCandy
i went to pray initially(i m not a temple gg person) then slowly his mum knew abt it, maybe it's my being too sensitive, i was at his house when she asked someone to "look at the fengshui"
11:55pmSherina
but there is nothing to throw away.
11:55pmCandy
then shifted things ard, i felt liek they'll measure me and tell him i m a jinx...
11:55pmSherina
except i will be spring cleaning my computer tomorrow.
11:55pmCandy
oh well, then i pretended i m not affected
then she sent a weird sms
11:55pmSherina
what?!?!
she what?!?!
say you are a jinx?!?!?
WHAT?
11:56pmCandy
his mum said " xintian dun ask him 'how r u', cos i went temple they say cannot ask"
she didnt say i m a jinx
11:56pmSherina
ok
good.
11:56pmCandy
i just felt insecure that they (supposedly know abt these superstitious thing) can claim i m (According to their std) a ad omen
i just was v angry
11:57pmSherina
that's stupid.
11:57pmCandy
how can anyone stop another from salutation?
11:57pmSherina
then you shouldn't date him.
idiots.
asking how someone is is concern!
like i ask my friends.....how are you?
how was your day?
11:57pmCandy
so i told her i dun like gg temple to ask for specific help because i m scared ppl will say i m a bad girl
11:57pmSherina
how was work today.
11:57pmCandy
then she replied"nonsense, dun listen"
11:57pmSherina
erm......you are far from bad girl.
11:58pmCandy
i was so angry i replied her " aunty when we go pray dont we want our life to become better, so we do what they say? for eg, not to ask how are u?"
11:58pmSherina
ya
11:58pmCandy
she is just slapping herself in her own fac
11:58pmSherina
and what did she say?!?
11:58pmCandy
and i m just too honest to tell her that
11:58pmSherina
i think that's silly.
11:58pmCandy
she stopped sms-ing totally
11:58pmSherina
are you sure you like the guy so much?
weird people.
what kind of logic is that?
11:59pmCandy
then i called alan and chatted on the phone like nothing happened btwn me and her
i told him that she sent me a sms which i cant understand and when i asked her she said " it was nothing"
12:00amSherina
and?
Today
12:00amCandy
i called to clarified (i suppose it's another temple say cant ask) she said " oh nothing, i just want to tell u wat i wrote on the sms(which is what i cant understand!)
she is weird
12:00amSherina
what temple is this?!?!
12:01amCandy
so i tot, since she into fengshui, i'd better at read read for some general knowledge in case they use it against me, like what i said they can make it up
so i found the spring cleaning book which makes sense
12:01amSherina
haha
12:01amCandy
it was an angmoh girl who wrote it, she says things like " not only fengshui, but it does make u feel better when u dun see a whole chunk of clutter in your house"
12:01amSherina
sorry my thing just closed by itself.
12:02amCandy
nvm
i m just rattling
12:02amSherina
ya........it helps me to throw stuff out when i am unhappy.
i do that all the time.....ramble......
haha ;)
i am sorry to hear that.
just make sure you really like him if you are going through all these ok?
12:02amCandy
i dun throw out, i just look at that and think if i throw out i may never get to see it again
yeah
i think his dad is more supportive
though quietly supportive
at least the dad doesnt behave fickle minded like the mum
12:03amSherina
sigh.
do you really like him?
you must since you are so caring
right?
12:05amCandy
i think he makes a stable husband, in that he just keeps life gg without being bothered with outside stuffs... but he sure is a lousy bf cos he isnt bothered with outside stuff
eg, ppl say he dun give present to me dun bother him
12:05amSherina
aiyo
you are very strong.
12:06amCandy
but it means if we were married, i just get his daily nec done and i m all free
12:06amSherina
i hope my husband will dote on me lots and lots
12:06amCandy
i cook, he'll eat
12:06amSherina
and we'll do stuff together.
12:06amCandy
u know, he doesnt seem like some who'll refuse to eat just because its not their style
12:06amSherina
haha ;)
you have it all figured out i guess.
12:06amCandy
i cook, he'll eat
12:06amSherina
and we'll do stuff together.
12:06amCandy
u know, he doesnt seem like some who'll refuse to eat just because its not their style
12:06amSherina
haha ;)
you have it all figured out i guess.
12:07amCandy
and he seems like the kind who dun need me to do everything tgt
eg, i dun even think i need to tell him to buy household nec thing
12:07amSherina
you are so independent.
12:07amCandy
i think if i just mention say rice is
finishing, prolly he'll just buy it
u know what i mean
12:07amSherina
wow
12:08amCandy
i cant stand it if a guy who is a gd bf, when u are maried all he knows is still going out with u and playing,
12:08amSherina
ya
12:08amCandythen he isnt aware we need more toothpaste in the house
12:08amSherina
that's bad
12:08amCandy
then v sad right?
12:08amSherina
very
so have to marry the right person or divorce.
Candy
he may not b a v sensitive(At least he is super weak in showing it out), i think he is a highly pragmatc and functional person
12:09amSherina
that's good :) especially if it works for you. everyone needs different things from marriage and relationships :)
12:10amCandy
i saw his gd points being a husband, the
problem is, he doesnt make himself a husband
12:10amSherina
haha
so cute
you are so logical
12:11amCandy
i always think, if u are a lousy bf, and can very possibly be a gd husband, why not stop being a lousy bf and quickly go be a husband,
as soon as u've checked things out and confirmed they are fine, dun need to check, and double check so many times when such things ( like my qualities) dun change much within hours or days
12:12amSherina
he is so not confident of himself
i think you would make a great wife
12:12amCandy
there is just that much anyone outside can help him with that
12:13amSherina
he is quite blind
12:13amCandy
he agrees that i can do this and that (list the household chores that i know how to do)
after agreeing, he says " but i can do it myself"
like slap!
12:14amSherina
crazy
then why even marry?!?
DO EVERYTHING HIMSELF THEN
so selfish.
not sharing
12:18amSherina
then did you ask what he expects of a wife?!
like what does he expect?
or he doesn't want to get married?!
12:18amCandy
then i came up with this counterstatement which miracly work
quite insane
i simply said "but i need help! from u"
12:18amSherina
what's he thinking?
12:18amCandy
so surprised he didnt turn it down
i was thinking like u said, do it himself, y bother
12:19amSherina
i think he hasn't thought about marriage
in his entire life
and what it means you know?
12:20amCandy
he is just gg thru the process
and yet refusing to get t done
let me prepare myself with stuff i can use to counter him
12:20amSherina
i don't understand him.
12:20amCandy
let see...
how abt, if u see a gd thing u cannot dun take it, if u see money at your doorstep and there is no way u can trace its owner, u can leave it ther and not pick it up
thats' bad luck (must tap on his mum's superstition which shd have some deg of impact on him)
12:21amSherina
haha
you are really a good girl......
sigh.
i hope that you'll get what you want.
i think he doesnt have an objective and end product when he started this relationship
12:25amSherina
and would make a wonderful wife.
i think that's the problem.
12:26amCandy
idid and i even stated it out with him and gave him as long as he needed to get back to me
12:21amSherina
haha
you are really a good girl......
sigh.
i hope that you'll get what you want.
12:24amSherina
Candy dear.....i think i am heading off to bed.
i hope your problem will solve soon.
maybe some guys just don't want to get married?
i don't understand what he expects of a wife then.......
maybe he should think about it, and maybe he'll realize that you are wonderful
and would make a wonderful wife.
i think that's the problem.
12:26amCandy
i think he doesnt have an objective and end product when he started this relationship
idid and i even stated it out with him and gave him as long as he needed to get back to me and i think he got back to me out of sheer ego to prove to himself he is some strong guy
12:26amSherina
silly boy.
i think he should think about it and not waste your time.
he can waste his if he wants.
but it is not fair if he wastes yours and cause you so much sadness.
and the fengshui greeting thing is just silly.
i would be soooo unhappy if i were you, but it's good that you are so logical :) and calm :)
best of luck! :)
see you on face book again :)
night night Khim ;)
sleep tight and lots of sweet dreams to you ;)
bye! :)
byeeeee! :)
Candy?
got to go......me have dance lessons early morning.......bye dear ;)
i went to pray initially(i m not a temple gg person) then slowly his mum knew abt it, maybe it's my being too sensitive, i was at his house when she asked someone to "look at the fengshui"
11:55pmSherina
but there is nothing to throw away.
11:55pmCandy
then shifted things ard, i felt liek they'll measure me and tell him i m a jinx...
11:55pmSherina
except i will be spring cleaning my computer tomorrow.
11:55pmCandy
oh well, then i pretended i m not affected
then she sent a weird sms
11:55pmSherina
what?!?!
she what?!?!
say you are a jinx?!?!?
WHAT?
11:56pmCandy
his mum said " xintian dun ask him 'how r u', cos i went temple they say cannot ask"
she didnt say i m a jinx
11:56pmSherina
ok
good.
11:56pmCandy
i just felt insecure that they (supposedly know abt these superstitious thing) can claim i m (According to their std) a ad omen
i just was v angry
11:57pmSherina
that's stupid.
11:57pmCandy
how can anyone stop another from salutation?
11:57pmSherina
then you shouldn't date him.
idiots.
asking how someone is is concern!
like i ask my friends.....how are you?
how was your day?
11:57pmCandy
so i told her i dun like gg temple to ask for specific help because i m scared ppl will say i m a bad girl
11:57pmSherina
how was work today.
11:57pmCandy
then she replied"nonsense, dun listen"
11:57pmSherina
erm......you are far from bad girl.
11:58pmCandy
i was so angry i replied her " aunty when we go pray dont we want our life to become better, so we do what they say? for eg, not to ask how are u?"
11:58pmSherina
ya
11:58pmCandy
she is just slapping herself in her own fac
11:58pmSherina
and what did she say?!?
11:58pmCandy
and i m just too honest to tell her that
11:58pmSherina
i think that's silly.
11:58pmCandy
she stopped sms-ing totally
11:58pmSherina
are you sure you like the guy so much?
weird people.
what kind of logic is that?
11:59pmCandy
then i called alan and chatted on the phone like nothing happened btwn me and her
i told him that she sent me a sms which i cant understand and when i asked her she said " it was nothing"
12:00amSherina
and?
Today
12:00amCandy
i called to clarified (i suppose it's another temple say cant ask) she said " oh nothing, i just want to tell u wat i wrote on the sms(which is what i cant understand!)
she is weird
12:00amSherina
what temple is this?!?!
12:01amCandy
so i tot, since she into fengshui, i'd better at read read for some general knowledge in case they use it against me, like what i said they can make it up
so i found the spring cleaning book which makes sense
12:01amSherina
haha
12:01amCandy
it was an angmoh girl who wrote it, she says things like " not only fengshui, but it does make u feel better when u dun see a whole chunk of clutter in your house"
12:01amSherina
sorry my thing just closed by itself.
12:02amCandy
nvm
i m just rattling
12:02amSherina
ya........it helps me to throw stuff out when i am unhappy.
i do that all the time.....ramble......
haha ;)
i am sorry to hear that.
just make sure you really like him if you are going through all these ok?
12:02amCandy
i dun throw out, i just look at that and think if i throw out i may never get to see it again
yeah
i think his dad is more supportive
though quietly supportive
at least the dad doesnt behave fickle minded like the mum
12:03amSherina
sigh.
do you really like him?
you must since you are so caring
right?
12:05amCandy
i think he makes a stable husband, in that he just keeps life gg without being bothered with outside stuffs... but he sure is a lousy bf cos he isnt bothered with outside stuff
eg, ppl say he dun give present to me dun bother him
12:05amSherina
aiyo
you are very strong.
12:06amCandy
but it means if we were married, i just get his daily nec done and i m all free
12:06amSherina
i hope my husband will dote on me lots and lots
Today
12:12am
Sherina realizes that she rambles a lot..... :( maybe that's why all her students seem to love chatting with her?!?
11:44pmCandy
hey
11:44pmSherina
hi! :)
so fast :)
just showered.
11:44pmCandy
not slp yet?
11:44pmSherina
haha
11:44pmCandy
u take longer to shower rme?
11:44pmSherina
nah.........
11:44pmCandy
haha
:P
11:44pmSherina
ya......haven't you noticed already.....haha ;)
i shower very very long.
11:45pmCandy
haha
if i have a tub i will bathe v long though
i can soak in a tub for hours when i m abroad
11:45pmSherina
I have no bath tub sigh ;)
so you are teaching tomrorow?
11:46pmCandy
yeah
morning
9.30
which isnt early by my standards
i wake up at ard 7 am everyday
11:46pmSherina
wow you are really disciplined :)
11:46pmCandy
so i can do a little of serious stuff(as opposed to now, i m just relaxing in front of the comp
well, that happens when u grow up ur childhood with a mum who buys enuff canes to put one in each room
11:47pmSherina
haha so cute ;)
11:47pmCandy
and she will say, so u want me to use which colour(the handle of the cane is a coloured plastic
11:48pmSherina
wow......at least you have a choice.....huh?
;)
11:48pmCandy
yeah
i think she is so funny
11:49pmSherina
i have bad memory........i don't remember a lot of my childhood
just study study study
nerd nerd ;)
sigh.
you know my parents are happy we broke up :)
at least :)
11:49pmCandy
so u've done sth proud
11:50pmSherina
they say that they can tell that the guy is just too can't be bothered.
11:50pmCandy
yeah
they always side with us
cos we are their creation
11:50pmSherina
and they say that the parents probably don't like me because we live in hdb
sigh.
they live in landed.
11:50pmCandy
hmm...
11:50pmSherina
somewhere near 6th ave
oh well.
i am ok
11:51pmCandy
but dwelling is not nec an indication of wealth and status
11:51pmSherina
but i hope prince charming comes soon.
but his mother is really into the face thing.
11:51pmCandy
but how did u break up
u said he did lousy stuf
11:51pmSherina
i talked to him
11:51pmCandy
so u really said it straight?
11:51pmSherina
he didn't do anything lousy.
ya....he just didn't do anything.
period
i said it straight.
11:52pmCandy
i mean not doing anything is doing lousy thing
not doing is an action
ok whatever
hmm..
11:52pmSherina
unfortunately i am too straight and honest
that's the way i did it.
11:52pmCandy
but i m straight and honest too
11:52pmSherina
i kind of reasoned it out.
like because A then B
something like that.
11:52pmCandy
but i dun understand why my straight and honest still ends me twinning ard
11:52pmSherina
and you know.......he agreed with me!
aiyo.
11:53pmCandy
i m recently into fengshui
11:53pmSherina
isn't that exasperating.
he really didn't do anything.
i believe in fate.
11:53pmCandy
just to make myself have some non-logical logic to follow
11:53pmSherina
i hope fate says that prince charming will be here soon.
11:54pmCandy
so the first book i borrowed from library is called clear ur clutter with fengshui, it makes me motivated to just throw almost efverything away without feeling sad to waste
11:54pmSherina
you are so cute
i do that when i am upset.
haha my little secret.
haha ;)
11:55pmCandy
i went to pray initially(i m not a temple gg person) then slowly his mum knew abt it, maybe it's my being too sensitive, i was at his house when she asked someone to "look at the fengshui"
11:55pmSherina
but there is nothing to throw away.
11:55pmCandy
then shifted things ard, i felt liek they'll measure me and tell him i m a jinx...
11:55pmSherina
except i will be spring cleaning my computer tomorrow.
11:55pmCandy
oh well, then i pretended i m not affected
then she sent a weird sms
11:55pmSherina
what?!?!
she what?!?!
say you are a jinx?!?!?
WHAT?
11:56pmCandy
his mum said " xintian dun ask him 'how r u', cos i went temple they say cannot ask"
she didnt say i m a jinx
11:56pmSherina
ok
good.
11:56pmCandy
i just felt insecure that they (supposedly know abt these superstitious thing) can claim i m (According to their std) a ad omen
i just was v angry
11:57pmSherina
that's stupid.
11:57pmCandy
how can anyone stop another from salutation?
11:57pmSherina
then you shouldn't date him.
idiots.
asking how someone is is concern!
like i ask my friends.....how are you?
how was your day?
11:57pmCandy
so i told her i dun like gg temple to ask for specific help because i m scared ppl will say i m a bad girl
11:57pmSherina
how was work today.
11:57pmCandy
then she replied"nonsense, dun listen"
11:57pmSherina
erm......you are far from bad girl.
11:58pmCandy
i was so angry i replied her " aunty when we go pray dont we want our life to become better, so we do what they say? for eg, not to ask how are u?"
11:58pmSherina
ya
11:58pmCandy
she is just slapping herself in her own fac
11:58pmSherina
and what did she say?!?
11:58pmCandy
and i m just too honest to tell her that
11:58pmSherina
i think that's silly.
11:58pmCandy
she stopped sms-ing totally
11:58pmSherina
are you sure you like the guy so much?
weird people.
what kind of logic is that?
11:59pmCandy
then i called alan and chatted on the phone like nothing happened btwn me and her
i told him that she sent me a sms which i cant understand and when i asked her she said " it was nothing"
12:00amSherina
and?
Today
12:00amCandy
i called to clarified (i suppose it's another temple say cant ask) she said " oh nothing, i just want to tell u wat i wrote on the sms(which is what i cant understand!)
she is weird
12:00amSherina
what temple is this?!?!
12:01amCandy
so i tot, since she into fengshui, i'd better at read read for some general knowledge in case they use it against me, like what i said they can make it up
so i found the spring cleaning book which makes sense
12:01amSherina
haha
12:01amCandy
it was an angmoh girl who wrote it, she says things like " not only fengshui, but it does make u feel better when u dun see a whole chunk of clutter in your house"
12:01amSherina
sorry my thing just closed by itself.
12:02amCandy
nvm
i m just rattling
12:02amSherina
ya........it helps me to throw stuff out when i am unhappy.
i do that all the time.....ramble......
haha ;)
i am sorry to hear that.
just make sure you really like him if you are going through all these ok?
12:02amCandy
i dun throw out, i just look at that and think if i throw out i may never get to see it again
yeah
i think his dad is more supportive
though quietly supportive
at least the dad doesnt behave fickle minded like the mum
12:03amSherina
sigh.
do you really like him?
you must since you are so caring
right?
12:05amCandy
i think he makes a stable husband, in that he just keeps life gg without being bothered with outside stuffs... but he sure is a lousy bf cos he isnt bothered with outside stuff
eg, ppl say he dun give present to me dun bother him
12:05amSherina
aiyo
you are very strong.
12:06amCandy
but it means if we were married, i just get his daily nec done and i m all free
12:06amSherina
i hope my husband will dote on me lots and lots
12:06amCandy
i cook, he'll eat
12:06amSherina
and we'll do stuff together.
12:06amCandy
u know, he doesnt seem like some who'll refuse to eat just because its not their style
12:06amSherina
haha ;)
you have it all figured out i guess.
12:06amCandy
i cook, he'll eat
12:06amSherina
and we'll do stuff together.
12:06amCandy
u know, he doesnt seem like some who'll refuse to eat just because its not their style
12:06amSherina
haha ;)
you have it all figured out i guess.
12:07amCandy
and he seems like the kind who dun need me to do everything tgt
eg, i dun even think i need to tell him to buy household nec thing
12:07amSherina
you are so independent.
12:07amCandy
i think if i just mention say rice is
finishing, prolly he'll just buy it
u know what i mean
12:07amSherina
wow
12:08amCandy
i cant stand it if a guy who is a gd bf, when u are maried all he knows is still going out with u and playing,
12:08amSherina
ya
12:08amCandythen he isnt aware we need more toothpaste in the house
12:08amSherina
that's bad
12:08amCandy
then v sad right?
12:08amSherina
very
so have to marry the right person or divorce.
Candy
he may not b a v sensitive(At least he is super weak in showing it out), i think he is a highly pragmatc and functional person
12:09amSherina
that's good :) especially if it works for you. everyone needs different things from marriage and relationships :)
12:10amCandy
i saw his gd points being a husband, the
problem is, he doesnt make himself a husband
12:10amSherina
haha
so cute
you are so logical
12:11amCandy
i always think, if u are a lousy bf, and can very possibly be a gd husband, why not stop being a lousy bf and quickly go be a husband,
as soon as u've checked things out and confirmed they are fine, dun need to check, and double check so many times when such things ( like my qualities) dun change much within hours or days
12:12amSherina
he is so not confident of himself
i think you would make a great wife
12:12amCandy
there is just that much anyone outside can help him with that
12:13amSherina
he is quite blind
12:13amCandy
he agrees that i can do this and that (list the household chores that i know how to do)
after agreeing, he says " but i can do it myself"
like slap!
12:14amSherina
crazy
then why even marry?!?
DO EVERYTHING HIMSELF THEN
so selfish.
not sharing
12:18amSherina
then did you ask what he expects of a wife?!
like what does he expect?
or he doesn't want to get married?!
12:18amCandy
then i came up with this counterstatement which miracly work
quite insane
i simply said "but i need help! from u"
12:18amSherina
what's he thinking?
12:18amCandy
so surprised he didnt turn it down
i was thinking like u said, do it himself, y bother
12:19amSherina
i think he hasn't thought about marriage
in his entire life
and what it means you know?
12:20amCandy
he is just gg thru the process
and yet refusing to get t done
let me prepare myself with stuff i can use to counter him
12:20amSherina
i don't understand him.
12:20amCandy
let see...
how abt, if u see a gd thing u cannot dun take it, if u see money at your doorstep and there is no way u can trace its owner, u can leave it ther and not pick it up
thats' bad luck (must tap on his mum's superstition which shd have some deg of impact on him)
12:21amSherina
haha
you are really a good girl......
sigh.
i hope that you'll get what you want.
i think he doesnt have an objective and end product when he started this relationship
12:25amSherina
and would make a wonderful wife.
i think that's the problem.
12:26amCandy
idid and i even stated it out with him and gave him as long as he needed to get back to me
12:21amSherina
haha
you are really a good girl......
sigh.
i hope that you'll get what you want.
12:24amSherina
Candy dear.....i think i am heading off to bed.
i hope your problem will solve soon.
maybe some guys just don't want to get married?
i don't understand what he expects of a wife then.......
maybe he should think about it, and maybe he'll realize that you are wonderful
and would make a wonderful wife.
i think that's the problem.
12:26amCandy
i think he doesnt have an objective and end product when he started this relationship
idid and i even stated it out with him and gave him as long as he needed to get back to me and i think he got back to me out of sheer ego to prove to himself he is some strong guy
12:26amSherina
silly boy.
i think he should think about it and not waste your time.
he can waste his if he wants.
but it is not fair if he wastes yours and cause you so much sadness.
and the fengshui greeting thing is just silly.
i would be soooo unhappy if i were you, but it's good that you are so logical :) and calm :)
best of luck! :)
see you on face book again :)
night night Khim ;)
sleep tight and lots of sweet dreams to you ;)
bye! :)
byeeeee! :)
Candy?
got to go......me have dance lessons early morning.......bye dear ;)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Interesting article about relationship
http://www.teacherdeveloper.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=1138
I just read an article on the above link... will elaborate my reflections when i have time.
I just read an article on the above link... will elaborate my reflections when i have time.
Friday, November 28, 2008
how true...
its the people you love that get to suffer under ur mistakes. and the biggest pain is when you see the face of your loved one in the pain u created.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
horoscope reading (names changed)
My Sun Opposition His Uranus:
If the two of you depend on each other to perform tasks and meet responsibilties (such as in a business relationship), you will find that it is often difficult to coordinate your schedules or focus on practical details. You do work together well on creative and innovative projects, however, when you do get together. You are likely to pop in and out of each other's lives at unexpected times.
His Sun Opposition My Jupiter:
There is a great deal of enthusiasm and optimism in your relationship. You inspire each other to expand your horizons, explore new possibilities, and improve your financial and social situation. You have a lot of good will towards each other, and also allow each other a lot of freedom. You may, however, engage in risky speculations together that are driven more by optimism and hopefulness than by well thought out plans, and consequently fall far short of your expectations. Overall, however, this astrological influence is a positive one of good will and optimism.
His Sun Trine My Saturn:
If the two of you depend on each other to accomplish practical tasks and be responsible, mature, and dependable to each other (such as in a business relationship or employer-employee relationship), then you will find that this aspect of your relationship is excellent. You can trust each other to get the job done and focus on the essential tasks. You have good attention to detail and your are able to focus on the most important issues when you work together. There is a strong sense of mutual commitment and dedication to each other.
If the two of you depend on each other to perform tasks and meet responsibilties (such as in a business relationship), you will find that it is often difficult to coordinate your schedules or focus on practical details. You do work together well on creative and innovative projects, however, when you do get together. You are likely to pop in and out of each other's lives at unexpected times.
His Sun Opposition My Jupiter:
There is a great deal of enthusiasm and optimism in your relationship. You inspire each other to expand your horizons, explore new possibilities, and improve your financial and social situation. You have a lot of good will towards each other, and also allow each other a lot of freedom. You may, however, engage in risky speculations together that are driven more by optimism and hopefulness than by well thought out plans, and consequently fall far short of your expectations. Overall, however, this astrological influence is a positive one of good will and optimism.
His Sun Trine My Saturn:
If the two of you depend on each other to accomplish practical tasks and be responsible, mature, and dependable to each other (such as in a business relationship or employer-employee relationship), then you will find that this aspect of your relationship is excellent. You can trust each other to get the job done and focus on the essential tasks. You have good attention to detail and your are able to focus on the most important issues when you work together. There is a strong sense of mutual commitment and dedication to each other.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I am struggling
Yes, I am still undergoing a struggle of my life. I need to put order back in my life.
Dear dear is much more stabilise though he will still have bouts of insecure feeling and anxiety at times. Give him time, I am sure he will recupperate (just hope I do not crumble before he gets well).
On one hand I feel like giving my job hunt for a while (you know the hunt of the nearest-to-ideal job) and relax and re-think my options. On the other hand I do not want it to cause Dear, my family and people around me to feel helpless and stressed about my situation that they either start nagging at me to make me feel worse or they themselves get burdened by my dependency(which may sometimes be self-assumed).
I am really frustrated with my MPM boss, I feel very sorry for the students that she makes the whole system so messy. I can't take it (turning a blind eye to unfair treatment to the clients aka students), so I have decided to quit from her (and hopefully move to other franchise). Now she is coercing me to continue to take the 9-11.30am on Sunday. I want to keep that time (As promised) to Dear for morning exercise, spending time with his family, spending time with my family and doing things I myself like to do. I missed out so much of that this year, and I don't feel compensated by the minute amount of extra income I get after slogging 3/4 of a day at CCK every Sunday. *Sayang Xintian*
Today I kinda lost it and said bluntly " I don't want to take your classes anymore." I even had the rash urge (which thankfully I didn't execute) to sms her and say " I've decided to quit from you WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT". The worst is this drags, I counted: 23/11, 30/11, 7/12, 14/12, 21/12... just maximum five more sundays... I must press on!
Tomorrow I will be starting my CIDTT course. I am feeling nervous, yet Dear isn't quite there to give me moral support. He is goign to go throuh an important session with the Principal and he is quite nervous about it, I can only give him the space, and pray for his peace in mind and for things to go smoothly and not throw him more confusion. After tomorrow, I wish that everything will calm down soon.
Dear dear is much more stabilise though he will still have bouts of insecure feeling and anxiety at times. Give him time, I am sure he will recupperate (just hope I do not crumble before he gets well).
On one hand I feel like giving my job hunt for a while (you know the hunt of the nearest-to-ideal job) and relax and re-think my options. On the other hand I do not want it to cause Dear, my family and people around me to feel helpless and stressed about my situation that they either start nagging at me to make me feel worse or they themselves get burdened by my dependency(which may sometimes be self-assumed).
I am really frustrated with my MPM boss, I feel very sorry for the students that she makes the whole system so messy. I can't take it (turning a blind eye to unfair treatment to the clients aka students), so I have decided to quit from her (and hopefully move to other franchise). Now she is coercing me to continue to take the 9-11.30am on Sunday. I want to keep that time (As promised) to Dear for morning exercise, spending time with his family, spending time with my family and doing things I myself like to do. I missed out so much of that this year, and I don't feel compensated by the minute amount of extra income I get after slogging 3/4 of a day at CCK every Sunday. *Sayang Xintian*
Today I kinda lost it and said bluntly " I don't want to take your classes anymore." I even had the rash urge (which thankfully I didn't execute) to sms her and say " I've decided to quit from you WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT". The worst is this drags, I counted: 23/11, 30/11, 7/12, 14/12, 21/12... just maximum five more sundays... I must press on!
Tomorrow I will be starting my CIDTT course. I am feeling nervous, yet Dear isn't quite there to give me moral support. He is goign to go throuh an important session with the Principal and he is quite nervous about it, I can only give him the space, and pray for his peace in mind and for things to go smoothly and not throw him more confusion. After tomorrow, I wish that everything will calm down soon.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
A Serious Life
From one of Jimmy's picture books which I bought for Dear...
Translated and rephrase and reflected upon in my own opinionated words:
Not everything in life needs to be overly serious. Say you are playing hide-and-seek with your friends and you always hide yourself so well that no one can find you, eventually no one will want to play with you. There isn't any game that one will never lose.
I think we all should learn to take a bit of failure here and there with a pinch of salt and admire the growth we went through. Certain things that need not be so strict and stringent I should just let go, relax and feel at ease with the fuss-free lifestyle blessed upon me, why make myself so miserable and have to work so hard just to keep up with strict standards I set for myself? When there is no need to be too serious I should just relax and be more slack with myself.
Less stress will make me and Dear happy.
Iwill be happy for Dear's sake. =)
Translated and rephrase and reflected upon in my own opinionated words:
Not everything in life needs to be overly serious. Say you are playing hide-and-seek with your friends and you always hide yourself so well that no one can find you, eventually no one will want to play with you. There isn't any game that one will never lose.
I think we all should learn to take a bit of failure here and there with a pinch of salt and admire the growth we went through. Certain things that need not be so strict and stringent I should just let go, relax and feel at ease with the fuss-free lifestyle blessed upon me, why make myself so miserable and have to work so hard just to keep up with strict standards I set for myself? When there is no need to be too serious I should just relax and be more slack with myself.
Less stress will make me and Dear happy.
Iwill be happy for Dear's sake. =)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Now I know what it means by hearts are linked
I do not mean to put Dear down by posting his problems. I shall keep it discreet for his sake of confidentiality.
It seems like Dear is having trouble getting out of his stress mode. He shouts at all of us not to force him, I have concluded when a man says this he needs to be forced to make a decision, either his own choice or we help him decide the best and force him to use the choice. It will at least take him out of his current loop.
I have decide to give him space and time to cool down. He is really in a mess, messier than I was the last time I was in a rough patch in my life, I could remember the painful decision I had to make to drop one subject in JC. Now he must have felt worse than me. So, parents if you are reading this, sometimes it is not always a good thing your kid grew up with a smooth transition with everything. I had to deal with my first failure when I was 17, lucky to have my dad who was though disappointed that I can't make it but still tried to look supportive. Thanks Dad.
Dads are the same, Dear's daddy must have been going through a hard time and I didn't make life better for him. From Dear's mum, Uncle was actually worried for me too. I felt so touched by his family and it further convinced me tha I want to stay on with him. His sister, though not quite knowing what's going on, gave me a hug and asked (though it sads me) "Xintian, why korkor don't come out see you? I love you Xintian." and she told her dad to also "sayang xintian"... How touching can that be?
I love Dear, I love his mum, his dad, his sister, his aunts and uncles. I love his family.
It seems like Dear is having trouble getting out of his stress mode. He shouts at all of us not to force him, I have concluded when a man says this he needs to be forced to make a decision, either his own choice or we help him decide the best and force him to use the choice. It will at least take him out of his current loop.
I have decide to give him space and time to cool down. He is really in a mess, messier than I was the last time I was in a rough patch in my life, I could remember the painful decision I had to make to drop one subject in JC. Now he must have felt worse than me. So, parents if you are reading this, sometimes it is not always a good thing your kid grew up with a smooth transition with everything. I had to deal with my first failure when I was 17, lucky to have my dad who was though disappointed that I can't make it but still tried to look supportive. Thanks Dad.
Dads are the same, Dear's daddy must have been going through a hard time and I didn't make life better for him. From Dear's mum, Uncle was actually worried for me too. I felt so touched by his family and it further convinced me tha I want to stay on with him. His sister, though not quite knowing what's going on, gave me a hug and asked (though it sads me) "Xintian, why korkor don't come out see you? I love you Xintian." and she told her dad to also "sayang xintian"... How touching can that be?
I love Dear, I love his mum, his dad, his sister, his aunts and uncles. I love his family.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Relationship Problems
I am now going through a rather difficult phase of my life of making choices: job, family, boyfriend, courses to upgrade myself etc. (doesn't mean I need too much of consolation, I might feel more stressed, I really don't know)
I always complain that my boyfriend is not good enough, saying things like other guys do this and he doesn't even ge anywhere near. Now I am almost losing him, I realise my mistake: I have been too selfish, measuring him according to what I want, not what he can do.
Seriously at this point in time, I had been reflecting and feeling very stresed that I am going to lose him, I asked myself, " What was I looking for when I shortlisted him? What are some of the criteria that he matched that I choose to be with him and stayed on for nearly two years?" I began to remember what we discussed on our first few outings (won't even call those dates as we were both still deciding if we want to be together).
I recalled I stated very clearly that in this relationship that was about to start, the agenda is marriage, children, family and not quite the usual dating and have fun, experience having a boyfriend kind of relationship. I told him directly " I am not quite looking for a boyfriend who will be so charming to drive me around in posh car, go to posh restaurants, flowers, chocolates... no need for that. I want someone who can bea good husband, who loves my children (even if he loves them more than me) and allow me to be the wife who takes care of his family and be there waiting for him when he comes home from work..."
I can't really type more, I so regret that I didn't quite follow what I set out for him. I had broken the deal, forcing him to go beyond what he has accepted.
If I were to give excuses for myself, I would say that I was too immature to not recall the deal just because I was in a panic that we do not seem to be geared towards marriage which was the most crucial thing in the deal we set out. I should have been more patient. I SHOULD BE MORE PATIENT.
Now, Dear is in a very stressful state, having to juggle between O level exams, NCC CCA, his Masters studies (Assignments, tutorials, readings...), his school work and me. I am not helping much when he say he wants to do his work alone and will come back after all his work is done. I was too wilful to insist on helping him do (yes I know, some things actually cannot be done by outsiders), al with the aim of him finishing faster an hence have more time for me. Selfish of me right?
Week after week, I just can't wait so long, I jumped to my own inner conclusion that he is seeing me not important and therefore leaving me to the last, I now figured out that he was so noble to keep me out of his stress and not want to hurt me. Because of my pestering and whinning at he is not caring enough, he couldn't quite focus. Why must I always e so insistent on things?
He had a number of time wanted to break up, I told him, then I will be good to wait patiently, just ocassionally visit him and we will continue after the O levels and Masters rush. But I didn't quite stick to it. When I wanted to visit him (you know, ometimes waiting is quite unbearable). I told him everything will be fine when he is done with his work. Why didn't I perserver and wait? It's all my fault.
Yesterday I spoilt things again. I reflected harder and really figured out that I was pressing him too hard. SO I wanted to make up for it and bought him chicken essence and chocolates. I wanted to leave it at the door since it was promised that we won't meet. His father saw me and invited me in. I made the choice of being nice since I always throw a din that if Dear isn't nice I refuse to enter his house. I went in and his dad woke him up. He was very angry and wanted to call the deal off. I was so upset with myself for making such a choice. I only wanted to make myself feel better by looking like I can be of help. In the end I made things worse for myself.
I had never seen Dear in such a sorry state before---totally blank mind, totally agitated and can't work properly. I pains me to see him like that and I felt like it was almost a consequent of my naive behaviour of making him chase after me ime and again just because of my tantrum.
I really wish he would give me a chance, just one last one. And I must tell myself to wait patiently. So if my friends reading this as some stuffs to do, please take me along if you can before I get too "free" and start sms-ing and calling him and spoiling things again. I just need to hang on for one week. (O levels ends on thursday, but it might be good to give him a few more days to really relax and cool off first)
Just one more week! Let's hope for the best.
I always complain that my boyfriend is not good enough, saying things like other guys do this and he doesn't even ge anywhere near. Now I am almost losing him, I realise my mistake: I have been too selfish, measuring him according to what I want, not what he can do.
Seriously at this point in time, I had been reflecting and feeling very stresed that I am going to lose him, I asked myself, " What was I looking for when I shortlisted him? What are some of the criteria that he matched that I choose to be with him and stayed on for nearly two years?" I began to remember what we discussed on our first few outings (won't even call those dates as we were both still deciding if we want to be together).
I recalled I stated very clearly that in this relationship that was about to start, the agenda is marriage, children, family and not quite the usual dating and have fun, experience having a boyfriend kind of relationship. I told him directly " I am not quite looking for a boyfriend who will be so charming to drive me around in posh car, go to posh restaurants, flowers, chocolates... no need for that. I want someone who can bea good husband, who loves my children (even if he loves them more than me) and allow me to be the wife who takes care of his family and be there waiting for him when he comes home from work..."
I can't really type more, I so regret that I didn't quite follow what I set out for him. I had broken the deal, forcing him to go beyond what he has accepted.
If I were to give excuses for myself, I would say that I was too immature to not recall the deal just because I was in a panic that we do not seem to be geared towards marriage which was the most crucial thing in the deal we set out. I should have been more patient. I SHOULD BE MORE PATIENT.
Now, Dear is in a very stressful state, having to juggle between O level exams, NCC CCA, his Masters studies (Assignments, tutorials, readings...), his school work and me. I am not helping much when he say he wants to do his work alone and will come back after all his work is done. I was too wilful to insist on helping him do (yes I know, some things actually cannot be done by outsiders), al with the aim of him finishing faster an hence have more time for me. Selfish of me right?
Week after week, I just can't wait so long, I jumped to my own inner conclusion that he is seeing me not important and therefore leaving me to the last, I now figured out that he was so noble to keep me out of his stress and not want to hurt me. Because of my pestering and whinning at he is not caring enough, he couldn't quite focus. Why must I always e so insistent on things?
He had a number of time wanted to break up, I told him, then I will be good to wait patiently, just ocassionally visit him and we will continue after the O levels and Masters rush. But I didn't quite stick to it. When I wanted to visit him (you know, ometimes waiting is quite unbearable). I told him everything will be fine when he is done with his work. Why didn't I perserver and wait? It's all my fault.
Yesterday I spoilt things again. I reflected harder and really figured out that I was pressing him too hard. SO I wanted to make up for it and bought him chicken essence and chocolates. I wanted to leave it at the door since it was promised that we won't meet. His father saw me and invited me in. I made the choice of being nice since I always throw a din that if Dear isn't nice I refuse to enter his house. I went in and his dad woke him up. He was very angry and wanted to call the deal off. I was so upset with myself for making such a choice. I only wanted to make myself feel better by looking like I can be of help. In the end I made things worse for myself.
I had never seen Dear in such a sorry state before---totally blank mind, totally agitated and can't work properly. I pains me to see him like that and I felt like it was almost a consequent of my naive behaviour of making him chase after me ime and again just because of my tantrum.
I really wish he would give me a chance, just one last one. And I must tell myself to wait patiently. So if my friends reading this as some stuffs to do, please take me along if you can before I get too "free" and start sms-ing and calling him and spoiling things again. I just need to hang on for one week. (O levels ends on thursday, but it might be good to give him a few more days to really relax and cool off first)
Just one more week! Let's hope for the best.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Proceed with life
Spent the whole morning talking to friends on the phone... thanks to those who picked up and talked to me...
Summary of what they said:
Doing a course in anything is good, it is a form of upgrade, better still if it gets you to where you want to be.
You must know where and exactly what you want for yourself, not being selfish, but you should consider you own desires and achievements you want to attain first, work towards that and people will see you in a different light.
You should be less needy, get a variety of company for a variety of purpose and activities, in short, get a life of your own.
I have decided to pursue the Cambridge International Diploma for Teachers and Trainers, under the GIG education centre. Anyone sees this and thinks it's a scam do alert me.
Summary of what they said:
Doing a course in anything is good, it is a form of upgrade, better still if it gets you to where you want to be.
You must know where and exactly what you want for yourself, not being selfish, but you should consider you own desires and achievements you want to attain first, work towards that and people will see you in a different light.
You should be less needy, get a variety of company for a variety of purpose and activities, in short, get a life of your own.
I have decided to pursue the Cambridge International Diploma for Teachers and Trainers, under the GIG education centre. Anyone sees this and thinks it's a scam do alert me.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Zither vs Yangqin
I was so happy to have purchased my very own zither in this SOLO trip. It costed me 800,000IDR which is less than 130SGD.
Learning to play this sweet little thing makes me happy. I used to think I can never make any obvious link with gamelan and yangqin. But hey! during the learning and practising process, I realised the very strange similarity: both the siter(as spelt in Indonesia, like you sit on it) and yangqin requires coordination of left and right hands and nothing much more. I mean, it isn't quite like the piano where you need to use all 10 fingers in some ocassions. The hardest part for me was that both hands are positioned differently and different actions are used for playing and damping, resulting in more than 4 possible manouvres. But I was glad I am slowly getting used to it and loving the sweet tingly sound it produces.
When I was playing the siter, I have the picture of myself on a rope swing. I don't really know why this happens. The rope swing is carefully cushioned with dusty(I don't mean the powderish dirt) pink satin to make it more comfortable. The swing moves gently back and forth, and somehow I have to keep playing, passing the melody from hand to hand and sometimes each hand being the suport for the other, all for the sake of keeping the clockwork momentum going and not stop.
Learning to play this sweet little thing makes me happy. I used to think I can never make any obvious link with gamelan and yangqin. But hey! during the learning and practising process, I realised the very strange similarity: both the siter(as spelt in Indonesia, like you sit on it) and yangqin requires coordination of left and right hands and nothing much more. I mean, it isn't quite like the piano where you need to use all 10 fingers in some ocassions. The hardest part for me was that both hands are positioned differently and different actions are used for playing and damping, resulting in more than 4 possible manouvres. But I was glad I am slowly getting used to it and loving the sweet tingly sound it produces.
When I was playing the siter, I have the picture of myself on a rope swing. I don't really know why this happens. The rope swing is carefully cushioned with dusty(I don't mean the powderish dirt) pink satin to make it more comfortable. The swing moves gently back and forth, and somehow I have to keep playing, passing the melody from hand to hand and sometimes each hand being the suport for the other, all for the sake of keeping the clockwork momentum going and not stop.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
A holiday break, a fresh new start.
Life hasn't been good in terms of work. I need to seek employment elsewhere. I need to consider many many factors such as
1) so I want to stay in the same line?
2) am I still happy with the policy and pay and the system that things work?
3) what do I want from my career and what are the impact of these 'wants' on other parts of my life?
many many more...
I am now not going to think, and I will try my best to totally enjoy myself in SOLO city (aka Surakarta) and then start planning and making job applications for next year in November.
So friends who are going to SOLO with me, if you read this, try not to discuss about job, just make sure we have great fun there. There is a time for everything, when it's time to play, I'd rather not be bothered by other stressors in life.
Thank God that there isn't winter in Singapore to make the gloomy feelings worse.
1) so I want to stay in the same line?
2) am I still happy with the policy and pay and the system that things work?
3) what do I want from my career and what are the impact of these 'wants' on other parts of my life?
many many more...
I am now not going to think, and I will try my best to totally enjoy myself in SOLO city (aka Surakarta) and then start planning and making job applications for next year in November.
So friends who are going to SOLO with me, if you read this, try not to discuss about job, just make sure we have great fun there. There is a time for everything, when it's time to play, I'd rather not be bothered by other stressors in life.
Thank God that there isn't winter in Singapore to make the gloomy feelings worse.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Rival
This is so much of a coincidence, Dear dear met his Rival who stays just next to our school while we were walking back from lunch.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Term 4 Madness
Term 4 is madness, rushing, revising, basically (attempting to) doing what is supposed to be spread out in a year in 3-4 weeks!
SO many things to tackle, 3 CO concerts, SOLO trip ticketing, settle my money and passport for the trip, planing december trip (Dear basically dumped the duty of finding good deal on me), revising and finishing syllabus with the students, tuition, music lessons....
Today I have taken a day off, to sort things out away from the noise (not just from the students) in school. Yes doing work unpaid at home. To settle payment for the SOLO trip and to collect my ebay bid (and pay the seller money cos I have no card).
I bidded for two Me-to-You bears at S$10 each. Cool!~ I am looking forward to collecting them. Dear dear always hesitqate about buying it for me in the shop cos it is too expensive, so I have decided to buy myself my own present... Isn't it so lousy to be his girlfriend? The only few good things I can think of are he doesnt smoke, he drives, he can be bullied in various way, his responses are quite slow in that he can't multi-task too much(meaning no time to look for other girls)...
The girl he used to admire in JC is organising a chalet this sat, just in time for his ending of reservist. I really don't like it when he attends functions that involves her, especially when it is organised by her. Even though he says it is over, but I can't be sure about her. I don't really like being in her presence and feeling jealous of the nice things he does for her (like buying her birthday cake, and I didn't even get a sweet for mine, saying that it is a group effort and he is tasked that year to buy her birthday cake). On the other hand, I don't feel safe if I let him go alone to the function and he refuses to just go a while and we go off somewhere else.
SO many things to tackle, 3 CO concerts, SOLO trip ticketing, settle my money and passport for the trip, planing december trip (Dear basically dumped the duty of finding good deal on me), revising and finishing syllabus with the students, tuition, music lessons....
Today I have taken a day off, to sort things out away from the noise (not just from the students) in school. Yes doing work unpaid at home. To settle payment for the SOLO trip and to collect my ebay bid (and pay the seller money cos I have no card).
I bidded for two Me-to-You bears at S$10 each. Cool!~ I am looking forward to collecting them. Dear dear always hesitqate about buying it for me in the shop cos it is too expensive, so I have decided to buy myself my own present... Isn't it so lousy to be his girlfriend? The only few good things I can think of are he doesnt smoke, he drives, he can be bullied in various way, his responses are quite slow in that he can't multi-task too much(meaning no time to look for other girls)...
The girl he used to admire in JC is organising a chalet this sat, just in time for his ending of reservist. I really don't like it when he attends functions that involves her, especially when it is organised by her. Even though he says it is over, but I can't be sure about her. I don't really like being in her presence and feeling jealous of the nice things he does for her (like buying her birthday cake, and I didn't even get a sweet for mine, saying that it is a group effort and he is tasked that year to buy her birthday cake). On the other hand, I don't feel safe if I let him go alone to the function and he refuses to just go a while and we go off somewhere else.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Another trip to SOLO city
Singa Nglaras is going to Solo city again. Finally after lots of struggle with sponsorship and discounts (which we failed to get), we have finalised and splited into two contingent. One group will got via KL and take Air Asia to Solo on Friday and the rest of us will take the Silkair flight to Solo directly on Saturday.
For me, I do not have any cards to make booking and payment for online budget airlines and hence being lazy ( the differecne in price isn't that much anyway) chosen to follow the crowd taking silkair.
It's a good time to start planning what I want to buy and start changing my money to USD efore it strengthen too much.
For me, I do not have any cards to make booking and payment for online budget airlines and hence being lazy ( the differecne in price isn't that much anyway) chosen to follow the crowd taking silkair.
It's a good time to start planning what I want to buy and start changing my money to USD efore it strengthen too much.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Rain rain rain...
This is the time of the year that rainfall is rather high, usually ocurring in the afternoons just when you are about to leave for lunch.
I kind of like the cool temperature but definitely not the wetness of it. I do not like to carry an ugly umbrella and walk along the street, even if I do make the effort to carry one in my bag.
"Glam" (for glamourous) is the 'in' word when it comes to the end of the year. Everything I do, wear, carry have association with me should at least make me feel good, not to say elevate me to another level of pride and confidence.
I really envy teenagers who use Samsonite (yes, just that, and not even some super luxurious Coach bag) pencil case, Braun Buffel wallets... sorry, I am in a tai-tai-ish mood.
Khim feels like shopping (cheap shopping)!!!!!
I kind of like the cool temperature but definitely not the wetness of it. I do not like to carry an ugly umbrella and walk along the street, even if I do make the effort to carry one in my bag.
"Glam" (for glamourous) is the 'in' word when it comes to the end of the year. Everything I do, wear, carry have association with me should at least make me feel good, not to say elevate me to another level of pride and confidence.
I really envy teenagers who use Samsonite (yes, just that, and not even some super luxurious Coach bag) pencil case, Braun Buffel wallets... sorry, I am in a tai-tai-ish mood.
Khim feels like shopping (cheap shopping)!!!!!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Performances
August usually mark my busiest time of the year with loads of gigs and concerts and performances... Nope, I am not a getai singer though this is the SEASON.
Just finished a chamber concert yesterday night, playing two quintet pieces, a duet and a ensemble repertoire. I would say given the short amount of time for practice, the concert was quite well done: a lot of effort put in and evidence that musicians are disciplined beings and know how to juggle time and when to prioritise what.
Next up, I will be performing something different: Gamelan with the NUS Singanglaras Gamelan Ensemble. We will be performing two opening pieces and also providing full musical accopaniment for a very interesting wayang--- fusion of both traditional wayang kulit and wayang orang and dance. It's going to be fun. Do come and support!~
Gamelan Performance @ Malay Village
16th August 2008, saturday
Malay Village
7 pm onwards
Free Admission.
After the Wayang, I will be putting up another concert with the SYCO in the Beautiful Sunday Series by the Esplanade.
Chinese Orchestra Performance
14th September 2008, sunday
Esplanade Concert Hall
3pm
Free Admission.
Just finished a chamber concert yesterday night, playing two quintet pieces, a duet and a ensemble repertoire. I would say given the short amount of time for practice, the concert was quite well done: a lot of effort put in and evidence that musicians are disciplined beings and know how to juggle time and when to prioritise what.
Next up, I will be performing something different: Gamelan with the NUS Singanglaras Gamelan Ensemble. We will be performing two opening pieces and also providing full musical accopaniment for a very interesting wayang--- fusion of both traditional wayang kulit and wayang orang and dance. It's going to be fun. Do come and support!~
Gamelan Performance @ Malay Village
16th August 2008, saturday
Malay Village
7 pm onwards
Free Admission.
After the Wayang, I will be putting up another concert with the SYCO in the Beautiful Sunday Series by the Esplanade.
Chinese Orchestra Performance
14th September 2008, sunday
Esplanade Concert Hall
3pm
Free Admission.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Personaility Tests
You are a complex lady. You are ruled by the planet Venus that makes you knowledgeable instinctively in the art of seduction. You love beautiful objects and adornments and will welcome any quality gifts that your lover buys for you. You always know exactly what you want and you will become quite stubborn if you don't get it. As long as your man stays on your good side and treats you with tender loving care you will be affectionate and willing to give him whatever he wants. You are eager to learn about life and the man that can teach you the ins and outs will win your heart. You look for a lover who is sincere, appreciative and knowledgeable about getting the best quality for the best price. If your chosen partner lives up to your standards you will be a loyal, loving and excellent bed mate.
Your lover must approach you properly in order to win your heart. You love good cooking and fine wine. The way to your heart is definitely through your stomach. You are turned off by individuals who exaggerate or color the truth. You like to be admired and will respond if your lover is encouraging.
Your lover must approach you properly in order to win your heart. You love good cooking and fine wine. The way to your heart is definitely through your stomach. You are turned off by individuals who exaggerate or color the truth. You like to be admired and will respond if your lover is encouraging.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
I love you, you love me
I love DEAR and DEAR loves me. =)
I am going to claim my taxi fares from him, on a monthly basis. Yeah!~ (I've collected ALL the receipts)
I am going to claim my taxi fares from him, on a monthly basis. Yeah!~ (I've collected ALL the receipts)
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Leopard doesn't change its spots
Leopards don't change their spots,
Zebras don't change their stripes.
Nature made them that way,
so it's best to leave them that way.
(Can you imagine a striped leopard or a spotted leopard?)
The ogre in wayang is always the BIG guy with lots of (redundant) actions and noise,
while the noble 'good guys' seldom even lift a finger or say much.
Zebras don't change their stripes.
Nature made them that way,
so it's best to leave them that way.
(Can you imagine a striped leopard or a spotted leopard?)
The ogre in wayang is always the BIG guy with lots of (redundant) actions and noise,
while the noble 'good guys' seldom even lift a finger or say much.
Friday, July 4, 2008
sum si oaix ner
zui jin man dao mei de
bu zhi shi cai dao gou shi hai shi yu jian xiao ren
you ren ba kuai le jian li zai wo de tong ku shang
er qie shi ming yu shou sun na zhong
shui rang wo jin nian fan tai sui
wo kan wo shi you de shou de le
bu zhi shi cai dao gou shi hai shi yu jian xiao ren
you ren ba kuai le jian li zai wo de tong ku shang
er qie shi ming yu shou sun na zhong
shui rang wo jin nian fan tai sui
wo kan wo shi you de shou de le
Last weekend was good...
After some long time of arguments and near break-up, Dear dear and I have gone back to normal since school has started. Saturday was well spent at Plaza Singapura, shopping for each other’s things (not really, he bought stuffs, but I can’t find things to buy).
Anyway, little cuddles, and pecks are always welcomed. I especially felt loved the instant he grabbed my waist gently when I returned from the toilet, almost like saying he missed me while I was in the washroom.
Now I realised I can be rewarding by doing random unplanned things that doesn’t really have a purpose, for example like this just sauntering around the malls with him and getting nothing done for the whole afternoon.
Anyway, little cuddles, and pecks are always welcomed. I especially felt loved the instant he grabbed my waist gently when I returned from the toilet, almost like saying he missed me while I was in the washroom.
Now I realised I can be rewarding by doing random unplanned things that doesn’t really have a purpose, for example like this just sauntering around the malls with him and getting nothing done for the whole afternoon.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Family
From the japanese movie, 14 sai no haha.
"Are you jealous?
It's okay to say you're jealous if you'r jealous.
Because it is true that your child will be born without a Papa.
If you aren't honest, you won't last long.
I am jealous! Very jealous...
I'm so jealous I'd cry!
I want to make a family like that too!
I want everyone to celebrate for me!~
I want him to be delighted!"
"Are you jealous?
It's okay to say you're jealous if you'r jealous.
Because it is true that your child will be born without a Papa.
If you aren't honest, you won't last long.
I am jealous! Very jealous...
I'm so jealous I'd cry!
I want to make a family like that too!
I want everyone to celebrate for me!~
I want him to be delighted!"
Friday, June 27, 2008
100th post
I was tryingto save my 100th post for something nice, but bad things just have to pop up. The next few paragraphs are comments to Mus's blog which I don't htink he wil approve but as my character, I would like to clarify to my friends.
"Don't complain, disclaimer, I wasn't the one who organise it, Alan was, and refused to take comments, so just let him be embarrassed.
Anyways, I did ask what you all would like to bring and I wil bring the rest, since everyone is as usual very enthu, I was very glad I saved some money.
The bbq was changed from my 4pm by the group to 5.30 so I aimed to reach at 5.20 which we did but were waiting for a parking lot. Don't make it sound like we didn't do much.
Anyway, I just thought we always potluck for other bbq, no one would be too upset about bring some stuffs to share and since you and thomas are good are bread and vegetables which everyone likes, isn't it a good idea to bring what we are good at making and together as a group make the BBQ a very good one.
I did bring a mixer like powdered version of syrup but it didn't work cause the dispenser didn't come. Sorry to all on behalf of that."
"Don't complain, disclaimer, I wasn't the one who organise it, Alan was, and refused to take comments, so just let him be embarrassed.
Anyways, I did ask what you all would like to bring and I wil bring the rest, since everyone is as usual very enthu, I was very glad I saved some money.
The bbq was changed from my 4pm by the group to 5.30 so I aimed to reach at 5.20 which we did but were waiting for a parking lot. Don't make it sound like we didn't do much.
Anyway, I just thought we always potluck for other bbq, no one would be too upset about bring some stuffs to share and since you and thomas are good are bread and vegetables which everyone likes, isn't it a good idea to bring what we are good at making and together as a group make the BBQ a very good one.
I did bring a mixer like powdered version of syrup but it didn't work cause the dispenser didn't come. Sorry to all on behalf of that."
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Back to school in 3 days
School is going to re-open (not that it has even been closed) in 3 days time, on Monday 23 June.
I kinda missed most of the holiday wih quarreling with BF, being sick and stuck at home and being busy with SYCO concert.
Oh well, at least after fighting, BF and I are still good for now.
On sat will be bbq, anyone feel free to join us.
I kinda missed most of the holiday wih quarreling with BF, being sick and stuck at home and being busy with SYCO concert.
Oh well, at least after fighting, BF and I are still good for now.
On sat will be bbq, anyone feel free to join us.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Dear Hung up on me
Dear hung up on me again... petty man! He sms in the morning asking if I wanna have dinner (hey yesterday he volunteered to come over and bring me lunch cos I am a sick patient), I didn't reply him.
Instead I decided to call, and after 2 hours of continuous calling I managed to reach him, and guess what I got from him? He said I was being noisy (as in make a din) and he say we shd hung up. Then my HP died of no battery (of cos lah, 2 hours trying to reach him) then I called back, he rejected the call after 3 rings(yes, I counted) and he switched off the phone.
This is not the first time he hung and switched off his phone on me. I think it is already not polite not returning (either sms or call back) missed calls, somemore so many and so long later then he just sms " sorry at pc show", asked him why he didnt picked up, instead of appologising he said " it's so noisy here, (here comes the angry part:) anyway I was watching movie and until now then I am free!" This just shows where he places me. How can I depend on such a man (or jerk) for the rest of my life, shd there be an emergency, will he get back to me in time before I die? (I mean, this sounds funny and extreme but if you think of it, if you were married, your next-of-kin is ur husband, u call him and he doesnt respond, u'd prolly call others in line, maybe all busy, then u'll just die while he's having fun with his mates--- an activity considered much more important than your life.
Instead I decided to call, and after 2 hours of continuous calling I managed to reach him, and guess what I got from him? He said I was being noisy (as in make a din) and he say we shd hung up. Then my HP died of no battery (of cos lah, 2 hours trying to reach him) then I called back, he rejected the call after 3 rings(yes, I counted) and he switched off the phone.
This is not the first time he hung and switched off his phone on me. I think it is already not polite not returning (either sms or call back) missed calls, somemore so many and so long later then he just sms " sorry at pc show", asked him why he didnt picked up, instead of appologising he said " it's so noisy here, (here comes the angry part:) anyway I was watching movie and until now then I am free!" This just shows where he places me. How can I depend on such a man (or jerk) for the rest of my life, shd there be an emergency, will he get back to me in time before I die? (I mean, this sounds funny and extreme but if you think of it, if you were married, your next-of-kin is ur husband, u call him and he doesnt respond, u'd prolly call others in line, maybe all busy, then u'll just die while he's having fun with his mates--- an activity considered much more important than your life.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Magic Pen game that tests your physics proficiency
http://www.maxgames.com/game/magic-pen.html
this game got me hooked for hours and days
this game got me hooked for hours and days
Voiceless Day 2
Day two without my voice: this is getting boring, can’t speak, appearing rude and hostile… ok, I can’t even pick up the phone… no, I am not handicapped, but what’s the point if you pick up the phone but can’t even say “HELLO”?
Sigh... I am getting depressed already. I am signing things and keeping things simple. I am sure people who find me naggy and irritating are loving the new voiceless me…
Tried all sorts of things people have described: salt water gargle and drink down a sip of it to “kill the germs”, tea, ginger water, warm water, honey… They do work and my throat is less painful but still nonetheless dry… I seem to be able to croak a croak if I try hard enough…
Sigh... I am getting depressed already. I am signing things and keeping things simple. I am sure people who find me naggy and irritating are loving the new voiceless me…
Tried all sorts of things people have described: salt water gargle and drink down a sip of it to “kill the germs”, tea, ginger water, warm water, honey… They do work and my throat is less painful but still nonetheless dry… I seem to be able to croak a croak if I try hard enough…
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Voice-less day
Today I woke up with totally no voice at all, a swollen throat (I mean the inside) and very grossly thick mucus that refuses to come out (forcing it out adds on to the pain in the already swollen interior of the throat).
Didn't go for class (to teach), can't get to sleep, no voice only, I seem to be trying to sleep so that I need not talk to anyone in the house. So I resorted to coming online. Play online games, watch youtue, loads of nonsense and it is still only 4-ish!!!! Argh!!!!
But wait, it is already 4-ish and my voice isn't near coming back, what should I do tomorrow? How do I cancel a class if the other party don't have a handphone for sms-ing (children, parent overseas can't reach) and I don't have a voice?
Sigh... Voice, come back!
Didn't go for class (to teach), can't get to sleep, no voice only, I seem to be trying to sleep so that I need not talk to anyone in the house. So I resorted to coming online. Play online games, watch youtue, loads of nonsense and it is still only 4-ish!!!! Argh!!!!
But wait, it is already 4-ish and my voice isn't near coming back, what should I do tomorrow? How do I cancel a class if the other party don't have a handphone for sms-ing (children, parent overseas can't reach) and I don't have a voice?
Sigh... Voice, come back!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Dear's cooking
Today Dear is going to cook dinner for me at his house. According to his SMS, he is goign to make egg noodles with sausages, prawns and cabbage. I am so looking forward to it, might blog about it from his computer later...
(reserve this space for pictures of his "masterpiece")
After lunch, we will be watching movie at 3.30pm at westmall and I should try to remember to buy a little present for my SYCO mortal. (shh... not telling you who, but it is quite a challenge to get something appropraite)
It is now the end of the 2nd week of holidays and I haven't got much done. Perhaps I should take the first 3 days of next week while Dear is at NCC school camp to
1. Prepare some work for my students in school
2. Prepare some work for my tuition students
3. Clear out some of the drawers and cupboards (I said "SOME", let's not be too ambitious)
4. Make plans for the rest of holidays =)
(reserve this space for pictures of his "masterpiece")
After lunch, we will be watching movie at 3.30pm at westmall and I should try to remember to buy a little present for my SYCO mortal. (shh... not telling you who, but it is quite a challenge to get something appropraite)
It is now the end of the 2nd week of holidays and I haven't got much done. Perhaps I should take the first 3 days of next week while Dear is at NCC school camp to
1. Prepare some work for my students in school
2. Prepare some work for my tuition students
3. Clear out some of the drawers and cupboards (I said "SOME", let's not be too ambitious)
4. Make plans for the rest of holidays =)
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
SYCO concert!
This weekend is the Singapore Youth Chinese Orchestra (SYCO) Concert! Thus this week is super packed--- everyday from 7 to 9.30pm we have orchestral combined practices Monday to Friday with the cumulating annual concert on Saturday. I will be playing 4 of the 5 songs as 3 of us have to rotate among the 2 instruments.
Tickets are available from sistic. Please spread the word around and do come and support!
Forwarded info about the oncert: (or go to www.sco.com.sg)
Singapore Youth Chinese Orchestra Annual Concert 2008
The Symphony of SYCO
7 Jun (Sat), 8pm
Singapore Chinese Orchestra Concert Hall
Tsung Yeh Conductor
Yao Shen Shen Conductor
Yvonne Tay Guzheng soloist
Chang Le Suona soloist
The General´s Command Gu Guan Ren
In Search of the Roots of the Ancient Pagoda Tree Zhao
Ji Ping
Bumper Harvest Worship Kuan Nai-chung
Gada Meilin Symphonic Poem Liu Wen Jin
Tickets are available from sistic. Please spread the word around and do come and support!
Forwarded info about the oncert: (or go to www.sco.com.sg)
Singapore Youth Chinese Orchestra Annual Concert 2008
The Symphony of SYCO
7 Jun (Sat), 8pm
Singapore Chinese Orchestra Concert Hall
Tsung Yeh Conductor
Yao Shen Shen Conductor
Yvonne Tay Guzheng soloist
Chang Le Suona soloist
The General´s Command Gu Guan Ren
In Search of the Roots of the Ancient Pagoda Tree Zhao
Ji Ping
Bumper Harvest Worship Kuan Nai-chung
Gada Meilin Symphonic Poem Liu Wen Jin
Friday, May 30, 2008
Blogthings
You Are 60% Weird
You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!
You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!
Another day out
Today went out for lunch with Dear dear, so funny lah, we can't decide where to go, just drive and drive, wanted to go to Tiong Bahru, halfway driving Dear was too tired, decided we should go Holland Village. Holland Village nowhere to park, decided to go to this Rideout Macs along Farrer Road and Queensway.. If you know where I am talking about, this park like place in the middle of nowhere and you'll be like eating in a park... Anyway, we ended up driving in the wrong direction and ended up eating at Serene Centre, which is now packed with St Margaret's Ladies.
After lunch we rackied the place (like there is anything much to see) and then went off. Can't decide where to go again so ended up at Jurong East Library's Cafe after much driving around almost near town. The Avocado Flow is superb, light yet nice. Then Dear went off for his first class of his upgrading studies. I continued shopping and ended up buying three pieces of clothes. Guess how much I spent?
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Only $15!!! It was those everythign $5 This Fashion/ Alano/ Coax sale thing in the atrium. quite pleased with my buys hopefully they fit. Will post the pictures when I try them and taken pictures. I bought a little jacket, those short short kind, one spaghetti flora print cotton dress and a glossy silver dress.
Happy happy! =)
After lunch we rackied the place (like there is anything much to see) and then went off. Can't decide where to go again so ended up at Jurong East Library's Cafe after much driving around almost near town. The Avocado Flow is superb, light yet nice. Then Dear went off for his first class of his upgrading studies. I continued shopping and ended up buying three pieces of clothes. Guess how much I spent?
.
.
.
.
.
Only $15!!! It was those everythign $5 This Fashion/ Alano/ Coax sale thing in the atrium. quite pleased with my buys hopefully they fit. Will post the pictures when I try them and taken pictures. I bought a little jacket, those short short kind, one spaghetti flora print cotton dress and a glossy silver dress.
Happy happy! =)
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Shop shop and shop
Yesterday went to mustafa and shop with Eileen and Mus, Dear decided to detach and shop on his own.
I bought these:
bling bling ponytail hair clip @S$6.00
indian style bangle @ S$2.50
another set of indian style bangle @ S$3.00
I love the children's (because of the suitability of size) punjabi suit, cheap and nice.
Also bought a big box of incense for my dad, white musk "flavour"/"fragrance".
Today after tuition at Dairy Farm, feeling bored I decided to shop in town. At first didn't buy anything at all, feeling a bit grumpy that I am so lousy at spending money despite Dear dear giving me a "blue bird" to spend for the week. In the end bought these:
Cutie/ Mickey Mouse kint top from hang ten @ S$15
Cotton dress from Robinsons @ S$19
Another dress from This Fashion @ S$12
I bought these:
bling bling ponytail hair clip @S$6.00
indian style bangle @ S$2.50
another set of indian style bangle @ S$3.00
I love the children's (because of the suitability of size) punjabi suit, cheap and nice.
Also bought a big box of incense for my dad, white musk "flavour"/"fragrance".
Today after tuition at Dairy Farm, feeling bored I decided to shop in town. At first didn't buy anything at all, feeling a bit grumpy that I am so lousy at spending money despite Dear dear giving me a "blue bird" to spend for the week. In the end bought these:
Cutie/ Mickey Mouse kint top from hang ten @ S$15
Cotton dress from Robinsons @ S$19
Another dress from This Fashion @ S$12
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Holidays are Here!
The June holidays are here and I am working hard to maintain my income (relief teachers don't get paid during the holidays). Other than that I am hanging out with friends more because we can accommodate each others' schedule with better ease.
Tonight I am meeting Eileen and Mus and Koong for Indian fod. Then we are going to Mustafa to shop. I am eye-ing the bangles and accesories, might even buy a set of indian clothes or two. Oh well, hope it is fun.
Tonight I am meeting Eileen and Mus and Koong for Indian fod. Then we are going to Mustafa to shop. I am eye-ing the bangles and accesories, might even buy a set of indian clothes or two. Oh well, hope it is fun.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
New shoes and new nail polish
Yesterday had another quarrel with Dear because he was habitually late. My point is that he shouldn't have arranged to meet when he can't make it and end up have to extend/postpone the meeting time 10 by 10 minutes. Let me stress this: asking someone to wait 30 minutes in a shopping mall is not as bad as calling/sms-ing 3 times of "please wait another 10 minutes". In case some people still don't get it, here's how it works: if I know I were to wait 30 minutes (and that he doesn't fully stick to it, meaning I will have about 40 minutes in a block) I would have shopped around; but not knowing how many bloks of 10 minutes he will be late, I will probably want to save him the trouble of figuring out where I am, and I will just be nice to stand in one spot and wait for him (unappreciatively) to appear... And he actually took me to a restaurant, ordered hot tea for both of us, and I was ranting about feeling moody about his being late, and he just walked off, telling me to eat by myself, without paying for the tea! So I sms-ed him to come back, that I have no money and he is ungentlemanly to leave me stuck to "Wash dishes" for HIS drink, he did return after 30 minutes (see, wasted so much time in a day)... Ok, just my grouses! NEXT!~
After that I went to IMM (late) to meet up with Kat and Yat for shopping and dinner before Gamelan. Kat bought quite a lot of tidbits at Daiso. I bought myself a new pair of MONDO shoes at only S$9.90. They are blue in colour, much like turquiose, and I felt like buying something else to match it since that is not too common a colour. Wanted to buy some funky colour dress, but nothing cheap enough for me to slurge and just fun to have kind of price, so I kind of feel like buying turquiose nail polish.
Walked past The Face Shop... HEY! Sale! $2.90 each, choose choose try try, Kat applied to show me those I feel like testing as I have my dropping off pink colour on, then I decided to clean off my own and try on my own hands. After many trials and testing, thinking and considering, I bought two colour: a dark pink and a metallic maroon. Almost wanted to paint the maroon (which is outrageous for me who always wears pinkish or transparent) to school, but figured out it might be too "dangerous" since there is meeting today and I'll b in school quite long.
(Four of the colours that I tried)
(I just did this as I typed this entry, not too bad I hope, unless someone volunteers to do manicure for free... I am going to train Dear to do it for me during the holidays)
After all the shopping, the three musketeers went to makan at Secret Recipe. After skipping lunch and feeling happy about shopping, food tastes quite nice, especially the cakes. During dessert, I received a call for gig, quite cheap and I kind of regretted taking it up since no incentive for a huge instrument (yangqin) like mine, needing to foot extra cost to get transport. Just in case people are interested (hopefully I am not revealing confidential info as some musicians like to claim), it's S$60 for a 30 min slot. There are times I get S$250 for 20 min plus transport claim and bonus in a angbao. Those were the good times...
Then it's Gamelan plink plonking.
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Wish List for Dear (or any lovingly nice friend) to fulfill:
1. Seashell bracelet
2. Chomel necklace (the $16 one with butterfly flat paper-cut like pendant I saw when I went shopping with Eileen the week Dear ignore me)
3. A camera better than my dimage Z1 3.2 mega pixels
4. A handphone (haven't decide which model but preferably one with 5 mega pixel camera and MP3)
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Thomas Manhart
This is my prof, Dr Thomas Manhart, he says students always put photos of him, those that he is ugly in, looking like vacuum cleaners. Now I am gonna be a goody-two-shoes, post a sweet nice photo of him.Isn't he charming?
New deployment
I was just informed by HOD in the morning that my deployment for next two terms will be totally changed, and it will include Normal Tech classes. Wow! She haven't really decided exactly what, but will finalise it by today. *fingers crossed* i shall remember my mother's words, "if you can conquer the worst, you can conquer anything that comes along!"
The holidays are coming, which means I will be out of job, out of money and yet still going to the Singapore sale to shop! Haha. Dear agreed to buy me a phone (dunno if it's NATO, say-say-only again) and said he will consider about giving me money (like $50) to spend every weekend that he screws up and not able to meet.
I want to change my tuition routine and my source of income, for the better of course so I am now on the lookout for good deals.
Today and Thursday are the last two days I get work for this term all the way until the end of June holidays. I should go practise hard on my instrument and make the June concert a success!
And Dear has not done a lot of things, including the meet-the-parent arrangement which he has promised to set into action since last Mid-autumn (which is las september, 8 months already still no news) Slow is just SLOW, what to do? just keep on watering the seed and wait--- like the heineken ad, set up a beer booth in the middle of nowhere and wait...
The holidays are coming, which means I will be out of job, out of money and yet still going to the Singapore sale to shop! Haha. Dear agreed to buy me a phone (dunno if it's NATO, say-say-only again) and said he will consider about giving me money (like $50) to spend every weekend that he screws up and not able to meet.
I want to change my tuition routine and my source of income, for the better of course so I am now on the lookout for good deals.
Today and Thursday are the last two days I get work for this term all the way until the end of June holidays. I should go practise hard on my instrument and make the June concert a success!
And Dear has not done a lot of things, including the meet-the-parent arrangement which he has promised to set into action since last Mid-autumn (which is las september, 8 months already still no news) Slow is just SLOW, what to do? just keep on watering the seed and wait--- like the heineken ad, set up a beer booth in the middle of nowhere and wait...
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Random bits of the past few days
During the week when me and Dear dear quarrelled and had cold war, I bought a beauty product on impulse. It's called a Deep pore rub. Works wonders, suppose to remove whiteheads and allows skin to renew, I used it everyday for the first week ad this week I am using it every other day. It is expensive ok? Such a small canister and it costs S$25. But it really works, beacuse Dear realised that now my skin is smoother and less whiteheads and pimples (not totally smooth and clear though but much improved within one week or using the new product). However I keep feeling that instead of popping on my face, now the pimples are appearing on my back instead, ok lah, you'd say covered under clothes better thn on face. So next time you see me, take notice if it is really true that my complexion has improved, so that I would not only listen to Dear and spend precious money unnecessarily.
(will post a picture of the product soon)
Yesterday, Dear and I went to IMM to have dinner. He bought me a whole packet of kisses (you know the hershey's kisses, chocolate), so cool. But too bad, in the middle of the night after gamelan, I had a fever and ended up vomiting and diarheoa when I got up trying to take some panadol to help the fever. Feels absolutely terrible. Dear asked me to stay home and rest but I still decided to come to school in case other people think I am trying to stay "keng", stay home when there is work and appear when it's free and easy. I am now making use of the time to slowly collect questions for practising in term 3, that way I will have a smoother term 3, no panic, no rush, no stress. I aim to get half a term worksheets prepared and te first 2-3 weeks worth of work photocopied and ready in my cupboard by the end of this term, during the post exam period.
Few days ago, I found this job ad posted by a Korean business man who is here in singapore for 2 weeks. He wants to look for a guide, no need to be a pro-tour guide, but more like a friend who can take him around during his free time. I emailed him and he ended up adding my msn. It turned out that he claims to want to find just a friend who can have coffee with him and speak English to (to practise his English) and he will pay by the hour. On one hand it sounds like the Korean drama Seven Princess's Meiqi, who gets paid for having dinner with guys, no sex, no touching. on the other hand it may turn out to be social escort and who knows he might end up asking for sex. Gulible, trusting, suspicious? which stand should I take? I see it as reasonable money earned for decent company, but there may be scam and gimmicks about it. What do you as a reade think?
(will post a picture of the product soon)
Yesterday, Dear and I went to IMM to have dinner. He bought me a whole packet of kisses (you know the hershey's kisses, chocolate), so cool. But too bad, in the middle of the night after gamelan, I had a fever and ended up vomiting and diarheoa when I got up trying to take some panadol to help the fever. Feels absolutely terrible. Dear asked me to stay home and rest but I still decided to come to school in case other people think I am trying to stay "keng", stay home when there is work and appear when it's free and easy. I am now making use of the time to slowly collect questions for practising in term 3, that way I will have a smoother term 3, no panic, no rush, no stress. I aim to get half a term worksheets prepared and te first 2-3 weeks worth of work photocopied and ready in my cupboard by the end of this term, during the post exam period.
Few days ago, I found this job ad posted by a Korean business man who is here in singapore for 2 weeks. He wants to look for a guide, no need to be a pro-tour guide, but more like a friend who can take him around during his free time. I emailed him and he ended up adding my msn. It turned out that he claims to want to find just a friend who can have coffee with him and speak English to (to practise his English) and he will pay by the hour. On one hand it sounds like the Korean drama Seven Princess's Meiqi, who gets paid for having dinner with guys, no sex, no touching. on the other hand it may turn out to be social escort and who knows he might end up asking for sex. Gulible, trusting, suspicious? which stand should I take? I see it as reasonable money earned for decent company, but there may be scam and gimmicks about it. What do you as a reade think?
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Exams are almost over
Nowadays are exas. Now it is almost over, most classes/ levels have no more paper. The graduating classes are still having their papers though on monday and that is it. Dear is taking a break from me, saying he needs time of to mark his script. I am skeptical about whether it's an excuse or a genuine reason. But I decided to just watc and he. He got so worked up when I merely try to suggest if we should go out a litle short while this weekend. I don't understand how can a man have such a fiery temper when I am the one PMS_ing... and not showing obvious signs of PMS even.Sigh.... some quotes from my "friends""Breaks don't work, they are the start of a Stop""Most men you left previously became jerks because you spoil them""If he cares enough about you, whether what you did is right or not, he will think about what caused you to do that before he shows any apparent reaction (or get angry about it from his own point of view)"more comments to add, please add more more more.....
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
My friend's comment
i think the whole thing involves 2 key issues: (1) punctuality (2) 'face'
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:27 PM:
i think the two of you need to discuss these 2 issues, it's obvious that punctuality is on your top most priority list and on his list it could be the other way round
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:28 PM:
as for being in front of his friends (how many times? juz this once? or always?) isnt the right thing to do, but i think he's too concerned about than how you actually feel about the issue
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:29 PM:
therefore it's only a matter of time before something like this happened unless the two of you have already communicated abt how each of you feel abt the two issues mentioned here
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:32 PM:
so even it is true that you shouldnt in front of his friends, he too has to be concerned about why you did so? if he simply dismiss it as a non-issue, wat about the future (assuming you get married, and he's simply not interested in feeling how you feel for e.g.)? so these are some of the things i think you'll have to think through and iron out for a long term relationship to develop
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:32 PM:
hope this helps
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:27 PM:
i think the two of you need to discuss these 2 issues, it's obvious that punctuality is on your top most priority list and on his list it could be the other way round
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:28 PM:
as for being in front of his friends (how many times? juz this once? or always?) isnt the right thing to do, but i think he's too concerned about than how you actually feel about the issue
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:29 PM:
therefore it's only a matter of time before something like this happened unless the two of you have already communicated abt how each of you feel abt the two issues mentioned here
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:32 PM:
so even it is true that you shouldnt in front of his friends, he too has to be concerned about why you did so? if he simply dismiss it as a non-issue, wat about the future (assuming you get married, and he's simply not interested in feeling how you feel for e.g.)? so these are some of the things i think you'll have to think through and iron out for a long term relationship to develop
assume no assumptions sent 5/3/2008 11:32 PM:
hope this helps
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Singapore Flyer
Hey hey!~ How about a ticket to the Singapore Flyer with Dear dear for a birthday present? So cool right? Show you some photos...(some can't load on my pc I wonder why)
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Rainy Morning
Today Dear was so GREAT! He picked me up from the sheltered walkway near my house to drive me to school because it was raining very heavily in the morning. I was thinking of how loving he is the whole morning and feeling happy about it. =)
School wasn't that great, students didn't bring what I asked them to bring, the older ones even complained with a tale they woven up that I do not teach. Luckily boss was on my side and she believes in me. I feel so loved by her also. Thank you boss. =)
I am happier now that me and Dear have decided not to talk about the housing issue. I know it will come up and I will probably be unhappy again, but I am reminding myself to take this chance to not think of it and give myself a break and feel god about life.
Therefore, today was a sunny rainy morning. =)
School wasn't that great, students didn't bring what I asked them to bring, the older ones even complained with a tale they woven up that I do not teach. Luckily boss was on my side and she believes in me. I feel so loved by her also. Thank you boss. =)
I am happier now that me and Dear have decided not to talk about the housing issue. I know it will come up and I will probably be unhappy again, but I am reminding myself to take this chance to not think of it and give myself a break and feel god about life.
Therefore, today was a sunny rainy morning. =)
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Another Weekend night out
It’s one more week and a day to my 24th birthday! I am so excited about it that I had started buying myself things to pamper myself. I bought a dress at a sale, only $15, usual price was $30+. Today I bought a handphone accessory, it’s a bell shaped like a dolphin and it’s baby blue in colour. I am still thinking if I want to keep it for myself or give it to Dear as a present (don’t ask what’s the occasion, giving little gifts don’t need reason right? But reason I can give: to reward him for pampering me with car rides to school and sometimes home from lunch.)
Today at MPM, a child vomited and another child’s parent was very angry because her son’s bag got slightly soiled by the sick. I guess it might be Hand-Foot-Mouth –Disease, hopefully I don’t get it although I am so “OLD” already, HFMD do affect adults. I am totally turned off by the incident, first the vomiting isn’t good at all to my just-recovered morning sickness. Then some unfriendly parent can’t be more understanding. I think it is fated for them, because both the sick child and the child with a dirtied bag were from the same class but they happen to come for make-up lesson on the same day and got into this situation. It didn’t really affect my students who were just sympathetic if the sick child feels better or not.
Yesterday, Dear took me to vivocity for dinner at the Mussels Guy, delicious mussels, yum yum, then to Sentosa, the beach drinking place where he took me for one of the first dates. Memories came back I remembered when we first got together and the first time he introduced me to his JC mates. Too bad he hasn’t formally introduced himself to my parents.
Today at MPM, a child vomited and another child’s parent was very angry because her son’s bag got slightly soiled by the sick. I guess it might be Hand-Foot-Mouth –Disease, hopefully I don’t get it although I am so “OLD” already, HFMD do affect adults. I am totally turned off by the incident, first the vomiting isn’t good at all to my just-recovered morning sickness. Then some unfriendly parent can’t be more understanding. I think it is fated for them, because both the sick child and the child with a dirtied bag were from the same class but they happen to come for make-up lesson on the same day and got into this situation. It didn’t really affect my students who were just sympathetic if the sick child feels better or not.
Yesterday, Dear took me to vivocity for dinner at the Mussels Guy, delicious mussels, yum yum, then to Sentosa, the beach drinking place where he took me for one of the first dates. Memories came back I remembered when we first got together and the first time he introduced me to his JC mates. Too bad he hasn’t formally introduced himself to my parents.
Dear is taking me on the Singapore Flyer for my birthday, 26th April, Saturady 6pm. Yay!
After the drink we had a nice time sitting by the beach, chatting and cuddling, totally Loving! I love you Dear!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
BTO
OK, news update, recently we are talking about housing, Dear talked about whether we should start looking around for a flat, discussion about what I can accept what I’d prefer to have etc. Both of us were quite disappointed by the reality.
Reality: after application, need to ballot, if heng heng get it, will have to wait for the BTO flat to build for at least 4-5 years before we “get-the-keys”. Many questions pop up as a result of this. Should we move into parents’ home? (I negotiated a rotation between his and my house but figured out it’ll probably not work in Chinese families like ours, I feel so unfair I am stranded to have to adapt to his home while he can continue being comfy)Can we rent a flat without the landlord living with us? (Dear is acting blur cos he wants to try to get me to move into his house)
Questions and questions, quite irritating to think about them. It is a accepting to have to adapt versus paying even more money to live somewhere versus holding back the wedding. Totally disrupted my plans: 25-26 wedding by 29 have 2 children. Should I wait? Should I try to come up with workable alternative solutions to try to convince Dear to take up? Maybe I should just pay the money and therefore gain the rights to be in control of the situation… Why is he trying to pay for everything? To be at the upper hand?
Anyway those are my whining…. Whoever has ideas or better still have been through it or have heard people talked about how they did it (organised their lives after married before house is ready), p lease please please, talk to me, I am feeling very vexed.
Reality: after application, need to ballot, if heng heng get it, will have to wait for the BTO flat to build for at least 4-5 years before we “get-the-keys”. Many questions pop up as a result of this. Should we move into parents’ home? (I negotiated a rotation between his and my house but figured out it’ll probably not work in Chinese families like ours, I feel so unfair I am stranded to have to adapt to his home while he can continue being comfy)Can we rent a flat without the landlord living with us? (Dear is acting blur cos he wants to try to get me to move into his house)
Questions and questions, quite irritating to think about them. It is a accepting to have to adapt versus paying even more money to live somewhere versus holding back the wedding. Totally disrupted my plans: 25-26 wedding by 29 have 2 children. Should I wait? Should I try to come up with workable alternative solutions to try to convince Dear to take up? Maybe I should just pay the money and therefore gain the rights to be in control of the situation… Why is he trying to pay for everything? To be at the upper hand?
Anyway those are my whining…. Whoever has ideas or better still have been through it or have heard people talked about how they did it (organised their lives after married before house is ready), p lease please please, talk to me, I am feeling very vexed.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
YK's class
Today is the first day taking over YK's class, it doesn't feel god as our 8-characters don't match. I can't explain why I always feel vexed about this guy so this is a convenient excuse I suppose...
Oh well... totally stressed in the morning, realised that I actually have a daily "dosage" of 6 periods per day. Dear has been quite ok though, stil his usual busy self. Oh yes, he picked me up half way from my home to school, so I am less ttired from walking, but JG did a better job, he drove me home after lunch. =)
These guys realy make my day, I feel like half a princess!
Oh well... totally stressed in the morning, realised that I actually have a daily "dosage" of 6 periods per day. Dear has been quite ok though, stil his usual busy self. Oh yes, he picked me up half way from my home to school, so I am less ttired from walking, but JG did a better job, he drove me home after lunch. =)
These guys realy make my day, I feel like half a princess!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Of Home and Apple Dreams
Yesterday I brought Dear along to the thai new year party at Koong’s. On our way there, Dear talked about the need to start thinking of getting a house (I suppose this is a response from my comment that people who claim that their homes will be ready only in 2012 although they just gotten their house, that is from what I read from a forum that Huimin pointed me to, to read about Anthony’s proposal which she transformed into an engagement) After that we went to ikea to get some idea about how basic necessities like bed and sofa cost. It feels kind of strange and confusing, so what message is he trying to send or it’s just as simple and plain as a just-to-let-you-know-the-current-situation comment.
[Huimin's post on the forum can be found "http://www.styleweddings.sg/forums/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=84915 jac8 posted on 28 Feb 2008, 11:42 AM"]
According to my Dictionary of Dreams by Geddes & Grosset, my dream of apples means this: “fruit, like flowers are symbolically linked with life, growth and sex. Fruits in particular, are associated with reproduction and coming to maturity or ripeness. A dream of unripe fruit may represents sexual immaturity. Ripe apples symbolise success in trade, love etc. Green apples symbolise the contrary. The apple has long been regarded as a symbol of sexual love and Freudians translate this as an erotic dream.”
[Huimin's post on the forum can be found "http://www.styleweddings.sg/forums/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=84915 jac8 posted on 28 Feb 2008, 11:42 AM"]
According to my Dictionary of Dreams by Geddes & Grosset, my dream of apples means this: “fruit, like flowers are symbolically linked with life, growth and sex. Fruits in particular, are associated with reproduction and coming to maturity or ripeness. A dream of unripe fruit may represents sexual immaturity. Ripe apples symbolise success in trade, love etc. Green apples symbolise the contrary. The apple has long been regarded as a symbol of sexual love and Freudians translate this as an erotic dream.”
Friday, April 11, 2008
Term2 Week4
Monday I wrote:
Today felt kinda funny. Dear is sick and on Medical Leave(ML). Thank God I
"kena" neither his ACT nor his 8 period-day. *phew*
I am feeling sick too this morning, couldn't sleep anymore after I woke up at
4.35am, nauseating in the morning cold, though I was covered in blankets. Now
throughout the day I felt more and more body aches, perhaps it's my
imagination, perhaps it's too much air-con, perhaps I am really falling sick. I
hope I last through the day, after school with homeschool then to SYCO.
Hope Dear gets well soon and be back at work tomorrow. I feel like ML too, but
for the sake of $ I shall push myself on. Jiayou!
The bell will go in 1 minute, I shall pause here, go for class and go visit Dear
at home before heading for tuition.
Today, Friday.
All through the week I am having morning sickness through the day, but I still have my larger appetite. I won't say the crave to eat a lot but rather the feeling of having warm food down my gut when my tummy is feeling quesy. Menses came and the morning sickness is still there so I can quite make out if it is really due to the hormonal fluctuations.
Dear has surprisingly been more loving since he is back from his ML. I don't know why, but hey, why ask why, just enjoy the love showered. Love also ask, don't love also ask then "what do you want"?
I am wondering where we will be going tonight, let's hope we don't get trapped somewhere again, otherwise it will really seem like some guy's planning already. Maybe a stroll along the river would be nice. Or how about a game of pool?
Today felt kinda funny. Dear is sick and on Medical Leave(ML). Thank God I
"kena" neither his ACT nor his 8 period-day. *phew*
I am feeling sick too this morning, couldn't sleep anymore after I woke up at
4.35am, nauseating in the morning cold, though I was covered in blankets. Now
throughout the day I felt more and more body aches, perhaps it's my
imagination, perhaps it's too much air-con, perhaps I am really falling sick. I
hope I last through the day, after school with homeschool then to SYCO.
Hope Dear gets well soon and be back at work tomorrow. I feel like ML too, but
for the sake of $ I shall push myself on. Jiayou!
The bell will go in 1 minute, I shall pause here, go for class and go visit Dear
at home before heading for tuition.
Today, Friday.
All through the week I am having morning sickness through the day, but I still have my larger appetite. I won't say the crave to eat a lot but rather the feeling of having warm food down my gut when my tummy is feeling quesy. Menses came and the morning sickness is still there so I can quite make out if it is really due to the hormonal fluctuations.
Dear has surprisingly been more loving since he is back from his ML. I don't know why, but hey, why ask why, just enjoy the love showered. Love also ask, don't love also ask then "what do you want"?
I am wondering where we will be going tonight, let's hope we don't get trapped somewhere again, otherwise it will really seem like some guy's planning already. Maybe a stroll along the river would be nice. Or how about a game of pool?
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Call it god's will or something, to reflect back about the week makes me feel niether-here-nor-there.
I am always the complainy one asking for more and more love and unshamely acusing dear for not loving me. He actually loves me a lot in his own way. Last week I was telling him off for being so comfy living a single life (not thinking of me all the time like i claim to be). Maybe he is living his own single life, but we aren't even engaged right? What more can I ask for?
As ironic as the fact that I attributed not going over to his house when his mum asks (maybe to shun inspection and scrutiny by their contingent) using the fact that we are not engaged or confirmed totally that we will get married, I am actually willing to go laze around his house if it's only him in the house. (sounds so wrong...) And the god-made (sorry god, not pushing the blame but just my way of saying "natural disaster") situation of being locked in the park made me quite surprised that I am actually comfortable without any preoccupations or wariness with him. However, he was losing most of his sleep just to be 1/4 awake to make sure both of us are safe. Although he kept saying it's safe, there is nothing to be afraid of, he later confessed that he was very relieved nothing dangerous happened. See? Dear loves me! (Yay!)
I feel kind of bad still, maybe I should do something nice for him tml (how about some stickers from the popular bookshop in popular? the glitter type that cost $3+++ for a sheet of 10+ stickers)
I am always the complainy one asking for more and more love and unshamely acusing dear for not loving me. He actually loves me a lot in his own way. Last week I was telling him off for being so comfy living a single life (not thinking of me all the time like i claim to be). Maybe he is living his own single life, but we aren't even engaged right? What more can I ask for?
As ironic as the fact that I attributed not going over to his house when his mum asks (maybe to shun inspection and scrutiny by their contingent) using the fact that we are not engaged or confirmed totally that we will get married, I am actually willing to go laze around his house if it's only him in the house. (sounds so wrong...) And the god-made (sorry god, not pushing the blame but just my way of saying "natural disaster") situation of being locked in the park made me quite surprised that I am actually comfortable without any preoccupations or wariness with him. However, he was losing most of his sleep just to be 1/4 awake to make sure both of us are safe. Although he kept saying it's safe, there is nothing to be afraid of, he later confessed that he was very relieved nothing dangerous happened. See? Dear loves me! (Yay!)
I feel kind of bad still, maybe I should do something nice for him tml (how about some stickers from the popular bookshop in popular? the glitter type that cost $3+++ for a sheet of 10+ stickers)
Saturday, April 5, 2008
A night in the Park
Yesterday was such a memorable night---in a not-so-nice sense.
After the thai music performance, I went for dinner with my profs somewhere near Alexandra Rd. Then as agreed I was to meet Dear for the night, but he actually refused to picked me up, so I negotiated for him to pay the taxi fare for me to go to JE to meet him, $8.
We had said to have drinks but later he said to go to a park, so I thought Chinese Garden. Thus, with the pre-conceived ideal destination, I was very worked up when I realised he was taking me to another park in Bukit Batok, which we had argued and agreed that it isn’t fair to go anywhere too near one of our house. Hence we detoured to Chinese Garden.
As usual, parked car, walked through the entrance with the nice bridge. Walked a little and chat, hugs and sat down at the pagoda steps to chat more. Then at 1030 I warned him we might be locked in as I remembered the last time we were there we left at 1030pm, he said it is not such a early time, probably we’ll leave a little later, which ended up to be 1140.
To our dismay when we walked to the entrance where we came in, everything was locked!!! So we decided to find alternative entrances and hope to find one without a lock, but to no avail, so we had to spend the night there.
Yeah~ You might think how exciting just two of us spending the night out in the sort of open unprepared. It all went well, he tried to keep me warm and I did like-wise, through the night we woke up several times due to the cold and hardness of the tiled floor. Had a few sweet moments despite the fact that we were stranded poor souls.
After all the drama, we went home at 6.40am when the place is slightly lit by the morning sun, and the parking cost $8.50!!!! Felt so silly that we can actually miss the closing time, I should have been insistent on leaving at 1030 or not so insistent on going there. Sigh, what is done can’t be undone.
Came home and had a tongue-lashing from my mum, not about sleeping out of staying out late but about me not informing her that she can lock the door. See, the door is more important!
After the thai music performance, I went for dinner with my profs somewhere near Alexandra Rd. Then as agreed I was to meet Dear for the night, but he actually refused to picked me up, so I negotiated for him to pay the taxi fare for me to go to JE to meet him, $8.
We had said to have drinks but later he said to go to a park, so I thought Chinese Garden. Thus, with the pre-conceived ideal destination, I was very worked up when I realised he was taking me to another park in Bukit Batok, which we had argued and agreed that it isn’t fair to go anywhere too near one of our house. Hence we detoured to Chinese Garden.
As usual, parked car, walked through the entrance with the nice bridge. Walked a little and chat, hugs and sat down at the pagoda steps to chat more. Then at 1030 I warned him we might be locked in as I remembered the last time we were there we left at 1030pm, he said it is not such a early time, probably we’ll leave a little later, which ended up to be 1140.
To our dismay when we walked to the entrance where we came in, everything was locked!!! So we decided to find alternative entrances and hope to find one without a lock, but to no avail, so we had to spend the night there.
Yeah~ You might think how exciting just two of us spending the night out in the sort of open unprepared. It all went well, he tried to keep me warm and I did like-wise, through the night we woke up several times due to the cold and hardness of the tiled floor. Had a few sweet moments despite the fact that we were stranded poor souls.
After all the drama, we went home at 6.40am when the place is slightly lit by the morning sun, and the parking cost $8.50!!!! Felt so silly that we can actually miss the closing time, I should have been insistent on leaving at 1030 or not so insistent on going there. Sigh, what is done can’t be undone.
Came home and had a tongue-lashing from my mum, not about sleeping out of staying out late but about me not informing her that she can lock the door. See, the door is more important!
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Taurus and Cancer Love Compatibility
There's a whole lot of warmth, support, nurturing and comfort food when you and Cancer get together. Sometimes you find it hard to reconcile what Cancer said today versus what Cancer said yesterday, but that's not always important. You and Cancer can often satisfy each other, in many wondrous ways.
http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/horoscopes/
http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/horoscopes/
The week leading to a Good Friday cum Easter Weekend
This week, I am rather pleased that all regarding my relationship with Dear had been peaceful and calm despite our episodic quarrels and disagreements during the holiday week.
Monday: 1st day back in school after being away in SOLO.Lost my 2 sets of worksheets for 26th and 27th February, found that one set was with boss, phew. Change of ACT plans, 1E to complete the Problem Solving Package and we are done with ACT. YK’s timetable printed partially on mine, so it is confirmed I’m going to be deployed to cover his reservist. Dear promised to go apply PDL with me on Tuesday after his staff meeting. So sweet right, must give him a “IMPRESSIVE” sticker.
Tuesday: I suddenly felt insecure that I may lose my job anytime because boss advised that I should be open minded to alternative jobs and give up waiting. Talked to Dear about it, thought he'd flare up as I brought up the job issue which I forbade him to bring up ever again. Instead he used a soothing tone and told me not to fret about it. After work we went to apply for the PDL but TP closed already so I had my dinner and Dear watched. Took a cab to thai music. Spent about S$10 to play for 10 minutes. *sighs*
Wednesday: Dear busy, me average. I covered ACT for colleague then to diary farm then to Gamelan. Nothing spectacule about it but I forgot to bring home Dear's red umbrella which I borrowed to get out of school.
Thursday: End of week as this week has GOOD FRIDAY. Had lunch with dear one-to-one. He disclosed that people had asked him about us and he had admitted and requested them to keep it low profile. DOes that mean he has decided he "wants" me for sure already?
Friday: Good Friday was indeed GOOD spending a whole day together with Dear from 11am to 6.30pm. Wow! that's almost like going on a holiday with Dear!
Saturday: Quite hardworking me decided to mop the floor since I've decided that laundry is too little to be done. Taught yangqin and went to ship. A day I survived without Dear.
Sunday: the usual hectic but low pay day. I'd better get out of the vicious cycle and get better money soon. Target: by June 2008.
Monday: 1st day back in school after being away in SOLO.Lost my 2 sets of worksheets for 26th and 27th February, found that one set was with boss, phew. Change of ACT plans, 1E to complete the Problem Solving Package and we are done with ACT. YK’s timetable printed partially on mine, so it is confirmed I’m going to be deployed to cover his reservist. Dear promised to go apply PDL with me on Tuesday after his staff meeting. So sweet right, must give him a “IMPRESSIVE” sticker.
Tuesday: I suddenly felt insecure that I may lose my job anytime because boss advised that I should be open minded to alternative jobs and give up waiting. Talked to Dear about it, thought he'd flare up as I brought up the job issue which I forbade him to bring up ever again. Instead he used a soothing tone and told me not to fret about it. After work we went to apply for the PDL but TP closed already so I had my dinner and Dear watched. Took a cab to thai music. Spent about S$10 to play for 10 minutes. *sighs*
Wednesday: Dear busy, me average. I covered ACT for colleague then to diary farm then to Gamelan. Nothing spectacule about it but I forgot to bring home Dear's red umbrella which I borrowed to get out of school.
Thursday: End of week as this week has GOOD FRIDAY. Had lunch with dear one-to-one. He disclosed that people had asked him about us and he had admitted and requested them to keep it low profile. DOes that mean he has decided he "wants" me for sure already?
Friday: Good Friday was indeed GOOD spending a whole day together with Dear from 11am to 6.30pm. Wow! that's almost like going on a holiday with Dear!
Saturday: Quite hardworking me decided to mop the floor since I've decided that laundry is too little to be done. Taught yangqin and went to ship. A day I survived without Dear.
Sunday: the usual hectic but low pay day. I'd better get out of the vicious cycle and get better money soon. Target: by June 2008.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Term2 Week 1, Good Friday
First week of term 2. Quite a roller coaster but I am glad it is finally over and I can look forward to a whole day with Dear dear today on Good Friday’s holiday.
Today we went to airport terminal three, we haven’t been there though we wanted to when it first had its open house. Hopefully it will be fun and we can find nice food to eat. Ate at swensens at T2.
Anyway I really appreciated the fact that Dear finds time whenever he can to spend with me. I am now rather tired to go into the details, having a slight migraine since thursday afternoon.
I am considering if I should hold a party/gathering for my birthday during one of the weekends near it. Any ideas? Should be fuss free and fret free, and no worries at all about everything. Maybe someone should help me organising people and food. Ideas Please!!!(yeah I know my birthday is still 37 days away)
Today we went to airport terminal three, we haven’t been there though we wanted to when it first had its open house. Hopefully it will be fun and we can find nice food to eat. Ate at swensens at T2.
Anyway I really appreciated the fact that Dear finds time whenever he can to spend with me. I am now rather tired to go into the details, having a slight migraine since thursday afternoon.
I am considering if I should hold a party/gathering for my birthday during one of the weekends near it. Any ideas? Should be fuss free and fret free, and no worries at all about everything. Maybe someone should help me organising people and food. Ideas Please!!!(yeah I know my birthday is still 37 days away)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
What colour is my heart? (another Facebook Quiz)
You Have A Blue HeartA person with a Blue Heart is an emotional person. Such people make affectionate lovers and are usually sensitive and are cautious drivers. They are introspective, reflective and have a primary concern for self.
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